Would you take a 17 day old newborn to a wedding over 4 hours away?

[tigerbear]

Dilemma:

My brother is getting married at end of May - minimum of 4.5 hours away by train, approx 5 hours by car.

My first baby is due on 12th May.

DH and I don't drive, so it's a choice of having to get the train (with pram and all baby paraphernalia, so prob not realistic) or ask a member of my family to travel down to collect us and take us there and back.

Background info - bridezilla SIL has already said she doesn't want the baby there (wedding is in a hotel). First off, said she doesn't want baby on site at all (WTF!), then said it can only be there for certain parts of the day. Cue massive arguments between her and my brother, ending up with her own Mum telling her she was an idiot not to let it come. Upshot is that I think she's grudgingly said it can be there.

Bearing in mind that baby might not come in time to make the whole thing viable, however if she does come on time, would I be in any fit state to go?

Has anyone else taken a baby to a wedding so soon after, and what was it like?

Is it madness to even contemplate going?

I did it - we went to ex-Bil's wedding when DS1 was just under 2 weeks old (which was actually his due date!) and we had a 4+ hour journey, which was hell as it was August, roasting and we got stuck in a huge traffic jam so were quite late to the church. DS was bf as well so got v cranky en route. I was knackered and found everyone wanting to hold him exhausting mentally. Plus I felt as if the baby was stealing some of the limelight from the bride and groom, with all the fussing over him.

I can't even contemplate doing it by train, though, so if I were you I'd say no.

"I think we're now going to wait until very last minute to decide. I suppose there's no way of knowing how I'll feel after the birth"

I think that's very wise.

About where the baby will sleep - you may find that s/he ends up sleeping in with you - but even then you will need somewhere for the baby to sleep when you're not in bed IYSWIM.

You've got a few options.

• sling. (Slings are great, particularly wrap-around ones)

• Moses basket. We got a buggy that wasn't a travel system - that means it didn't have a car seat attachment. Instead it has a kind of detachable crib/moses basket thing for little babies. It doubled up as a moses basket (we never used the actual moses basket we were given). It made DS very portable when sleeping! The problem with the car seat bits in travel systems is that they aren't meant to be in them for too long - it's not good for their back I think. We got a separate car seat.

• Travel cot. Not one of those big rectangular thongs though (I'm not sure in which world they're travel cots. Certainly not for anyone using public transport!)

Instead I mean a light-weight pop-up one, such as one of these

We've got this one it's brilliant We use it whenever we stay away form home. Still using it with DS age 2. It's light and easy to transport

This one's cute - but only for DCs up to 18 months.

Here's a cheaper option but only for babies up to 6 months. also very cute

oops - here's the second link again hope it works this time!

I went to a wedding when I was a few weeks old - we lived in Leeds and wedding was in London. Not sure how we went down there but am quite impressed with my mum for just getting on with it. Was my dad's sister's wedding so they were very much wanting to go.

I seemed to have very little to wear when DS and DD were that old - that probably would have been one of my major worries .

Lois VERY good point about what to wear! Another worry if we go - I'm not likely to be up to major clothes shopping am I? It's full on black tie too - quite strict dress code!

Given that I'm likely to bleeding still, the thought of being trussed up in a long gown is not appealing!

If you're like me and put on loads of weight, you'll still be in your maternity wear

Tiger thanks for starting this thread, my brother's wedding is on august bank hol weekend, 10 days after my due date with my first too! I've very much been in the "I'm going to have to wait and see" camp with him, altho I will move hell and high water to be there if I can. You just don't know what's going to happen - I'm obviously positive that I'm going to have the perfect homebirth, LO will be bf in seconds, sleep at least 3 hour stretches, I'll feel wonderful, will drop a stone in weight to get into my dress, and all will be swimmingly awesome. (dont take my first timer optimism away from me emoticon)
Deep down, the spectre of a blue light rush to hospital, emcs, and likelihood I'm going to be a weeping bleeding mess are looming large with me and is basically telling me I'm not going. Live in hope, and listen to the fantastic advice being given here (thanks ladies, loads of things I'd not thought about!)
Let me know what you decide to do when you get to may time? :)

I would reserve a room at the hotel and have a default of "going" but warn your brother that you may pull out at the last minute depending on how the birth goes.

For what it's worth, my first arrived 3 weeks early and it would have been a breeze taking him to a wedding at 2 weeks old. Every birth and baby is different.

I would go by train with baby in sling. Take travel cot, muslins, nappies, wipes, lots of books and DVDs to keep you occupied while you feed along with clothes & toiletries.

Your SIL to be is probably worried about a baby screaming during the ceremony or speeches or at any time, plus taking attention from her (which it is bound to - as seen in replies above, everyone likes to fuss over tiny babies). You would have to take the baby outside during important bits if it is showing signs of getting fractious.

But then I'd go because I have a weakness for staying in hotels, I love it. And I'd enjoy the change of scene with the baby and sitting in a different room or garden, feeding or wandering or generally drifting around. And yes, I'd enjoy the opportunity to show the baby off. I took my second (with first and husband) to a wedding fairly early on and enjoyed every minute. He slept through the ceremony (even my singing...!) and we took it in turns to hold him and eat during the meal. The toddler was probably harder work!

As I said, every baby and birth and person is different, go if you feel up to it and pull out if you don't. And congratulations in advance :)

tigerbear Sorry for any confusion dd2 was born in NYC. I would have been in our apartment snuggling her at 5 days if my parents hadn't been there to have me as their unpaid tour-guide help out following her birth. As it happens we were on the Intrepid, at a Rangers hockey game, on an open top bus ride, at the top of the Empire State, at the zoo in Central Park... I am not sure that the resentment comes through in my post but I was not very pleased to be wandering around the Big Apple at 5 days postpartum.

