Should I go to graduation?

[beansmum]

I haven't got exam results yet, but I should be graduating with an LLB and BA in mid-December. I'm in NZ and have no family or close friends around. My parents were thinking of coming over from the UK, but my sister is due to have a second baby around graduation time and they don't really want to miss that.

So, do I go to graduation alone, or take ds with me, or not bother at all? Going alone would suck. Taking ds with me would probably not work too well. He's 9, and very good at sitting around doing nothing, but I think it's probably a bit much to ask him to sit in the audience alone for the whole boring ceremony.

Will I regret it if I don't go?

WWYD?

I didn't go to mine - partly because my family were all far away. I wouldn't say it's blighted my life - but with hindsight I wish I had gone.

You've obviously put in a lot of work with this goal in mind. I think if you leave without going it may all seem rather flat.

And what about your son? At 9 he's quite old enough to understand your achievement. Even if you don't have close friends there must be someone who would accompany you and sit with him? (Do you get two seats for guests?) It would be a wonderful memory for him - something he'd never forget. And he would be so proud of you.

There's really nobody I could ask to sit with ds. Seriously, I have no friends! I know the mums of ds's friends, and I have some uni friends, but I don't know the mums well enough for this kind of thing, and the uni friends will all be graduating at the same time. I don't know their parents/partners so I can't ask them to sit with ds. I mean, I could ask, but I wouldn't want to, and ds wouldn't want to sit with strangers.

I've already paid for gown hire, so I could still have some photos taken, it wouldn't be too bad not to go.

You do seem quite determined not to go. I think if I were any of the relevant acquaintances or strangers you mention I would be delighted to join up with your son so he could take part in your day.

But obviously I don't know your situation....

Wouldn't it be weird to ask an almost stranger to go to my graduation as an unpaid babysitter? I don't know...I want to go, but I want to go with family and friends. I think inviting someone I don't really know just so they can look after ds will make me even more sad that I don't have anyone else to ask.

Ok, I've given myself until Wednesday to make a final decision, I'm still really unsure about the whole thing.

I would go - will your family be able to watch on a video link? My uni had a live video feed on the web.
I'm not sure about taking your son though; he might feel a bit bored and awkward sitting in the audience by himself. But you could give him some silent video games to play whilst he is waiting in the audience and then take him for a nice meal afterwards to celebrate.

Look, it is a celebration of years of hard work, you deserve to go to your graduation. Absolutely go!!!! Remember all those times when you felt like drowning, deadlines, dealing with a child etc etc etc. IT IS OVER!!!! Please go celebrate.
It is the best feeling ever.
Tell you what, from experience. I did go to mine. It was amazing. Had pics taken, went and had my certificate handed, we had a buffet type of meal, chatted to colleagues. It felt like, physically, a MASSIVE weight lifted off my shoulders, and I celebrated. Gained closure.
Few years later, I did a postgrad for a year. Whilst working full time. I passed, but there is no closure. I got bunches of flowers from family, friends, but there was no ceremony. No debrief. I'm not some egocentric idiot and I don't suffer fools gladly. I don't do 'me, me, me in centre stage, all eyes on me' type of rubbish.
But it made me so happy to have gone to my own graduation.
I would take DS with me. After all, you both worked hard. Book a table to a really really nice place afterwards, celebrate. Please. You might never get this chance again. I have a pic of me in gown in the study. When things get on top of me, I look at it and feel better. I managed to get through. I worked relentlessly for years. I can do it.
Anybody, and I mean anybody from your DS's friends parents would be more than happy to take them to the park for a morning so you can get on with it. :) just ask, you'll never be in this situation again :)

What does your son think about it all?

(And... has there been a particular issue that has made you feel less than joyous about graduating? Or are you just really tired?)

ds wants to go, but he doesn't want to sit by himself. It's a school day, which makes it a bit more difficult to find someone to help. Maybe I'll just take him out of school for the day, we could get some photos taken, go out for a nice lunch and skip the ceremony.

I'm worried about going because everyone else will have lots of family there and I'll be sad. I'm kind of pissed off that my parents aren't coming. They say it's because my sister is having a baby, but actually they'd told me last year that they probably wouldn't make it and they're just using the pregnancy as an excuse that they know I can't be upset about. She's not due until early January, so it's unlikely they would miss anything anyway. I'm not sure why they'd decided not to come, unless they thought I wouldn't make it to graduation. It's not the money, they can definitely afford it, even at that time of year.

And yes, I am REALLY tired. I don't actually finish exams until tomorrow, so maybe after that's over, and I've had a sleep, I'll feel more positive about it.

Ah, ok.... A bit of sibling rivalry and parental attention issues I so understand part of what you're feeling. Of course you want the rest of your family there.

And of course it's all worse with the stress of exams. Try to stop worrying and just do what needs to be done now. I'm sure you'll eventually make the best decision for you both.

Oh - GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!

How did the last exam go?

It was ok. I don't think I did amazingly well, but it was definitely a pass, probably some kind of B. Not too bad at all. And now it's all over! ds made me dinner to celebrate, and even let me drink my tea out of his special mug.