I need a gardening joke with some adult humour in it

[NeverHadANickname]

I need a joke to write in someone birthday card preferably gardening with some adult humour in there too. Not too long please. Thank you.

Sorry, but that title had to be quite of the week

Can't think of any, but there must be something about bushes, surely!

Or stroking vegetables

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Sorry no adult humour though.

Dorothy Parker, when asked to make a sentence using the word 'horticulture' said....

You can take a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.

Clever, but I don't approve of the connotations that being sexually promiscuous means you're dumb....

Thanks. They're really hard to find, I looked all over. Any more suggestions would be appreciated.

Better late than never:

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbour's garden, which had beautiful, bright-red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.
"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."
Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants, twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So," he asked. "Any luck with the tomatoes?"
"No," she replied excitedly. "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

oh my, I laughed sooo much!!!!!

still laughing :D :D