Financial gift with condition attached?

[Doodledumdums]

DISCLAIMER: FIRST WORLD ISSUE!

DH and I are saving up to take DS (currently aged 12mo) to Disneyland Florida when he is 4. I know this is young, but we have lots of valid reasons why we have chosen that age, so are very settled on our decision.

Anyway, for Christmas, my Grandmother very kindly gave us £500 towards the trip, but told us that it was on the condition that we can't take him until he is 6 or 7, as 4 is too young and he wont remember it or have a good time. So now I am unsure about what to do?! I don't want to seem really ungrateful and not cash the cheque, but I tried explaining why we want to go when he is 4 and she wasn't having any of it. While it is a very generous contribution, £500 is a drop compared to how much it is likely to cost in total, so DH and I aren't prepared to change our plans to keep her happy.

How would you move forward with this? I feel like we can't not cash the cheque, but if we do then I think that she will be angry when we ignore her wishes and go when he's 4 anyway!

Id send it back of you are set on taking him at 4yrs old. I dont think it is nice for attaching conditions.

I do however think you should take him when he is older to remember the experience its amazing and the memories are wonderful.

We took DS(7) this year with DD(20m) they both loved it. We have abig gap so souldnt wait for DD to be old enough but wanted DS to still be young enough to enjoy the magic. However it is for everyone there IS something for everyone there across all the parks.

So I agree with not accepting a gift with conditions it does seem manipulative.

But I agree with the condition of going a bit older but not in the way it is being put to you usingthe money as leverage.

I took my DS to euro disney and he actually got upset that he couldn't go on some of the rides. However, he had a ball and so I'd do it twice

thats a good point just

I do find it an odd thing for her to be so set against though? I think that the difference of opinions on here clearly shows that there is no definite right or wrong! Some people think 4 is fine, others don't, which is fine, but it seems an odd thing for her to be so determined to change?! In the scheme of things, it really isn't important when we take him, and certainly doesn't affect her, it's not as if she is coming! £500 is a lovely contribution, but the trip will cost a lot more than that, so I'm unlikely to change my plans so considerably in order to accept the £500! Sorry if that sounds ungrateful, I don't mean it to sound that way.

I am going to speak to her and say that we still plan on taking him when he is 4, but that if she is still happy for us to have the money then I will either save it for a future trip (though I'm not sure she will go for that), or put it into DS' savings account instead, she can decide which option she would prefer, or can just take the cheque back if she wants.

Yes, I think her reaction could be quite revealing in terms of her true motive. I would feel weird about the power imbalance that would be created by meekly accepting the cash and changing your plans to suit her (even though, as you point out, it makes no difference to her whatsoever). What would be next?

Go at 4, then go at 6/7, say you kept the cash for that trip instead. She can't stop you, you are adults and its your child not hers.

Tell her you have put it aside for his 2nd trip when he is 8-9years. Maybe look for a high interest savings account for it.