New Year, New village, New nursery.

[julz09]

Hi folks just looking for advice. We live in a very rural location have lived here for just over 3 years, moved from the city. The nearest town and village is 3 miles away in each direction. Ds turned 3 last Oct so just 3 and a bit. Ds and i have really struggled to intergate into the community as not much of the locals take us on or at least the mums with small children, hubby works in the city so has nothing to do with the locals. When ds was 2 i put him straight into playgroup so he could make friends and i could get speaking to the mums while dropping off and collecting and hopefully make some friends too. It all went a bit wrong though ds stayed there for just over a year, never made any friends, none of the parents spoke to us i got so fed up in the last few months we just sat in the car when dropping off until the class door opened and then went in so we did not have to stand around with no one speaking to us. Ds has now started at a nursery (started on Tue) its in a different village all the mums stand outside the classroom door chatting so far no one has spoke to us (early days i know). Yesterday ds had a invitation in his pigeon hole for a birthday party for 2 of the kids in his class (joint party). I asked a mum who the parents were so i could go speak to them, a mum pointed one of them out. So i go over all smiles say hi, introduce myself, say thank you for the invite and say we would happily attend. The mum looks at me just says "thanks" turns her back to me and keeps talking to all the other mums that are standing there! I just felt so deflated, the nursery is in the school ds will be attending so we really need him to settle and for us to make friends there. I have signed up to join the PTA and school council so hoping to meet some friendly faces there. I just find the locals here so rude and uninviting, have hated the time we have lived here and was banking on the parents at the school being a key to friend making but so far its just been horrible. Any ideas? I always smile and try to say when i pass people (wonder if they think im mad?) The area is not one that has ever really expanded much, not many outsiders and they very much prefer you to be born and 5th generation here other wise you are a townie coming here and stealing their houses. I feel myself slowely going stark raving mad.

hmm thats a tough one - takes you back to playground days and being left out and picked last doesn't it?! School drop offs are notorious for this.
where are you in the uk btw? I find in england people don't talk if they dont know you and look at you as if you have two heads if you strike up conversation whereas up north here people are more friendly and chat to anyone.
If it were me I would wait til the party then pick the friendliest looking mum who gives you eye contact and go up and talk to her. Tell her you haven't met many people locally and invite her over to yours for coffee or for a play with the kids.

I moved to a rural area when ds was 7 mo and literally went knocking on peoples doors who had kid stuff in their gardens...i'd say oh hello we just moved in down the road and i dont know anyone and my ds is looking for a pal etc. My health visitor was very helpful too surprisingly and organised for one mum to give me a call to meet up which led to a great friendship.
Pta can be a bit hit and miss too, they can be really cliquey.
Do you have a local park? If you went there and struck up a conversation with another mum that may be easier than the school crowd en masse.
I do hope it improves, or that you live near me then i can help

Thank you so much purple for the reply and advice. I live in the north of Scotland. I Have been doing the school run to nursery for a week now and still no hello from anyone. I'm really hoping the party is going to be okay feeling a bit nervous. The nearest towns and villages do have parks but they are not good and ds does not like them. There is an excellent one 15min away which ds does love but it is on a beach and we don't get the weather to go there much. The nearest houses with kids is at the village or town 10min away. I'm going to see if there are any groups in the village that ds can attend. .

I'd go to childre s centers in The town if I were you to get you more friends , go to every class going ! We moved to a village so no one would know us as we had lived in social housing flats with everyone knowing our business and I couldnt take it anymore so it suited us but my teenager has found the isolation terrible so in some ways not the best move
It's hard to get the right balance . I feel as long as you have friends around somewhere nearby it doesn't have to be in the village then it wont matter as much