Naughty Toddlers

[sazzlebunny87]

I have two children, my son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 10 months. Before my daughter was born my son was amazing, so kind, never naughty, I never has any problems at all. But recently, more recently than not, he's switched, he's naughty all the time, he's nasty, he says really vile things (not picked up from home) he goes to nursery, we have regular one on one time but he's just naughty all the time...

I'm beginning to think there's something underlying. Am I being paranoid or is he just a typical 3 year old.
Any advice or hearing others mums stories would be amazing

Sounds like he's just seeking your attention in a new situation where's not the only number one any more.

I would try to downplay the negative stuff by ignoring if possible or punishing with less attention (time out or whatever) and make a point of giving loads of extra attention when he's being good.

Are you making sure he gets some quality time with you apart from his little sis? He might just need the reassurance of knowing he's still just as important and doesn't need to misbehave to get your undivided attention.

yeah, I've tried everything, he's lovely to his sis, its just me, hubby and his grandparents he's a nightmare for, he's the top of the class at nursery. At the moment I am trying to ignore the naughty, but when he's as nasty as he's being it's so hard.
I've started setting up new activities every night so we have "just us" time while the little one naps in the morning. he's wonderful then, but it doesn't last.
my new plan is, ignore the naughty (within reason) praise the good like mad, which I do anyway and have more quality time for us, im hoping it works

I think it's a good strategy op, otherwise you get caught in the telling off loop, I try and ignore and get them back in a good mood if I can. Is DS being challenged enough at nursery? Just a thought but dd is worse when she's not getting enough excitement or challenge there. Try and get him to voice his feelings maybe? He is probably missing you all and it could help to talk even though he's small...

Read somewhere that sometimes its good to play "pretend that you're a baby".

As for separate quality time like the books say... I have no clue how people do it. Kids need you (well, me at least - my kids) 48h/day. We always did everything together. If I was feeding - he was nearby, pretending he's a baby. Or I was telling him a story what he was when he was a baby. Just a little bit of imagination and knowledge of your child.

It might be worth trying to see if there are particular things which seem to be sparking the behaviour (times, situations, when things change suddenly etc) and thinking if you could prepare to do things differently.

I'd also recommend reading Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting (I think that's what it's called). I also found my DS started being much more challenging at this age (particularly refusing to go to the toilet and becoming very uncooperative at mealtimes) and we went through lots of sticker charts/pasta jar rewards/bribery/naughty step etc to try and change it. He is now much nicer again - don't know whether it was just a phase or whether one of the things we did worked!

What do you mean by being nasty? He's only 3? (I have a 3 year old ds)

Spend a lot of time teaching him what he should do and give him techniques for situations. I'm guessing your dd is at the grabbing stage etc? So that's hard for your ds to understand that she's only a baby. Try and tell your dd off as well (I mean saying stuff like "wait dd, that's DS's toy" not actual telling off) so he sees that he's not the only one being singled out.