People taking offence

[FoxtrotFoxtrotSierra]

I'm new to blogging, writing about and making sense of my return to university and how different it is doing a degree the second time around.

A comment a fellow student made about me having all the time in the world to do my reading was the inspiration for my blog this week - the point being that because she works a few hours a week she doesn't have time. I wrote about it coming down to choices and making time, and didn't name her or even say anything rude, just that we make our choices and not having time is an excuse - one I've made all too often in the past when I've just chosen to spend my time doing something else.

Anyway, I've copped a mouthful from her via text and facebook, which is nice, about how "I know nothing about her struggles" and similar. I think she's wholly overreacting as the blog post was about me, rather than her. Do you think I need to change how I write (and how do we write about stuff that happens without writing about interactions with people?) or develop a thicker skin to people tantrumming.

Blog post is here if you want to see what I said - it's the last paragraph she's cross about.

Hi Foxtrot,
I think you've probably hit a nerve and that's why she's so annoyed ;-)
You probably could have done without the bit about her 'berating you' though, and perhaps kept it all it little more abstract and general... Always best if people can't be sure if it's them you're talking about!
Otherwise it seems like a very fair and measured post, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.
As a student I was once attacked for stating that a group meal we were booking was 'affordable' - one women pointed out very strongly that 'I had no idea of her circumstances and how dare I say it was affordable' etc. etc.
I'm still smarting (slightly) from that, and it was nigh on 20 years ago!

Sorry, completely disagree. You come across as really smug, and very critical of her. I think you should consider yourself lucky to not have to work, frankly.

How helpful, Pootles.

I see your point, Thea, it's just that she really did have a go about how lucky I am - and I don't agree it's luck, and I smart a bit at the insinuation that it's easy for me when I have plenty of demands on my time, though (as I admit) not the same ones as other people. I was trying to make it about me, I really was, but I accept by depersonalising it, maybe by talking about TV rather than the show would have worked. Funnily, the rest of the group in the discussion have responded positively even though I was the only one who had done the reading (and they were all watching I'm a Celebrity as an excuse too).

I'm finding it quite difficult to make the comments more general/abstract as I was trying to relay something that got me thinking, particularly in the context of the homily we'd heard in church. I guess it's a lesson to learn.

Ok, sorry, I admit that was a short reply/not overly helpful, sorry i'm meant to be working not mning. I think maybe I'm being a little sensitive as I was the one at uni with 2 jobs, and all my friends were being bankrolled by others and couldn't understand how busy I was.

Mentioning this other women was never going to end well, honestly. The rest of the blog post is really good, I think it could just have done with taking that bit out, if that makes sense?

I know what you mean - do you think if I had put in that it had been mentioned that I was lucky to have the time and then gone on to explain how I'd wasted time in the past it may not have been as abrasive. It just really got me thinking. I failed my first degree because I made excuses and chose to do other things with my time, and lord knows I had plenty of it! Conversely, I did very well at my professional qualifications whilst working full time and juggling a house and a manchild (thankfully an ex now).

It's very frustrating to have the "it's alright for you - you have time/money/experience/whatever" levelled at you and I wanted to make a reasoned response, in a less emotive way than being embroiled in an argument with someone who has to have the last word (she's rubbed me up the wrong way a lot of late) because it is actually harder for me now - studying isn't as natural as it was at 18 and I have to work a lot harder to retain stuff. I want to shout about how unfair it is

It's a bit of a minefield really - and do you think I can say I didn't have plenty of time this week as I was agonising on MN about upsetting her

I was expecting to read something much worse than it actually was and was prepared to defend your fellow student but now that I've read it, I don't think you said anything worthy of mouthful copping. ;)

I was much the same as a student - never any time to read the course books (and I did bloody History of Art so they were basically PICTURE BOOKS FFS) but always plenty of time to go out drinking or see bands or play practical jokes on campus.

Nowadays though, I think I'd be much better simply because I'm much more busy and that forces me to be organised and think more carefully about how I divide up my time - also the school run etc means that I'm up and out of bed by 8am, which is a BIG help and a massive difference to my teen student days. What's that saying again? 'If you want something doing, ask a busy person to do it'? ;)

Has it been edited as I couldnt see anything offensive?

Yes I edited it. I wrote an apology and then decided the whole thing was a bit over the top so I changed the original post and deleted the apology.

The original sneered a bit pointed out that having a go about not having time to study yet knowing all about I'm a celebrity was telling.

I think I'll stick to being a bit more abstract in future - I forgot how fragile the feelings/ego is when you're a teenager.