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Original poster

Would you take a 17 day old newborn to a wedding over 4 hours away?

65 replies

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:08

Dilemma:

My brother is getting married at end of May - minimum of 4.5 hours away by train, approx 5 hours by car.

My first baby is due on 12th May.

DH and I don't drive, so it's a choice of having to get the train (with pram and all baby paraphernalia, so prob not realistic) or ask a member of my family to travel down to collect us and take us there and back.

Background info - bridezilla SIL has already said she doesn't want the baby there (wedding is in a hotel). First off, said she doesn't want baby on site at all (WTF!), then said it can only be there for certain parts of the day. Cue massive arguments between her and my brother, ending up with her own Mum telling her she was an idiot not to let it come. Upshot is that I think she's grudgingly said it can be there.

Bearing in mind that baby might not come in time to make the whole thing viable, however if she does come on time, would I be in any fit state to go?

Has anyone else taken a baby to a wedding so soon after, and what was it like?

Is it madness to even contemplate going?

OP posts:

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 13:52

Beanlet good idea, will have a look at trains now. Just realised though, to make things even more complicated, it will be Bank Holiday weekend, so trains will be rammed!

OP posts:

beanlet · 26/02/2011 13:55

Actually tigerbear, the fact that it's a bank holiday would put me off, and we and DS are now well seasoned travellers - it can be awful if it's packed.

ragged · 26/02/2011 13:55

No choice, really. I could not have done it because I would have been too exhausted to do all that travel so soon after the birth. We have missed a lot of weddings because of having little babies in the house.

I would suggest going by train if you do decide to go, would be a lot easier than going by car, ime.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weddings

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 14:01

So, if we did decide to go by train, what's the absolute minimum amount of stuff we need to take? Presuming sling, car seat, clothes, etc, but what about something for it to sleep in? Not sure we'd be able to take a Moses basket too...

OP posts:

Rosa · 26/02/2011 14:03

DOn't plan - wait and see how you feel after the baby has been born then decide..well I would anyway !

beanlet · 26/02/2011 14:04

It can sleep on you - they're so tiny they easily fit full length across your lap!

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 14:06

Bean - I mean at night - we'd be staying at my Mum's most of the time, and at a hotel one night.

OP posts:

beanlet · 26/02/2011 14:09

Personally though we always take the big pram when travelling long distance by train. We have a Quinny Buzz - super for non-car-owning frequent-train travellers - and used the Dreami lay flat cot. That way you can put the baby things in the change bag or the shopping basket under the pram, and still have hands free

beanlet · 26/02/2011 14:10

Oh I see - the baby slept in the Dreami overnight at Granny's too - we found it to be a perfect travel system for our situation

Poppet45 · 26/02/2011 14:12

I'd definitely opt for train not car. Trains have an amazing sleep inducing effect on teeny tiny babies and they love being held all day. I also think that for safety reasons newborns can only stay in car seats for fairly short time periods - otherwise the slightly upright position can risk them compressing their own airways, not good. I'd go for a sling, moses basket - or actually maybe one of those bed nests instead that you can get where the LO sleeps in your bed but in their own special safe area, then clothes, lots of muslins, nappies, I really wouldn't bother with a car seat (if you use a taxi after the train, taxis are excempt from the car seat rule until your DC is three years old) and probably wouldn't bother with a pushchair either. There'll be more than enough people at the wedding willing to help you carry your DC.
That said I ended up with an emcs and a big bleed and a stay in a high dependency unit after an easy pregnancy and an initially very straight forward labour with DS and wasn't able to walk further than the end of our street for a good 2-3 weeks without getting hideously dizzy and gasping like a fish out of water, so wouldn't have made it to a wedding. Try for cheap tickets but be prepared for them to maybe go to waste.

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 14:13

Thanks Bean.

OP posts:

cybilliberty · 26/02/2011 14:14

I spent a day at Kew gardens 3 weeks after my second was born and it wiped me out completely. I think its too much for all of you

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 14:17

poppet I didn't know that about the taxis being exempt from car seats! Problem is, we would prob need anyone to use there anyway, as we'd be traveling in either my Mum, Dad or someone elses car at some point during the trip.

