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Original poster

Would you take a 17 day old newborn to a wedding over 4 hours away?

65 replies

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:08

Dilemma:

My brother is getting married at end of May - minimum of 4.5 hours away by train, approx 5 hours by car.

My first baby is due on 12th May.

DH and I don't drive, so it's a choice of having to get the train (with pram and all baby paraphernalia, so prob not realistic) or ask a member of my family to travel down to collect us and take us there and back.

Background info - bridezilla SIL has already said she doesn't want the baby there (wedding is in a hotel). First off, said she doesn't want baby on site at all (WTF!), then said it can only be there for certain parts of the day. Cue massive arguments between her and my brother, ending up with her own Mum telling her she was an idiot not to let it come. Upshot is that I think she's grudgingly said it can be there.

Bearing in mind that baby might not come in time to make the whole thing viable, however if she does come on time, would I be in any fit state to go?

Has anyone else taken a baby to a wedding so soon after, and what was it like?

Is it madness to even contemplate going?

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 26/02/2011 13:12

Ooh, too many variables, too close to the date!
Baby could be late, up to 2w, bringing you pretty much up to wedding day = no.
Baby could be early, all go smoothly, you recover well = yes.
You might need a CS = no, unless baby really early and you're well on the way to back to normal
Baby might have a lot of colic = no
Baby might be ill = no
YOu might just feel utterly shattered = no.
But none of those last three might happen in which case = yes.

Can you leave it open-ended or do they have to have a decision from you?

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/02/2011 13:12

Oh dear, that's going to be really hard, however you do it.

And what if your baby is born after your edd, like the vast majority of first babies are? What if you have a c-section? You will still have some discomfort from the wound so soon after birth.

Will you brother be terribly upset if you just don't go?

I know there is absolutely no way I could have travelled all that distance and stayed away from home all night when either of my babies were under about three months old.

rubyslippers · 26/02/2011 13:16

I took my DD who was 4 weeks old to my brother's wedding

It was 3.5 hours away

It was tough but doable - worst bit was she cluster fed so I missed a lot of the evening stuff

I think I was still high from the birth as I looked GREAT in the pictures! I would have found it more of a PITA if she was older as newborns are very portable

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weddings
RealityIsKnockedUp · 26/02/2011 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:17

thumbwitch and bibbity - they haven't pressed us to make a decision (tbh, I think SIL is secretly hoping we won't go, so as not to detract attention from her!) and my brother has said he'll understand if we can't. Both DB and I would be sad though, as we're really close.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 26/02/2011 13:17

I did the travelling bit was she was 2 weeks old

Original poster
tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:22

Ruby - the feeding aspect is something I'm worrying about too. If we did get someone to collect us in the car, it's likely to be my Mum's partner who would be driving us there and back. Presuming I can breast feed, the thought of sitting in his car with my norks out every hour or so makes me feel a bit weird (not that I think bf is weird, iyswim, just that I won't be used to it and will prob be anxious about spraying his car with milk! :)

OP posts:
TheMonster · 26/02/2011 13:23

I doubt very much that you'll feel up to it.

Original poster
tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:24

Really Reality? Is it a totally stupid idea?

OP posts:
Slightlyreluctantexpat · 26/02/2011 13:25

If it were not your first baby and if your SIL were more easy-going, I'd say go! As it is, I'd say not. I wouldn't (and I'm laid-back too, like Reality).

Original poster
tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:26

I think I've been deluding myself that it'll be fine (first timer naive emoticon!)

OP posts:
Cadmum · 26/02/2011 13:27

I would... BUT I would likely regret it afterwards.

My family have always lived a great distance from us and we move heaven and earth in order to spend time with them.

(I am the kind of idiot that has a 5 day old at the top of the Empire State Building in NYC in order to amuse family so not the voice of reason, really.)

Would your brother be upset not to have you there? I was tempted to say that my brother and I are quite close and prior to his wedding, I would have been sure that he would be devastated without us but he ran off and eloped so nothing in life is certain.

I think that under the circumstances you might want to try and 'wait-and-see-approach'.

Cadmum · 26/02/2011 13:28

You might not be deluding yourself at all. Smile I was at Costco with ds1 within hours of his birth. Anything is possible. Trouble is that nothing is predictable...

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 26/02/2011 13:29

You'll need to stop to feed so if that's every hour or so it'll double your journey time.

