Wow. I am just coming back to this thread and am amazed by the vitriol that has been levelled at my post.
Firstly, I did not intend any offence and am truly sorry for upsetting people on this thread. It was totally unintentional.
To give a bit more background to the situation, DS was browsing through books some metres away from me, with his back to me (i.e. he couldn't see my reaction) and was quite close to the man when he started shouting. So what was my reaction? Only concern. Knowing DS I suspected that he would be frightened, but I sat quietly waiting to see what he did. As expected DS got scared and ran to me for comfort. And I comforted him, explaining that the man had an illness which sometimes made him shout. So to those of you who've imagined that I'm some sort of prejudiced, disability-hating bitch whose venom has rubbed off on her son...that simply is not the case.
I'll respond to your comments in turn:
PAGWATCH:
"Erm, my son will always wish to use the childrens library , even when he us 30 I expect.
He has learning difficulties. The clue us in the title. And he found War and Peace depressing..
Had my dd been crying and creating about a man shouting I would gave gently encouraged her to get a fucking grip."
Fair enough, it's quite likely that the man had been reading earlier, before I noticed him sitting down. FWIW if there were any adult in that part of the library who didn't seem to be with a child, it would strike me as odd, for the reasons I explained earlier - big library with lots of space, etc.
Re "get a fucking grip" - well, that might work for you and your kids but not for me and mine. Especially not for my then 3 year old child; IME taking that approach with a frightened child who's been alive for just 3 years is only going to amplify their terror. That is not what I'd call a brilliant way to help them see disability as normal.
GORIONINE:
Re use of Children's Library, see above.
MOUSEMA:
"If the child has the problem they should leave."
We did leave. And if the man hadn't already gone, and DS was still so upset, we'd have left first. We'd have left to help DS calm down, not as some kind of protest against the man being there.
CRUMBLETASTIC:
"And what if he had been there again, he has as much right to use the library as anyone. You should have been explaining what is was silly for him to get upset. It seems your prejudices have rubbed off on your child"
Firstly, crumble, nowhere did I say the man had no right to use the library. Please don't put words into my mouth. I said I was wondering why he was in the children's section. And on that point, please see my point to Pag.
Re your second sentence; again this comes down to parenting choices. I don't tell my child that his feelings are silly; I am vehemently against that way of bringing up a child. What I do do is comfort him when I deem it necessary, and help him to understand the situation that has upset him.
FANJO:
""I have to say that before he started shouting it was clear that the man had learning difficulties, so with that in mind I was glad that the children could see someone like him in their play area."
He's a man not a fecking learning project for children."
Well maybe this was badly worded, but the point I was trying to make was that I think it's a good thing for children to see people with as well as without disabilities. Is that offensive?
Reeling, thank you for your post.
I did say these things in my post, which appear to have been ignored:
"How awful to have that effect on people and not be able to do much about it." - is that the bit that made some of you think I was a prejudiced bitch? The fact that I was showing sympathy for the man's position?
After saying I was glad the children were seeing some with a disability: "It was such a shame, then, that his shouting became caused a disturbance" - i.e. DS's impressions of seeing this man with a disability was going to be heavily influenced by the last few minutes when he got scared, and that saddened me.
"I used the opportunity to explain to him that the man had an illness which made him get upset like that sometimes, and that everyone is different."
and
"It's such a tricky area, and I don't imagine there are any easy solutions, since there is such a wide range of types of disability and nobody can predict how a child will respond to what."
- in other words, it's a tricky area because a child can react badly to things you can't predict. As a parent you have to balance your responsibilities to comfort, help your child to manage their own fears, and teach them about the world around them. Nobody gets that balance right all the time. Knowing my son I'm sure that had the man not made so much noise but had had a noticeable physical disability, he would have been curious but not afraid. I've always taken care to talk with him about people in wheelchairs/ with other physical disabilities whenever it's come up in conversation, and he's never reacted negatively. But if comforting him because a lot of loud shouting made him scared makes me a bad person, then you may think what you like.