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Original poster

Would you leave 17m old for 2 nights to go to a wedding?

26 replies

lovepigeon · 10/02/2013 21:00

I've been invited to a wedding but no +1 or children so am really unsure what to do. It is a long journey to get there (probably about 5 hrs door to door) so would not be able to go as a day trip, would be looking at 1 or 2 nights away from DH and DD. DD is 12m old atm and still breastfeeds to sleep and wakes quite a lot in the night, only settles for me at night time. Thought maybe could get DH and DD to travel up with me and they stay in hotel near by but would be difficult journey with a toddler and expensive.

I don't want to leave my DD for such a long time yet but also I don't want to be a bad friend by not going. Please help - what would you do in this situation?

OP posts:

Bluestocking · 10/02/2013 21:02

I wouldn't go.

Fourkisses · 10/02/2013 21:03

I would have left mine when they were that age. Does dd drink cows milk/ebm/formula from a cup/bottle ok? What does your dh think?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 10/02/2013 21:04

Yes.

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Aftereightsarenolongermine · 10/02/2013 21:07

I have left dcs for exact same reason but it was a very good friend who I'd been at school with.

clabsyqueen · 10/02/2013 21:08

Personally I would take this chance to let the OH wean her off the evening breastfeed, book a great hotel with a fabulous bath, load up on the weekend papers, throw a great bottle of red wine in your bag and RELAX for 2 days. God it sounds like bliss.

Original poster

lovepigeon · 10/02/2013 21:08

Thanks for the replies, need opinions to help me decide what is reasonable or not, also not knowing how I will feel when she is that much older. DH would be happy to look after her if I do decide to go but thinks due to cost/inconvience that I don't have to go if I don't want to. So not much help for me deciding.
Not tried her on other milk/ebm in a cup yet but she drinks water really well out of normal cups and beakers.

OP posts:

WhispersOfWickedness · 10/02/2013 21:08

I left DS when he was 16 mo with DH while I went to a wedding and stayed away for the night. When DD was 15 months, DH and I went away for 2 nights for our anniversary and both DC stayed with my lovely ILs who they are very close to. Both times I was still breastfeeding, the first trip did mean the end of bfing for DS but DD was a bit more attached to it, so we carried on as if I'd never been away when we got back.

I think it really makes a difference who you can leave them with, I wouldn't have left them with either of my parents as they don't know them as well.

weasle · 10/02/2013 21:08

I wouldn't go either. I got used to saying no to loads of family/baby unfriendly invitations when DC were little. Now they are older it is a bit easier to go out, but I still don't think I'd like to go so far away unless i really had to. They are only little for a short time. Send a gift and a nice note and plan a dinner or a visit as a family later on.

Lostonthemoors · 10/02/2013 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhispersOfWickedness · 10/02/2013 21:11

Sorry, just read that you will be leaving with your DH. Yes, I would definitely go in that case then, although it sounds like you're not that keen to go anyway?

girliefriend · 10/02/2013 21:14

I would definately go!! I am so as to why you wouldn't!!

Your dd will be fine at 17mos, could maybe understand your reluctance if she was under a year but for goodness sake having a child doesn't mean you can never do anything independent of them.

It would probably be a great chance for your oh to have some one on one time with dd and for you to relax and let your hair down. Do it!!

Re bfing, I am assuming the feeding to sleep and night feeds are something you are hoping to stop anyway so as another poster said would be great chance to start that.

This sounds more like your anxiety and need to be needed than any real reason not to go (sorry if thats a bit harsh!)

Original poster

lovepigeon · 10/02/2013 21:17

Thanks again for all the responses. I think I will find it really hard to enjoy myself if I do go as I will be missing DD and I'm not very confident in those kinds of social situations (parties and weddings). The fact that some of you have said you would not have gone makes me feel less guilty for deciding to not go. Just worried it will be a bit awkward as I am seeing this friend in 2 weeks time and feel bad letting her down - unless you think she might have expected me to not be able to go.