I'd say no and then reconsider if you're very early. I'm refusing to make firm plans for a month following due date and I'm also of the portable newborn school or though but arrival dates are never exact and you can't predict how the birth will go.

trifling · 26/02/2011 13:29

No way. Odds are baby will be late by a week or more. You can't bf without taking baby out of carseat so lots of stops- some babies are slow feeders. I would assume it's not possiblr.

DerangedSibyl · 26/02/2011 13:29

No fucking way.

And as it's your first baby, you will probably go over 40 (by up to 2 weeks)weeks, and you will be potentially wandering around with a 3 day old baby.

You will be shattered, your tits will be leaking, you will be bleeding like a stuck pig and you might have a weak bladder and that's if you have a textbook easy birth.

Just Say No.

Wigeon · 26/02/2011 13:32

My baby is due 12 May as well Smile! Second baby.

I would say: maybe. Presumably you would stay the night if it's a 10 hour round trip?

The train might actually be easier than the car as on a train you can BF whilst continuing to travel, and you can constantly cuddle your baby but with a car, you periodically (potentially) have a screaming baby every few hours, have to keep stopping at service stations, discover the baby actually only wants a cuddle, not a feed, only to set off again and the baby immediately resumes the screaming. And then it turns out they are actually hungry. And you stop again. Etc. A newborn would probably far prefer being cuddled all the time, rather than being strapped in a car seat. Although they do sleep a lot, so actually a tiny baby is possibly more portable than an older baby.

And you need hardly any paraphenalia for a 17 day old - nappies, your breasts (are you planning on BF?) or bottles, change of clothes, muslins. No need for toys / books /snacks etc like an older child. You don't even necessarily need a pram - sling or just holding such as small baby is fine.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 26/02/2011 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wigeon · 26/02/2011 13:32

I would definitely have it in mind that you may well not go though...

Original poster
tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:33

cadmum you're brave - 5 day old in NYC!

Yes, I think DB would be upset, but would understand.

Like you say, the 'wait and see' approach is prob best, as I suppose there's no way of knowing how I'll feel.

Just trying to work out what to do about hotel though (we would be staying at the hotel they're getting married in on the night of the wedding as all family will be there, then staying at my Mum's house the rest of the time). I guess I can book the hotel now and cancel later if needs be.

OP posts:
DrSpechemin · 26/02/2011 13:37

Yes - definitely wait and see - confirm but say there is the possibility that you may not be able to make it.

I went to my dad's wedding when dd was 10 days old - she (and I were) were fine - it was exhausting however and I was still bleeding quite heavily so couldn't really relax. Also had emcs so still a bit wobbly.

That said - the wedding was only an hour away so we could have come home earlier if need be - if it was any more than that I wouldn't have considered it.

Original poster
tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:37

Trifling and Snap - good points about having to stop to breast feed. I wasn't even aware that you aren't allowed to have them out of the car seat at all, not even to feed. Just shows how clueless I am!

OP posts:
kahlua4me · 26/02/2011 13:37

I took my dd to my lovely cousin's wedding when she was 10 days old and my ds was 3.

It was probably easier for us as my dh drove and we hired a house for 4 days with my parents, db and sil. Was very easy and good to be at wedding.

Also my cousin was very relaxed about us going and we did not have to decide until last minute. I did really want to go and was good to be pampered all weekend. I had a cs so could not do much but everyone else happy to all running about for me!

I would say to wait until nearer the time and then see how you feel and how baby is

DrSpechemin · 26/02/2011 13:38

I also felt incredibly protective over dd - everyone wanted to have a cuddle with her - I didn't really want her to be passed round so much but everyone loved seeing her when she was so little.

beanlet · 26/02/2011 13:38

Assuming the baby is early or on time, and that you don't have a caesarian or other complications, AND you establish breastfeeding fine, then it will probably be slightly tiring but fine. I had a CS and ababy that wouldn't latch on properly, and we took him on a 3.5 hr journey by train, involving two changes, to visit his granny, when he was 2 weeks old. He slept most of the time and it was nowhere near as bad as I'd feared - in fact everyone on the train was really helpful.

That being said, you can't guarantee any of these things. If I were you I would probably use it as an excuse not to go, as your SIL sounds appalling. Perhaps your DP could go alone? Or you could say yes in case everything is fine, buy cheap train tix in advance, and then if there are complications you can pull out and just throw the tix away.