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Original poster

I have hit a wall with being a Mum

82 replies

theyfuckyouup · 04/08/2011 20:53

I am a SAHM to three DCs aged nearly 5, nearly 3 and 16 months. I thought I'd be a good mum and I'd love being at home. I'm not and I don't. I used to happily do loads with my children; craft, baking, outings, gardening, playing games, chatting etc but I now I kind of dread and resent it all. When my DH is home I enjoy it more but when I'm on my own I either feel like a zombie-robot Mummy going through the motions, like tears are welling up all the time, or like I'm going to snap and lose my temper. I feel like I'm failing my kids and my husband but although I keep promising to do better I bounce back to feeling the same.

OP posts:
baskingseals · 04/08/2011 22:34

op sleep well and sweetly

you are not alone, even when you feel you are - we all have them, we're all doing it.

Bohica · 04/08/2011 22:37

Oh Please let me join in. I could cry, I have just had a lightbulb moment that I am not the only one.

Can I tell you a secret?

I hate my 3 today Sad

No-one thinks about me. I'm the one that keeps everyone ticking along. I'm the one with a fake smile on her face whilst a toddler & my HUSBAND argue over more biscuits or not. I'm the one who does everything while they mess it all up again............................

I could go on Sad

Thank you for this thread.

baskingseals · 04/08/2011 22:39

are you ok Bohica?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Carrotsandcelery · 04/08/2011 22:43

Bohica you sound like a normal, doing her best mum then. You are most definitely not alone.

baskingseals · 04/08/2011 22:49

no you're not
god i bloody wish i was sometimes

i mean you'd get fed up with George Clooney if he was in your face demanding stuff 16 hours a day

the magic would go a bit wouldn't it
it's not them and it's not you
it's the fact you do it ALL the time

Bohica · 04/08/2011 23:01

I'm ok basking but thank you for being the first person to ask me in, er....... nope, I can't remenber the last time someone asked if I was ok.

They all drive me mad but that doesn't mean I don't love them Smile

It's great to find a place where I can truly say what I feel TODAY without any reprocutions.

I'm now a working mum but only 2 months in so very fragile in the change over & although shoes & clothes help I still despair at their lack of thougght aboout me Sad

Thanks carrots I'm V.interested in your food & mood theory as I live on no food during the day & I have marked my place on your linked thread.

colditz · 04/08/2011 23:02

Have you seen that NSPCC advert?

The one with the sergeant major who screams orders at the knackered woman all day (then all night)

It's THE most realistic NSPCC ad I've ever ever seen. That's just what small children do. They make hundreds and hundreds of demands of you every single day of your life, and most of it is things that you need to give them - food, clean clothes, drink, another drink, a drink in a RED CUP, more food, a nappy change, a milk feed forbaby, simultanious burping/jigsaw making etc etc etc

It never ends! Until (she) one day it kind of does.

One goes to school. You're one down, and your day just got easier. Then the last one goes to school and OH MY gOD the peace. You can go to work (in peace!) or you can meet a mate for coffee (in peace! In blissfull peace!)

It comes around so fast too. DOn't panic, it's coming. Never mind not wishing their lives away, I like my kids NOW, I much prefer them to when they were 4 and 1!

baskingseals · 04/08/2011 23:06

bohica, like another poster said upthread - it is the hardest job in the world, and sometimes the least appreciated.

if i've had a scratchy day with them, if i'm in the right mood i'll go and look at them sleeping. sometimes helps.
hope tomorrow is better.

baskingseals · 04/08/2011 23:09

thanks for that colditz, some of my days seem like they last a fortnight

Bohica · 04/08/2011 23:11

Colditz everyone keeps telling me that having 3 girls only get's harder. It honestly can't get harder than this, This is horrible & I just wish they would love each other & appreciate what mummy does.

Funny thing is, now I'm at work they still expect me to do everything at home whilst I am at work Hmm

I apprreciate what you have posted though & it made me smile if only with wishfull thoughts!

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 04/08/2011 23:20

What a lovely honest thread this is I'm going to keep hold of it so that I can read it back again when I am feeling like a crap mum making crap choices in a crap life because I, like all mothers get those days. At the moment I am in a good place (because I am going back to work, after I wanted to be a SAHM) and I feel so much better after being honest with myself. I think that we need to have time away from our children so that we can recharge our batteries and wipe the slate clean. I always feel in a great mood when I go and pick DS up from nursery at the end of the day as opposed to being tired and irritable after days spent at home with him. He now gets the best of me which eases the guilt about putting him in a nursery.

perfumedlife · 04/08/2011 23:24

Just wanted to post a quick apology Blush I was in no way meaning I had anything like as hard a load as mothers with three dc. I just meant to add support in that, even with my light load, I know it can be lonely and feel tedious.

I totally salute you mothers doing that times three. Times two even. I think it's the hardest job in the world, and one of the least appreciated. Thank god for Mumsnet. x

SilveryMoon · 05/08/2011 07:44

Morning.
I did post a message earlier, but MN seems to have eaten it!
Hope everyone is feeling a bit better today.
Have a good day x

baskingseals · 05/08/2011 08:04

perfumedlife, you certainly don't need to apologise to me in any way.
i do not feel that you have it cushy because you have one. i was on my own with dd for 5 years, i was not lying on my sofa, reading mags and practising throwing ferraro rochers into my mouth.