OP posts:

Casmama · 10/02/2013 21:18

I left my ds with my dh for two days when he was 10 months old to go on my sisters hen do. The were absolutely fine- well except for the fact that dh put ds down in just a nappy as it was really warm and woke up to find he had dirtied his nappy, managed to get it off and smear shit all over himself and the cot.
Only time in his life he ever did that.

MirandaWest · 10/02/2013 21:18

I probably wouldn't have done with DS (PFB) but would have done with DD (NSC). Although both had stopped bf by a year so didn't have that to factor into things.

lovethesun1 · 10/02/2013 21:19

I would. We have been going for a week's hol without our ds every year since he was around 10mths. But I don't think it matters what anyone else does. With a no kids/+1 rule,your friend will have to accept that some people won't be able to make it. If you all going up together & just you going to the wedding is really out of the question,I think you just have to go with what you feel comfortable with in the here & now.

Neither makes you a bad friend :)

Original poster

lovepigeon · 10/02/2013 21:21

Opportunity for DD and DH to have lots of time the two of them would be a good reason to go. I'm probably getting over emotional at thought of leaving her because I have just gone back to work and miss her so much.

OP posts:

TheFallenNinja · 10/02/2013 21:22

I'd pack the night bag, kiss them goodbye and whistle all the way up the path.

KatherineKrupnik · 10/02/2013 21:24

Bit odd the invite is no plus one, since you clearly have a long-term partner in your life, & she must expect that might make it difficult to attend since you have a child together?

Anyway, your DD will almost certainly be absolutely fine at 17m with her loving dad. I left my DD1 with her dad for two nights around that age, & she was fine. She continued breastfeeding to sleep/during the day when I came back. I will be leaving my DD2 for two nights when she is 18m next month, & I fully expect her to barely miss me, as her separation anxiety has recently settled down hugely.

So that is all to say of course you can leave her, if you want to, & I would - but that doesn't mean you have to. Plead childcare issues if necessary - maybe DP has something on that weekend...

Shakey1500 · 10/02/2013 21:27

I'd do exactly the same as The FallenNinja and possible throw in one of those jaunty jumps where you click your heels to one side whilst in the air

ClimbingPenguin · 10/02/2013 21:29

I am going away when DS will be a similar age. He still has night feeds.

Difference is it's a weekend away I am planning and want to go on. It comes down to you whether you want to go or not. That decides whether you are happy to leave her. There is a price to pay so make sure it's for something worthwhile.

Original poster

lovepigeon · 10/02/2013 21:41

Hmmm lots to think about. Have realised major part of it is probably that I get very anxious in these kind of situations - I basically hate going to parties generally and especially without DH around to talk to if I'm felling shy. So basically it sounds as though DD and DH would be fine together and its me who wouldn't be

OP posts:

kickassmomma · 10/02/2013 21:44

Could you not speak to your friend and see if the could make an exception? Failing that plenty of expressing and a list of instructions and I'm sure you dh would cope and you'd have a good time

BabyRoger · 10/02/2013 21:47

at fallenninja and shakey - me too!

Being serious. I left DD when she was 14 months with her granny and I went to the wedding of my best friend which was 250 miles away. I was really nervous but once I was there it was fine.

I left DS (second baby) at 6 months for a night to go to a friends wedding. I was still BF him but he had formula at night so was used to taking a bottle.

If you are not comfortable, though, don't go.

xlatia · 10/02/2013 21:47

so the wedding is still 5 months away? that's quite a long time for a baby/toddler. at 12 months my DS would still feed to sleep and wake at least 2,3 times a night. fast forward 2 months and he goes to sleep with me or DP just being there and sleeps through. we didn't do anything, it just happened. so chances are that your situation will be v different from how it's now as well.

long story short - if you can wait a bit longer until you commit to anything, your problem might have solved itself.

exoticfruits · 10/02/2013 22:08

If you are leaving with DH I would say it was fine.

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