There are so many variables to consider. My ds1 was 3 weeks early but as someone already pointed out, you are more likely to go over. You will be tired as the first six weeks seems to be a fog regardless of how difficult the labour and delivery part are.

I think that the rest of the advice here is far more sensible. The sane answer seems to be to decline the invitation...

Would your brother be upset?

Sorry... I see that you are also worried that your brother will be upset.

I would book a hotel, accept the invitation but be prepared to cancel.

Will you follow up after the wedding to let us know. Wishing you an easy labour and delivery.

Lots of advice here. All good for going or not going. It is a definitely wait and see situation though. If anything, make sure you get one sweet ass hotel room. That'll make the difference. I would suggest that, outside of travel basics, try to get the rest of the stuff when you get there. Less is more. Like 2 pairs of underpants, one to wash, one wear sort of idea. I would take the train though. The car journey will end up being longer as you cannot have your child on your lap BF while traveling. Baby legally must be in car seat. The train will be more relaxed; just you and DH and baby to pass between the two of you. No inane conversation and all that. And you can go and not actually go to the wedding either, or just go for dinner or for wedding breakfast or rehearsal dinner, whatever. I can appreciate not wanting to get dolled up just after giving birth but change of scenery and seeing your family will be good.

Sorry to come in so late in the conversation, but something that hasn't been mentioned is the possibility of expressing milk with a pump and bottle feeding in the car (if you'd rather go in the car.) We went to a wedding (albeit only around the corner from our house) when DD was only 1 week old. I'd had 72 hours of labour followed by emergency cs, then baby wasn't latching properly and had munched my nipples to the point of bleeding. So I looked and felt like crap. But because of trouble bf I had started expressing and doing bottles until I healed up and she had her tongue-tie sorted. I even took the pump to the wedding and expressed while I was there (not ideal, I know but I was desperate at this point!)

Anyway, too much info, but what I'm trying to say is:

1. If birth/feeding don't go well you will feel like rubbish, but you might still enjoy the distraction of being out with friends and family (I did!)
2. Breast pumps were a lifesaver for me (after 5 weeks of expressing and a course of antibiotics to heal me up, we got her back on and she's still breastfeeding now) and you can easily bottle feed a baby in a car seat.
3. Chances are that your experience will be better than mine and you'll be ok.

Anyway, like everyone has said, it is a wait and see situation. Also, just to say, I don't think the very occasional long stint in the car seat is going to be terrible for baby's back, it's just not recommended that you let them sleep in there all the time.

Good luck with it all.

JenniL - good luck to you too. I'll try to remember to come back to update after the birth, but head might be a foggy mess by then :)

Techno - we would def take tigerbaby out for the ceremony/speeches, as the thought of the wrath of SIL if ANYTHING is disturbed is not nice!

Cadmum I would have been in your situation too!

gotart and Ilike both interesting points regarding different ways to travel. Car would be good so we can take more stuff :) and hadn't thought of the expressing and bottle option instead, so we wouldn't have to stop so much on the way. However as gotart mentioned - inane conversation alert -my Mum's partner, as lovely as he is, can TALK!! He never stops, and is quite hyper -not sure I could stand it for over 5 hours :)

Thanks for all of the comments everyone.

I'd go but then I'm stroppy like that. Took DD to friends' wedding when she was 2 weeks old (she was a week late); I was BF's best woman. It was 4 hours away but we were able to stop overnight with my folks half way which made it easier and we have a car which makes a huge difference.
It also helped that we knew no-one there apart from the bride and groom (we'd introduced them) so apart from general interst and cooing at new baby nobody wanted a piece of her.

We had a fabulous time though; DD was wonderful (and stole the bride's show but she's very forgiving like that) an at 2 weeks DD had no routine really. She did however get really tired at about tea time so half way through the meal I took her out to the car and fed her and gave her some quiet. My wonderful DH brought pudding out to me too!!! We took her back in once she'd fallen asleep in hre car seat and ceilidhed the evening away. For a bit anyway. Till my insides felt as though they might fall out. Then we went back to the hotel and went to bed. It all worked fine.

The only near mishap was wearing a wrap dress (easy to feed) but feeding her standing up during the speeches. I forgot about the toast to the bridesmaid and everyone turned around to raise their glasses to me and I was standing at the back with DD latched onto one side and DH desperately trying to cover up the other boob with my half undone dress.

tigerbear, I've scanned the thread so probably repeating what everyone else has said.

DD was 3 weeks old when we went to DP's sister's wedding. We were lucky that is was in the same city as us, & in fact we even splashed out & took a taxi there (but that was because DP didn't want to get the tube in his kilt at 10am!).

It was absolutely fine taking her. I was breastfeeding & leaked over my dress... had to feed at the back of the church & all over the reception, including at dinner, DD went through 3 outfits... but it was really nice for her to meet all her family & for us to be there. She slept in her carseat at the side of the dancefloor until 1am (couldn't believe we stayed that long).

I didn't sort out a dress until that week, since I didn't know what size I would be, so that was a bit of a question mark until the last minute!

If I were you I would go on the train, no question, & a taxi at the other end. Would be a lovely peaceful journey with the baby on the boob & you dozing/reading, which I don't think a car journey would be.

Take a sling & see if the hotel have a travel cot.