SilveryMoon · 05/08/2011 08:14

That'd be the life wouldn't it? Smile
I can't remember much about only having 1. Ds1 was 18m when ds2 was born, but sometimes I think that yes it's horrid with the constant fighting and bickering they do now, but sometimes it's a bit easier because they have each other and not just me iyswim.
Parenting is never easy whether you have 1 or 5

moonbells · 05/08/2011 08:57

I have only one and I work f/t, and so I feel slightly fake adding to this thread.

Grass may look greener on the working side to you at the moment, but though I get a break during the day from DS's endless demands, the house side suffers and you end up going home to a second full-time job that needs more hours than you have left in the day. I admit I don't think I would cope if I was a SAHM and definitely not if I had any more, so congrats on that one!

If you are worried that the GP can't do anything, that's a sure sign of being a bit depressed. "What's the point" and "They can't help" are classic indicators. yes they can help. Referring you to a counsellor is a very good method of getting your head clear, though you'd need to not have the children in the room during sessions! If your youngest is only 16 mths then you may have lingering undiagnosed PND.

I would advise typing or writing your feelings down for a few days. Say how you react, if you feel tearful, and use this as an aide-memoire when you see the GP so you don't clam up. I find this works well and stops me forgetting or feeling daft for why I went to see her in the first place! Do ask if you might have PND or exhaustion.

Good luck

Clarabumps · 05/08/2011 09:06

Everything you have said reiterates how I feel on a daily basis. Not all day every day..well sometimes..but I think for me its the trapped feeling I have. I have no way out and I simply need to thole out the bad times till they grow up. Once I was on Anti depressants it certainly did take the edge off. The crying and despair wasn't as bad..I could still recognise that I was fed up but I wasn't in hysterical tears about it. I love Mumsnet for this and I spend time on here if I get five minutes to sit on my arse.. It makes me feel connected to the adult world.
I have two boys and they just constantly squabble and fight. groan!

mrsravelstein · 05/08/2011 09:07

i've enjoyed reading this thread as i woke up this morning (at 5am, as usual, by a rampaging toddler) and pondered what would happen if i just stayed in bed til 9am and let my 3dc go feral... it was tempting, but by 5.10am dd, aged 18 months, was occupying herself with trying to plug random bits of cable/wire into electrical sockets, so i thought i'd better not risk it... but honestly some (most) days i feel like i've run a marathon by 7am, and then there's still another 12 hours of childcare to go!

Scootergrrrl · 05/08/2011 09:17

Things I would like to happen today...
I would like the baby to let go of my leg for five minutes so I can have a shower.
I would like DD (7) and DS (5) to stop arguing over specific Hama beads. We have approximately 30,000 of them ffs. You do not both need the same red one.
I would like DH to come home and say well done for getting through today instead of what a tip it is Sad

mrsravelstein · 05/08/2011 09:22

scooter, i know what you mean, dh has taken to saying "could you possibly find the time to..." then asks for random jobs to be done, as if i am just breezing along entertaining 3 kids 24 hours a day in a new house in a new area where we don't know a soul and while simultaneously managing all the plumbers/electricians/decorators/carpenters etc who are all working on the house. dh is murderous by 10am on a saturday morning when there's 2 of us to 3 kids, yet wonders why i am so flippin exhausted by the time he gets home at 9pm on a weekday (expecting supper)

Scootergrrrl · 05/08/2011 09:26

Mine does that too. And then expects afters, if you know what I mean Wink

I tried to explain nicely to him last night that I have had small people grabbing, poking, pulling and demanding all day long and I just need to be left in a little touch-free bubble for a while. I don't think he got it.

SilveryMoon · 05/08/2011 09:51

My dp's like that too.
He does sweet FA around the house and doesn't do much if anything at all with the boys without me, then will make sly little digs about a plate left on the living room table or something.
He gets the ump if he has to get up with one of the kids through the night because he works so hard, and he just generally really pisses me off.
I get a lot more stressed with everything when he is around and get quite short with the boys because dp comes home, starts snapping at them straight away so I get pissed off with him and take it out on the lo's.
I'm doing it now too Sad
I told dp I wanted to get to the park by 10:30 but I wanted to pick up some stuff from the shop on the way, so what does he do? Lays in bed all bloody morning, gets up at the last minute to get dressed and ahve breakfast, so now we are all sitting here with our shoes on waiting for him.

I hate men. haven't got a clue and never will. I often say to mine that the only way he'd ever understand what my life is like is if I died and he'd have to do it all, but of course he wouldn't because he'd find some other mug to do it all.

Aaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhh.

Anyway, am off to the park.
See ya Smile

mrsravelstein · 05/08/2011 09:53

ha, scooter, mine too... Grin

Bohica · 05/08/2011 22:20

Oh god it's the weekend again! And to make matters worse I have mixed up my dates up & told them we are going camping with our best friends tomorrow but it's not this weekend it's next weekend so they are going to A. wake me up at 6am ready to go camping & B. have the right ump that I told them the wrong weekend.

My fault but my head is so full of work I'm just grateful I remembered to pick them up from holiday club.

How's every ones day been today?

SilveryMoon · 06/08/2011 01:56

Bohica - do you have a garden you could camp in this weekend? Tell them they could have a practise?
Are your dc's old enough to tell the time? Maybe you could turn all your clocks back an hour if so.......
We've had a good day, went to the park with a few of ds1's friends for his birthday and wore them out.
Tomorrow my bro is coming over so that should be an easier afternoon at home.

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