The insensitive things my mum says

[Molinko]

My auntie and I have always laughed off the fact that the women in our family are sadly lacking of tact and thinking before talking. I try to take into account other people's feelings before opening my gob, but I know I say things that out of context sound mean.

My mum has taken this to a whole new level. She is deeply insensitive and says things which I think many people would find rude or upsetting, I'm pretty sure there's nothing malicious there but my DH and MIL think differently.

Example 1 - With my MIL in the car she moans for ages about how far my Dad has parked from the supermarket (she is in good physical health btw) and while walking round the supermarket with MIL calls my Dad a horrible man and comments that soon he'll be dead. My MIL was rightly horrified.

Example 2 - Said to my Auntie, whose husband died a few months ago, at least you don't have to buy as much groceries now.

I'm at my wits end with her and want to tell her how rude this is but she is so defensive and she'll know we've all been discussing her behind her back. My MIL has decided she really doesn't want to spend any time with her in future, how can I talk to my Mum about this?

She sounds very unhappy, I would say (over a cup of tea) you have noticed that she is not her old self(maybe not strictly true but play to her vanity)and you are very worried about her behaviour, point out comments that she has made that are totally inappropriate and like the ones you mentioned and ask what is getting her down as this has to stop, it is upsetting and in front of MIL is out of order, that you love your dad and your aunt is only recently a widow.
Ask her what is really bothering her and you want to help but this has to stop for everyone sake.
If the nicely approach does not work you may have to be blunt and brutal and say that, enough is enough and it has to stop, if she has nothing nice to say then don't say anything, that she is becoming an embarrassment, esp in front of MIL and you were mortified of comment in front of aunt. Tell her she is becoming a moaning old woman and people will be avoiding her because she has nothing nice to say.
You need to choose your tac tic, you know her best, she may well get the right arse and not speak to you for a while but they are terrible things to say.
My mother loves a moan but only in jest about my dad and typically about service but those comments are deeply hurtful and until she behaves herself I think keep MIL away.
good luck with it..................

She needs to know that not everyone shares her dark sense of humour. Some people will, but others will be offended by it.