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Original poster

what would you do if faced with this situation?

62 replies

whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 13:29

A person never takes part in any social events, they avoid people where possible and tend to keep themselves to themselves and make excuses that seem plausible but aren't consistent when a social event is happening; they say they don't have a baby sitter but their parents look after their DCs when they have to work, they say they have no money but they own a horse.
They need to lose weight but don't make any effort to do so, they don't bother with nice clothes and often wear the same things every day (which they have obviously washed and ironed in between), they don't wear any make up and they don't get their hair cut, and they don't seem happy. They tend to walk round looking at the floor not looking up and are quick to apologise if they think they are in the way. If they are criticised in any way then they tend to cry, they don't seem able to cope with it.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 12/08/2013 13:31

Right. How is this impacting on you personally? Are you wanting said person to come out socially. Or are you the person in question?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/08/2013 13:32

Honestly?

I'd try to help them - or rather see if they wanted help - but if they didn't, then I'd ultimately withdraw, get on with my own life without them and just leave them to it. It's their life and at the end of the day, they're the ones that suffer it.

There's only so many times you can offer a hand of friendship or support to someone before you have to just accept they don't want it.

ImNotBloody14 · 12/08/2013 13:34

i'm struggling to see the situation i'm being faced with? Confused

Original poster
whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 13:53

Really, I was just wondering whether people thought it was a situation best left alone or if something should be done.

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/08/2013 14:04

You mean against the person's will? Only if it is a mhp that has safety implications.

If it is offering support if they want it then that's the way to go.

But a person has the right to lead any life they want, even if others feel it is not a good choice. The only time you can step in with the attitude that something 'should' be done is if they are a danger to themselves or others.

I wonder if the person has a social phobia. If it's something like that then there is help available - if they want it.

Original poster
whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 14:08

No, not against their will, just in a helpful way.

OP posts:
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/08/2013 14:11

Do they want help?

HarrietSchulenberg · 12/08/2013 14:17

I'd let them get on with it.
They probably don't want to use parents as evening babysitters if they've had the children during the working day, or if they're elderly.
They have no money for social stuff because what they do have the spend on their horse, which isn't cheap.

Haircuts and make up aren't important to everyone, me included.
They're very shy and don't like social interaction, hence the awkwardness in public.
Leave alone unless they ask for help or seem distressed by their life.

starfishmummy · 12/08/2013 14:32

Difficult one - on one hand I agree with Harriet , bit the op onviojsly sees a problem. Why is that op?

Original poster
whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 14:52

OK...it's me. I am the person who I described.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 12/08/2013 14:54

What is it that you are hiding from people?

Original poster
whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 15:03

Nothing about me personally. Sorry for not coming clean at first but I wanted to test the water before saying outright that it was me.
I just don't fit in anywhere socially so I keep myself to myself. When I am out and about in town I don't feel at all comfortable with the thought of people seeing me and hurry to where I am going and rush back to my car and get back home as quick as I can. Something about me obviously discourages people from talking to me anyway because I always am alone when I go somewhere with other people even when I make the effort to be sociable rather than my usual 'rabbit in the headlights' impression.

OP posts:
GoodTouchBadTouch · 12/08/2013 15:09

Sounds a bit odd.. and not much fun at all, especially the crying. Personally Id stay away. But if its a family member I might try a bit longer before throwing in the towel. Maybe she will come to you when she wants you.

ppeatfruit · 12/08/2013 15:09

Whitestrawberries If you are not happy then it's a problem. How do you get on at work with other people?

thornrose · 12/08/2013 15:10

I can relate to the clothes, make up and hair stuff.

I know what I'm hiding from, do you?

ppeatfruit · 12/08/2013 15:11

Maybe you're a bit agrophobic and need to see someone.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 12/08/2013 15:13

Would you like to be different or are you happy as you are?

froubylou · 12/08/2013 15:13

Do you feel comformatable with your horse? Do you keep it on a livery yard and do you compete?

Sometimes if you have a hobby (or a way of life as horses often are) it's easier to build up a social life and make new friends around that hobby.

Do you want to change? What do you want to change? Do you want to go out more? Do you want to change your appearance? Do you work?

If you think changing your appearance would give you more confidence then don't focus on your weight. Buy 1 new outfit. Doesn't have to cost a lot. What do you usually wear? If you are lacking confidence start with a new top at first, then new bottoms and shoes and all the bits and pieces. Raid charity shops, markets and car boots if money is an issue. No one needs to know its not new, only new to you.

You have listed a lot of things you want to change. And to do them all at once would be a lot to take in. Try with little things first and go from there. Good luck!

Original poster
whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 15:13

No, not really, I wouldn't really say that I am hiding from anything, though maybe I am hiding from expectation that I won't be liked. That said, it seems rather daft to say that when I know that I won't be liked.
At work I tend not to have much to do with other people, we're all very busy at work and there isn't much time to talk except at lunchtime. I tend to work through my lunch as there is little else to do once I've had my sandwich.
Sometimes I am happy, sometimes not. I am happier when I am alone, though I love my job.

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 12/08/2013 15:14

white if you are happy like you are then there is no need to change, if you are not though that is a different matter

thornrose · 12/08/2013 15:16

I can't quite figure out whether you are happy but feel obliged to change or you are actually unhappy.

ppeatfruit · 12/08/2013 15:18

Do you look after yourself properly? eat healthily etc.? IF it were me I'd get on a health kick to see if that could help (it often does).

Purple2012 · 12/08/2013 15:19

If you are happy then no need to change

If parents look after children when you are working I would accept the excuse of no baby sitter as you dont want to impose.

Having no money but having a horse - thats what you prefer to spend money on. No one ekses business.

The rest of it I would think maybe some kind of depression maybe. Only you know if you feel depressed.

Original poster
whitestrawberries · 12/08/2013 15:21

I don't look after myself properly, no. I've started trying to lose weight as of today though, it's a first step.
I'm happy sometimes but not often, probably I am more unhappy than I am happy. I am overweight and every day I feel bad about my weight, mainly because I am always the largest person wherever I go.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 12/08/2013 15:22

Are you depressed or happy about the way you are? Who thinks you should change?