OP posts:

naturalbaby · 26/02/2011 14:22

i would plan not to. dc3 has just arrived and i've been up and about doing all sorts, housework, long walks etc but have still had to have a sit down/sleep every day to get through and have been very grouchy and moody if i don't. with ds1 there were loads of visitors and excitement and i felt great cause i had a natural homebirth, but then after a couple of weeks my bleeding flared up again cause i was going out and doing too much.

apart from that i wasn't comfortable with feeding in front of everyone and it takes a few weeks till you and baby are good enough at it for you to be able to do a quick clothing adjustment and sit where ever you want feeding baby without baby coughing and spluttering, belching, sicking up and generally fussing over the whole thing while you try to maintain your dignity! my baby is 4 weeks and there are still plenty of feeds where he gets totally frantic, gulps loads of air then belches all over the place.

ragged · 26/02/2011 14:42

Tiger, re sleeping arrangements: I might put the baby in a double bed with me and DH booted somewhere else (I know lots of people disapprove, but heck, it's only a few nights of your life). Or bring baby in a pram with a detachable carrycot baby can sleep in on the floor of hotel room.

If you go by rain, not sure how you deal with carseat needs, though! Can you borrow one?
If you go in taxis with baby but no carseat, I think the best tactic probably is put belt next to your body, with baby in a quality sling/front carrier outside the belt. I have done this sort of thing a handful of times.

SeatBelt over baby in a car is a crush risk.

But some people would think that was totally unacceptable, to let baby go in any car except in a proper carseat.

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 14:45

Natural I'm quite anxious at the thought of feeding anyway, so the thought of doing it for 3.5 hours on a train or even longer in the car is making me scared.

I've just told DH about all of the responses on this thread, and he's now seriously rethinking as to whether it would be a good idea or not, while before he was of the attitude that it would all be totally fine.

OP posts:

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 14:47

Ragged - perhaps we could borrow a car seat from someone while there, that would work.

OP posts:

Anonymousbird · 26/02/2011 14:54

My friend took her baby to a wedding where her DH was best man, 3 days after giving birth. However, she had an army of helpers on shifts to cover her/the baby/her two other DC, spent very little time at the wedding herself, only the "key" bits, and the GP's basically covered her for those..

You could quite easily be 2 weeks late, it is not uncommon. I know someone being induced today, 2 weeks late with her first...

Scaredycat3000 · 26/02/2011 16:55

I had a good pregnancy, an easy labour, no problems b/f, etc. I had pushed a baby out of my fanjo, I was bruised, I realised I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes for a little while after, maybe a week? I was fine for the first 24/36 hours, then the bruising kicked in. I wouldn't have wanted to be at any social event. You may feel very differently to me, but yes wait until the last minute I'd say.

Original poster

tigerbear · 26/02/2011 17:36

Wow anonymous your friend was brave - 3 days later is mental!

scaredy yes, I think we're now going to wait until very last minute to decide. I suppose there's no way of knowing how I'll feel after the birth.

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 26/02/2011 17:40

I didn't go to my brother's wedding, 8 hours away, because it was 3 weeks before DS was due. As it happened it was 5 days before he was born. My techy nephew set up a webcam though, and SIL totally understood (she has her own child though).

nancydrewfoundaclue · 26/02/2011 17:48

You just have to see how it goes.

It's your brothers wedding so presumably you are close enough to say you'd love to be there but there are some circumstances in which you just wont be able to make it.

Anonymous I though for a minute we shared a friend - a friend of mine took her 3 day old to a wedding where her DH was best man, but it was her first.

I took my DC2 to a wedding at 4 weeks. it was a 4 hour plane trip away, I wa bridesmaid and I had my 15mth old. I shall be moving overseas when DC4 is 11 days old. Most things are manageable, disasters aside

OP if sil had been a pita showing up with your gorgeous new born is going to be very hard to resist no?

Wigeon · 26/02/2011 17:52

I would say that it's less that you are not "allowed" to get a baby out of a car seat whilst driving (although that is true) and more that I absolutely wouldn't want to be hurtling along a motorway at 70mph with a babe in arms - if the driver had to break suddenly, the baby would fly out of your arms and would have a good chance of dying, or at least being seriously injured. So it's absolutely not a chance I would take.

Agree with others who say that driving with a BF newborn might well double the journey time. Partly why I suggested the train might be a better option, if you do end up going.

Book the hotel and wait and see!

crikeybadger · 26/02/2011 17:56

I went to DB's brother when DS was 11 days old (and with an 18 month old toddler in tow.)

It was fine - I just sat and fed the whole time (including in the church)

The car trip was probably only a couple of hours away though but it is possible to bfeed and still keep the baby in the car seat. It's a bit of a contortionist act, but deffo possible. There's a picture of it in the Dr Sears Breastfeeding book I think.

If you went on the train, could someone else take some bits up for you beforehand in their car- present, wedding clothes etc. Then it just leaves you and DH to carry the essentials.

Wigeon · 26/02/2011 17:57

Glad this thread has given your DH a wake-up call!

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