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Original poster

Asking for maternity/ new baby things back?

12 replies

vladthedisorganised · 04/03/2013 10:25

Just wondered if anyone could help me with the etiquette on this. I have a DD who is nearly 3; I was the first of my group of friends to have a baby so passed on pretty much all of my maternity clothes and new baby things, including books I'd found really handy in the first year. I did say at the time that I didn't need them 'at the moment' and would ask for them back as and when required, but that was about two years ago!

I'm now expecting my second DC and I'm really not sure if it would be rude to ask for some of the items back? I'm happy that none of my friends currently need the stuff as their DCs are now over a year old, and if I could get some of it back I would save myself a lot of money.

I don't want to be rude by asking: particularly if there's a chance my friends would feel bad if they'd passed the items on again. However, I'd save a lot of cash if I didn't have to buy everything a second time!

OP posts:

MNPin2013 · 04/03/2013 10:31

I would ask friends for items back for dc2, congratulations and it maybe that you get stuff back that isn't yours but is useful anyway.

WowOoo · 04/03/2013 10:36

I'd just ask 'I don't suppose you've still got...'.
Some stuff may have gone, but if they still have it they'll give it back.
It's not rude to ask IMO.

I lent baby manuals and pregnancy books and a bumbo and other stuff. Got it all back.

bacon · 05/03/2013 09:58

You've got no chance, by the time those clothes have done the rounds they'll be worn out or given away. I think its a bit much to expect friends to store them for you just in case you'd come back. If like me once finished with I either sell them or pop in charity bag or rags.

You could ask by "dont suppose but have you still got...." but you may be disappointed. Books are prob still there.

I was lucky with both DS1 & 2 I had bag fulls of 2nds. I also bought loads on e-bay too so in total I think I spent £100 on the birth of DS2 and lets face it you get loads of clothes and gifts so I wouldnt worry too much.

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Original poster

vladthedisorganised · 05/03/2013 10:04

Oh help. Just to be clear that I'm not expecting anything at all - I really don't expect my friends to do anything at all for me, they don't owe me anything and I gave the things to them as a 'it's not like I need it at the moment'.

However, I do want to know if it would be rude to ask on the off chance, because if by some chance they did have things like the health manuals, it would save me buying them again and would save some cash. I wouldn't be offended if they didn't, but the question is really whether a hypothetical person would be offended if I asked?

OP posts:

oscarwilde · 20/05/2013 14:54

I wouldn't be remotely offended if someone asked for stuff back. I woud have checked before disposing of it anyway and you'll probably find that if you are the first to have a second child, that they have kept it all in the presumption of more children.

Personally, I'd be more likely to do a general email about the good news and say that if anyone has some of the bits and pieces that you lent/passed on a couple of years ago, that you would be really appreciative to have them back for a while. In particular baby manuals, plastic bath or other essential items. You'll probably get twice as much stuff back, just be careful to note where to return them to.

In my experience though - I didn't refer to the manuals once with DD2 and she gets a quick rinse in the bath with DD1 in the frenetic bedtime rush so you'll probably use less stuff this time around.

syl1985 · 28/05/2013 01:44

I don't think there's any problem in asked the items back. That's not rude at all, except if you'd ask for them in a rude way. Or in a way that will make your friends feel uncomfortable.

But asking in a friendly way is no problem at all!!!

Just wondering if you still had ... that I gave to you years ago? If you don't have them anymore, no worries. But I thought you might still have it and if you do then is it possible for me to use them again for this pregnancy/baby?

FantasticMax · 22/06/2013 20:26

I have always been very grateful for hand me downs and such and have always returned stuff to the friend after DD has outgrown/finished with it. I would never dream of selling or passing stuff on that had been given to me in the way you describe. It's not mine to pass on!

It would not be rude at all to ask your friends for the stuff back, but the fact that they haven't returned stuff along the way doesn't make me too hopeful, sorry. But, as others say, they may be able to give you other stuff instead.

Alanna1 · 08/08/2013 18:47

I got nearly everything back - and lots more to boot! The few things I didn't get back had met with typical baby accidents. Eg I was lent both a baby bjorn and an ergo baby sling with my second, a fab mobile, and had some fantastic maternity dresses.

(And TBH I think some people were delighted to get some stuff out of their houses!).

BadlyWrittenPoem · 20/09/2013 13:29

If somebody gave me something saying they "didn't need it at the moment" and "would ask for it back" then I wouldn't dream of getting rid of it and would be annoyed if they didn't when I had been saving it waiting for them to ask for it back because by saying they would ask I would consider them to be saying "don't give it back until I ask for it" so I would say that you should ask for it back and I would not expect anyone in such circumstances to have got rid of it without permission or be not expecting to give it back at some point.

bumperella · 20/09/2013 21:05

I think is fine to ask "do you still have...?" In fact, would be weird not to - you need it, they don't (and probably don't want to have it cluttering up their loft!).

KCumberSandwich · 24/10/2013 19:55

no i don't think it's rude at all. i'm sure your friends will be happy to help you by returning things they have held onto, and may even offer things of theirs for you to use.

i would just phrase it like "i don't suppose you still have X,Y, Z as it would be useful to have a look at again".

missorinoco · 24/10/2013 20:03

I would go a step further, and say if you stated at the outset you were lending them, and would ask for them back, it is reasonable to expect to get them back, accepting wear and tear means some will be lost. It would be cheeky for them to have been passed on without permission.

Now is a good time to ask. "Could I get XXX back now I am expecting DC2," is fine.

We all passed around lots of maternity gear and clothes, and often put it in the garage or loft afterwards until it was wanted, as the person passing it on tended to be glad to have the space back.

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