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how do I find out if my DP has bugged my computer?

69 replies

rotool · 02/02/2011 04:03

Found out yesterday that DP of 9 years has been recording my incoming and out going telephone conversations by way of a radio transmitter conected to a tape recorder.
I am very upset ( hence awake at stupid O'clock ) as I have never given him any cause for concern and have never even looked at another man. He is very insecure and is very much in control, in fact I would say he is a control freak and a bit of a bully, not allowing me to join the gym " you might get your head turned" and wanting to know every detail of conversations I have with freinds/family etc. Long story.
Anyway now I have found out about the phone being taped things are starting to add up and I am wondering if he could have done the same to my lap top.

OP posts:
SofiaAmes · 02/02/2011 05:33

Sure. An old boss of mine put some software on his wife's computer that took screen shots every few secs so he could catch her online with her boyfriend. Take the computer to an expert and they can find it easily. And get a new dp.

LadyPumpington · 02/02/2011 05:46

Ya new dp = no paranoia

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 02/02/2011 11:16

Yes, he can and probably has. Does he know you know about the taping yet?

GypsyMoth · 02/02/2011 11:18

He can prob see these posts then....

MollysChambers · 02/02/2011 11:21

I have no idea. But he sounds absolutely vile.

Rotool's partner if you are reading this - you are a complete dick.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/02/2011 11:29

That is bloody scary. I don't know how you re able to look at him. I would be furious if it were my DH.
Like Mollyschambers, I've a message for retools tragicexcuseforaman parner. You are a tool.

rotool · 02/02/2011 13:34

yes he does know I know now, had a short telephone conversation with him, first he denied it and now he says he did it for security reasons and he doesn't want it to change our relationship.
I don't care if he is reading this.
I feel so sick, I am shaking, I don't want him to come home tonight.
Does anyone know who I can get to look at my computer?
Things are adding up in my head now about things he has said in the past and I had thought funny how he new, just silly things,conversations I have had with my sister etc....

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 02/02/2011 13:40

Please put this somewhere with more traffic. I am finding it very sinister. Please.

blondiemermaid · 02/02/2011 13:41

I know there's a thing u can put on your pc that copy's every keystroke that you enter iykwim so he could be monitoring you like that I can't remember the exact name for it though

piratecat · 02/02/2011 13:46

bloody hell op.

how did you find out he was doing this, has it been going on for years?

not allowed to join the gym?


rotool · 02/02/2011 13:55 do I put it somewhere else, could you do it for me?
I was looking for a mobile phone charger and found a box with a tape recorder inside with a black box wired to it and an ariel coming out of the top with a red flashing light on it. I just kept looking at it at first and then realised it must be doing something because of the red light. Pressed play and there were conversations as far back as October. I didn't find anymore tapes so I assume he it's just the one being used over and over. The more I think about it the worse I feel.I think he has something on my car too, maybe a GPS. He knows nothing about computers or anything like this so has to have had help.

OP posts:
blondiemermaid · 02/02/2011 14:16

Ah it's called a key logger it's a piece of software you would need someone to look at it to see if it's on there

ivykaty44 · 02/02/2011 14:19

its creepy to think someone you should love and trust is spying on you. I wouldn't like it at all and I don't know many that would. You have to weigh up whether you would ever trust him again with your privacy.

ivykaty44 · 02/02/2011 14:22
rotool · 02/02/2011 14:22

How can I ever trust him again. The equipment looks pretty high tech and I am wondering what else he has done and who he has got to help him.
I have never felt so confused, my head is splitting and I have to pick my DS's up from school and be a normal happy mummy, this is going to be very hard.

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 02/02/2011 14:23

Forget the bloody computer, get yourself bloody well outa there - run, run, run!!!

MollysChambers · 02/02/2011 14:25

Rotool - are you sure you're safe? I mean do you think he would physically hurt you? I hope you don't mind me asking, it's just that this is really disturbing behaviour.

starfishmummy · 02/02/2011 14:32

rootol - try to find a small independent computer shop (the sort where the geeks and nreds hang out) and see if they can help you.

RamblingRosa · 02/02/2011 14:37

What MollysChambers said. What you've described is really disturbing. Is he controlling in other ways?

I think I would be thinking about getting far far away rather than sticking around to find other bugs.

wannaBe · 02/02/2011 14:38

op - have a look


hat might give you some tips as to find what you're looking for.

However it does depend on whether your dh has installed a keylogger which will only track what you do and what you type, or a remote access tool which can be used to look at any computer use i.e. he could then read the entire thread as opposed to just your contributions on it iyswim.

Tbh what I would do is go to your local car phone warehouse, and buy a pay-as-you-go mobile with internet capability, so you can surf the internet undetected.

Alternatively you should go to your local library/internet cafe and spend some time on the computer there changing all your passwords for email/facebook/mn/whatever other websites you are a member of. Then either use payg phone or internet cafes for your internet use.

Obviously it shouldn't come to that but as it clearly has, this is what you need to do for now.

And then you need to think about where you go from here and how you can get out of this situation.

Your dh is kidding himself if he thinks this won't change your relationship. Clearly he is a control freak and insecure and you need to do something about that.

Do you have children?

MommyMayhem · 02/02/2011 14:44

Incidentally, how did you discover that he was bugging the telephones?

malinkey · 02/02/2011 14:51

Can you post this in Relationships? You might get more responses there.

This man is abusive and sounds rather scary. Please keep yourself safe.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 02/02/2011 14:56

Dump him fast!!!!!!!!!

MollysChambers · 02/02/2011 19:47


Hope you're okay OP.

MollysChambers · 02/02/2011 19:56


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