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Original poster

Financial gift with condition attached?

57 replies

Doodledumdums · 27/12/2013 23:53

DISCLAIMER: FIRST WORLD ISSUE!

DH and I are saving up to take DS (currently aged 12mo) to Disneyland Florida when he is 4. I know this is young, but we have lots of valid reasons why we have chosen that age, so are very settled on our decision.

Anyway, for Christmas, my Grandmother very kindly gave us £500 towards the trip, but told us that it was on the condition that we can't take him until he is 6 or 7, as 4 is too young and he wont remember it or have a good time. So now I am unsure about what to do?! I don't want to seem really ungrateful and not cash the cheque, but I tried explaining why we want to go when he is 4 and she wasn't having any of it. While it is a very generous contribution, £500 is a drop compared to how much it is likely to cost in total, so DH and I aren't prepared to change our plans to keep her happy.

How would you move forward with this? I feel like we can't not cash the cheque, but if we do then I think that she will be angry when we ignore her wishes and go when he's 4 anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
Doodledumdums · 28/12/2013 09:51

It's not that much detail is it? A holiday that we know we need a long time to save for, and a 2nd baby that equally requires time to save for.

I am very jealous of anyone who doesn't need to plan these two things in advance. Obviously anything could happen between now and then, but I'd rather assume that it wont.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 28/12/2013 10:00

Why not just take your 4 year old to Disney Paris, and save up for the second trip when he is 8 and new baby 4?

Clayhead · 28/12/2013 10:04

It's not that far in advance given the need to save up.

OP, have taken both our dc when they were four and they had a fantastic time - it's true not all rides are accessible but the ones they want to go on are and there's plenty of them!

Original poster
Doodledumdums · 28/12/2013 10:05

I guess we could do, I hadn't really thought about that option. Though it would still be expensive so would still need time to save for.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doodledumdums · 28/12/2013 10:10

Thank you Clay Smile I wasn't expecting so much opposition to taking a 4 year old, I thought that although maybe a little bit young, 4 was fine! I am glad that yours enjoyed it.

OP posts:
MrsSquirrel · 28/12/2013 10:16

Personally, I wouldn't change my holiday plans because my grandmother didn't like them. Especially a big special trip like that.

I would politely decline the money.

MrsSquirrel · 28/12/2013 10:17

Also I took my dd to Disney when she was 5 and she had a fantastic time :-)

hermitcrab · 28/12/2013 10:26

We went when our DD was 5, we wanted to go when she was young enough to enjoy the magic. Had a brilliant time and the characters were really 'real' for her. Figured we could do theme parks and rides for years to come. SIL is planning a trip with her DS when he is older, for her the focus is the rides. Can see that point of view, but don't regret taking DD that young for one minute.

WhoNickedMyName · 28/12/2013 10:29

We went to Disney when DS was 4, (and yes we also started saving up a few years before we went).

He loved every minute, it was absolutely magical and he remembers loads, he's 10 now. There were plenty of rides he could go on, plenty of shows to see and characters to meet and so much to do. Even walking around the parks is an experience as there's so much going on.

He still digs the photos out to have a look through them now, we hope to go again next year.

Return the cheque and tell the giver thanks but you can't accept it with the conditions they've attached. It's not up to anyone else to tell you how to plan your family life.

Glittertwins · 28/12/2013 10:31

We are taking DTs to Florida when they will be just under 6 1/2. We took them to France twice when they were 4 and they are still talking about their "holiday home" there 12-18 months on so your DS will probably remember it. I don't think that gifts should be made with conditions either.
Times like this make me thankful to have twins to avoid age gap related activities though.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 28/12/2013 10:33

Totally irrelevant to your decision but we brought dd to DLP at 4 she is now 9 and recently said 'I would love to go to Disney land will you ever bring me?' She did not remember a thing from the trip. We loved it though.

PickledMoomin · 28/12/2013 10:36

We took DS when he was nearly 4. He was just under the 40 inches height restriction but could still go on so many rides. He had a fantastic time.

PowderMum · 28/12/2013 10:37

Just for context my DD first went to WDW when she was 18 months and loved it but can't remember, on her second trip she was 4 and had a brilliant time. She was tall for her age but not adventurous so we did all the appropriate rides but our focus was the atmosphere, shows and character greetings (we also had a 2yo).
She is fortunate to have been back many times since, but I think she got as much out of the trip at 4 as she did at 6.
I think your reasoning for going when DC is 4 is fine and that you are planning and saving now should be seen as a good thing.
You GM is BU.

AMumInScotland · 28/12/2013 11:03

Simply return the cheque to her explaining that you will go when it seems right to you, and therefore you would not feel happy to take her money with that condition. You can't take the money when you know you have no intention of using it as she wishes. But she has no right to get huffy about you not changing your plans just because she's opening her purse.

roadwalker · 28/12/2013 11:12

I think you should take him when you want to, you don't have to justify your decision
A gift with conditions is crap, its not up to her
Tell her you will go when you want to and let her decide what should happen to the money

Suttonmum1 · 28/12/2013 11:17

At 6 you would have to go in school hols. At 4 perhaps not. that would surely make a difference of more than £500.

Original poster
Doodledumdums · 28/12/2013 11:24

That's true, school holiday prices will make a massive difference, I hadn't even thought about that aspect!

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 28/12/2013 11:28

Explain it to her (school hols are another really good reason) again and if she still insists then hand back the cash. She may rescind her rule if she sees how determined you are.

AnnoyingOrange · 28/12/2013 11:30

So what if they don't remember it when they are small. They have a fantastic time whilst they are there

And you can always go again when they are older

DameDeepRedBetty · 28/12/2013 11:35

I took dtds to Disney Paris when they were four, the summer before they started school, so cheaper than school holiday time. They enjoyed it but remember virtually nothing. We went again when they were nine, and they enjoyed it then too, but were on the very edge of being too old for it really - they found a fair amount of it very baby-ish.
We're lucky enough to have a family member who works there, and can put people up, and gets a batch of discount tickets for friends and family each year, if it had actually cost us more than the travel I'd have been pretty disappointed with it.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 28/12/2013 11:39

Just a suggestion but if you do decide to save for a second trip then let your GM know (very clearly pref with a savings book) that her contribution is being saved for the second trip.

Budgiegirlbob · 30/12/2013 10:43

There's nothing wrong with taking your Dd when she is 4. We went when our youngest was 3, and she still remembers lots of details now she is 8. I think 4 us a great age to take them, when the magic is still real, and the characters are not just people dressed up.

If you don't take her, and then have another baby, you just have the same age dilemma all over again.

Politely return the cheque, it was a very kind gift, but gifts shouldn't come with conditions.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 30/12/2013 10:56

I'd give it back. A gift that comes with conditions is no gift at all.

I'd hazard a guess that saving it for a second trip wouldnt suit her either. I may be wrong but I'd put my money on her wanting him to remember that she paid for this lovely trip and if it is the second trip, she'd see her arse.

I would hand the cheque back saying thank you for the thought but you are taking him when you'd planned and so can't obey her instructions regarding use of this money.

it really leaves a bad taste in the mouth when people do a nice thing but try to use it to get their own way.

Clutterbugsmum · 30/12/2013 10:59

I would give it back.

You have made a decision as a family then she should respect that.

Only1scoop · 30/12/2013 11:03

A bit rough that the gift comes with conditions but your relative obviously feels very strongly about the visit. I think if you are set with your idea of the 4 and anniversary, then offer it politely back to her but say you are sticking to your plans. Perhaps she will tell you to invest it for the trip anyway....
Ps my dd will be 4 can you please take her with you, we will keep putting it off as can't bare the place Grin