Should I give dh his share of money back or keep quiet?

[HomemadeCommunistRussia]

Recently we had to get some work done it the house. I arranged for a friend to do some of it for us at 'mates rates'.

dh and I have separate bank accounts and he earns 10x as much as me. We agreed (me for a quiet life) that I would pay about a 3rd and he would pay the rest.

When I went to pay my friend he refused most of the cash. I'm grateful we are skint, my job is very shakey and summer holiday expenses loom (new shoes/uniform and stuff-not an actual holiday).

Should I tell dh and give him his share back? Or pocket it and take some pressure off me?

BTW if I give it him back he will be chuffed and use it to make a larger payment on his credit card this month I expect. If I keep it it will be spent on new shoes for and so on for dc rather than me having to put them on MY credit card.

so WWYD?

Tell him I was taking his share of the 'windfall' to spend on necessities for the children.

I wouldn't give him a penny, but then, I don't believe in all this separate finances crap and splitting things like a pair of flatmates at uni.

What would I do? Seek couples' counselling with a view to sharing finances in a fairer and more open way.

How awful that you are worrying about the children's school clothes and don't feel that you can be honest about this.

I would think that most couples who retain separate finances keep different accounts for spending on the children, the house etc?

I would put a stop to you having to pay 1/3 of a joint expense when your H earns 10x what you do.

You're married and have dc, you are committed to each other and finances should be fairer. I'd suggest you putting all income into a joint account and each having a separate account for personal spending. Children and houses expenses are paid for out of joint money. This is assuming they are his dc of course..

You're going into debt for school clothes and shoes for his kids when he earns 10x more than you.

Imagine the amount of maintenance he'd be ordered to pay if you got shot of him and his idea of giving your a quieter life?

Erm, why on earth do you feel you need to lie to your own DH about money? Surely if he earns that much you could just say "hey DH, DCs need their uniform for September, can I please have a bit of cash for it?" or something?

DH and I share all money... I understand that not everyone does it the same as us but your DH sounds like a miserly git.

My DH and I also have separate finances although both of our earnings are variable depending on work/sales etc but we each put our share into joint account for house and DS so although in your circumstances I would keep the extra cash I would also be telling DH to pay up for HIS DC needs. (also assuming they are his kids?)

I knew I would get stick for separate finances; It is a heinous crime on mumsnet.

We have separate finances because we have different personalities and it suits us better than the alternative. It is not without hiccoughs though.

dh pays all the regular bills and for food and so on. My money is supposed to be for me,(it's a pittance) lately though with things getting more expensive and neither of our incomes going up, I have had to use my money for ordinary things and days, out holidays and eating out have all gone to the wall.

This has been an unexpected, but very necessary expense that neither of us could afford.

If I keep the money it just saves me another money conversation dh and I are as skint as each other-he earns more, but has very little to spend on himself.

I would use it and go and buy the uniforms and then just say to him your mate asked for less money so you spent the rest on thud uniforms.