Birthday party unspoken rules about siblings

[nothingbyhalves]

Dc birthday party next week. A mother has asked if she can bring both her daughters ( eldest invited as in dc's class). If all kids invited bring siblings I'll have a problem. Any advice?

Of the 30 children attending DDs party about 5 turned up with sibling(s) unannounced prior to the moment they walked in the door. No one even sort of mentioned it before hand even though they had our contact numbers. This was the height of Christmas shopping season so I think some parents were taking the opportunity to get some present shopping in! Fortunately it was a large venue and quite a few invitees didn't turn up due to illness which actually offset the extras.

Someone else's smaller party 1 of the 5 children turned up with an older sibling in tow (unannounced prior to that moment too). So fairly common - maybe 1 in 5 or 6?? Could you cope with that?

I will be watching this thread for ideas for heading this off next year. I was thinking of a large soft play centre where parents have to pay for extra siblings and there is no danger of going over capacity or maybe just sticking to parents I know personally rather than children my DD goes to nursery with. Does that sound awful?

How rude to ask for an extra invite or worse still, just turn up. And RC good idea and no that doesn't sound awful. Why should you cater for extra children you don't even know.

Just say not possible but happy for her not to stay and just to leave the invited dc in your care. Wouldn't expect a parent to stay once dcs are at school anyway so no need for a sibling to come.

I may be out of touch as my DCs are older and I never had these issues but I would be inclined to say extra siblings can be accommodated at a cost of whatever per child,

My youngest is just 5 and my dh travels a lot. We live overseas so no family to take care of dd1 who is 9 during a party for dd2, who is just a little young to be dropped off.

If dh is traveling when dd2 has a party invite, I always call or email to explain that have dd1 with me, would it be ok if she came along, she will bring a book and a snack and sit quietly. If it's a soft play party or anywhere with an admission fee, I would of course pay for her to go in and she's not really interested in playing so again would sit with a book etc.

Obviously dd1 is old enough to be dropped off at her parties so dd2 never goes along with her.

Sometimes childcare is an issue but it's no reason to abuse someone's hospitality.

Unspoken rules here seem to be:

1. If the party is in someone's home (and therefore is a small do), don't even ask if siblings can come too. Either leave the older child alone at the party, or decline the invitation until they are old enough to cope on their own.
2. If the party is in a large venue, feel free to ask but do not expect any food/party bags etc. to be provided for the sibling. They should be discouraged from joining in the dancing and games.
3. If the party is at a softplay place, then take the sibling but pay for their entrance and keep them away from the party children until after the party.

Tell her you are very sorry you can't entertain siblings and you hope she'll be able to find another babysitter for her child if childcare is a problem for her that day. Or would that be too mischievous?

Since there are quite a few wannabe freeloaders out there, I would always be upfront in my invitation that no siblings can be accommodated. If it's a large venue, I would say that extra family members would have to pay their own admission and supervise children they bring along to the venue who were not invited to your party. I would be very clear that I would not be responsible for supervision, in hopes that nobody would have the neck to pay admission and dump their child, counting on you feeling obliged to take strays under your wing.

Pretty much what MrsCakes says round here. It depends entirely on what sort of party it is. I've only had one child turn up uninvited to a hall party and join in fully with the activities. More common is that they bring them without asking but the child sits out at the side. If you aren't paying an entertainer per child it's easy enough to let them join in the games, at least.

If it's a party at home, or you're paying per child, a flat no is fine. At soft play I'f expect the guest parent to pay for siblings to do general play, and keep them away from the party area while they are eating. If it's a large hall party I think it's nice to accommodate them if you can but she may be only asking that them to sit out on the side, you don't have to include them fully. Any gesture towards including them would be appreciated, but no need to spend money on them IYSWIM.