Would you tell a friend her DS smokes?

[OverTheFieldsAndFarAway]

I have a lovely, kind, gentle friend whose 14 yr DS smokes. My DS, same age, told me 12 months ago he had seen him smoking and even spoke to him about it as he is a peer elected anti smoking counsellor.Personally I would want to know but decided against telling my friend as she had poured her heart out over her DS going off the rails, school grades suffering etc, all of which she claimed to stem from her DS hanging around with bad kids who smoke and drink. I cautiously asked about her DS smoking and she answered " never " and that she had asked him when she could smell smoke on him. He is an only child who seems to be able to wrap both parents around his finger. I have now seen him smoking myself and am questioning my decision. I have no wish to be shot as the messenger, which-is what I suspect would happen. What would you do?

It sounds as if the boy's smoking is just one of the problems in this family's life. And I wonder if his mum already knows but wouldn't admit it to you - especially as your son is an anti-smoking counsellor. You suspect you'd be shot as the messenger. If this happened, you may not be able to offer the support she'll need when some crisis occurs - which it surely will. Maybe just broach the subject of the challenges of bringing up kids and if she opens up about the difficulties in her family, then offer help and support?

I'd leave it...she knows.

Many thanks to you both, I shall keep my mouth firmly shut.