Screaming child next door......

[allouttalove]

I'm not sure what to do, have just had previous horrible neighbours move out. These neighbours seem lovely, although have only spoken on a few occasions... they have a one year old (not sure exactly how old) and every night about 7.30pm this child screams, I mean really screams.......it's very upsetting. Doesn't seem to upset my kids too much as it usually seems to start around the time I put them to bed. It usually lasts about 30mins or more sometimes. I can only imagine it is controlled crying. On the one occassion I have spoken to the mother she said it was "teething" and "sorry" about the crying. It has been going on for a few months. Am at the point of getting advice, but not sure what or where to get advice from. I live in a small town, so not easy, but this child just sounds so distressed, I don't know how any mother can hear their child scream like this.....any advice/experience in this greatfully received!!!

my dd2 will s-c-r-eam, SCREAM at bedtime for about 20 minutes. We will lie with her, guide her back to bed whilst she is shouting 'get off me...stop it...no...' etc etc.

She'll do the same at about midnight when she wakes up & gets into our bed. She wants milk which we don't give her and again S-C-R-eams.'

we live in upstairs flat & often worry that our downstairs neighbours must think we must be doing some terrible things to her.

Giddypickle sorry if i sounded arsey - was certainly not my intention.

I absolutely agree that CC is not a lifestyle choice, as i said my friend has had to do this for over a year and is tearing her hair out - i have every sympathy for her

all i meant was that i dont like the idea of leaving a baby to cry uncontrollably BUT i realise that some just have to do so.

thanks giddypickle FWIW i absolutely agree that a neighbour reporting a screaming baby to SS upset me too.

i have a non-screaming baby but my arsey neighbour STILL moaned at me when my LO was waking early in the summer, that pissed me off no end as she really should have counted her chickens that she didnt have my friend next door (who would have frankly told her to go fuck herself!) and regardless - babies cry, thats what they do

Actually if the neighbour knows you can hear the child, I'm not sure there is any more you can do.

I was mortified that our downstairs neighbour was hearing our kids running around - right on top of her bedroom!!!

We actually swapped bedrooms with the kids and also put down thick carpeting and put in more insulation between the floors. Seemed to solve the problem. As it was our kids causing the issue it really was up to us to sort it out - she didn't know there would be a herd of baby elephants on top of her when she bought the flat!

Have you tried talking to her about where the babies room is or whether geting some more insulation would help? I'm sure she doesn't want you overhearing everything they get up to any more than you want to hear it!!

I agree with the others who have been upset by this thread.

It doesn't upset me, it just makes me frustrated and a little bit uneasy to think of other people judging me for my screaming baby.

Trinity - apology noted but I don't think you have anything to apologise for - these threads need people to cite their differences in opinion, that's how people form and change their opinions, hopefully for the better

My brother screamed and screamed. My grandfather could hear him several houses down the road. He even gave himself corns on his vocal cords.

Turns out he had extremely bad glue ear and the screaming was the only way he could hear himself.

It took a good few years for that diagnosis though.

I found this thread googling 'toddler screaming in night', because I am being seriously disturbed by my neighbours, too.

In fact, I am here now because their daughter started screaming at 3.30am, and was left screaming til 4am, by which time I was wide awake. (So was my 10yo, by the way - but luckily he went back to sleep easily after a bit of a moan about 'that bl*y baby'!).

She screams a LOT more than my boys did; but what bothers me is not really her screaming, but the fact that she isn't comforted. I do find it hard to understand how parents can leave a child so distressed for so long. Mine got comfort when they cried.

I have spent a lot of time over the past couple of years worrying about whether I might be ignoring abuse that I should be reporting. Logically, I know it is not abuse; but when you have been listening to hard-core hysterical screaming coming through the wall for 20, 30, 40 minutes it becomes harder and harder to think logically. I'd quite like to go round there and give the child a cuddle myself, but of course that's impractical at 4am, and impossibly offensive.

It has helped a bit to be reminded that toddlers do scream a lot... But it does seem hard that I have to live through these kinds of sleepless nights again, and it's not even my kid! I'm at risk of becoming badly sleep-deprived, with a teen who's up til just before the neighbour's child starts screaming, and a 10yo who wakes up not long after she stops! :(

I worry about this

My son has the occasional 'White night' where he wakes up and cries/screams for an hour, despite being consoled, held, sung to or comforted

I can guarantee my neoghbours can hear him cry, but am also pretty sure they can't hEar me singing softly to him

To keep them from thinking I am feckless/a terrible mother who let's her child cry, should I be shouting 'THERE THERE, DON'T CRY' to keep them from calling social services?

flow4, it's possible that your neighbor's daughter has night terrors. My dd used to get them. They were awful.

Dd would wake up in the night screaming and shaking in terror, but no amount of holding and comforting would help her to stop screaming or be comforted. She didn't remember anything in the morning. I spent a lot of time researching night terrors on the internet (there are lots of mumsnet threads on this topic too) and it became clear that it didn't actually make a difference to dd whether I came into her room and comforted her or not. What did make a difference was making her environment during the day when she was awake calmer and less stressful. If I stayed up all night comforting her, then I was not in any shape the next day to make her world calm and serene. So sometimes, if I was just too exhausted (in some periods dd would get night terrors every night for weeks) I wouldn't get up. By the way, dd also gets nightmares which have completely different symptoms and can be (and therefore are) comforted. There is absolutely no comparison or similarity between nightmares and night terrors. Dd is now 8 and hasn't had a night terror for several years and rarely gets nightmares.

Your neighbor probably needs help relieving stress during the day. It might even be worth giving the mom some information on night terrors in case she doesn't know what the problem is.

SofiaAmes, I know night terrors are a possibility, though they are more common in the early part of the night. But my neighbours' child also cries like this during the day. As I say, what bothers me is that they don't go to her - or at least, not for a very, very long time. I can hear them when they do - though to be fair, chibi, you make a good point - I might not hear quiet comforting - certainly I almost never hear mum but I do hear dad, who has a much louder voice.

It's hard sharing walls - they will hear our family noises too!

It s worrying that people are talking about chi,children being 'left screaming'. My DD has night terrors and will scream as if being attacked for 30 mins in night, we can't stop her, although we are always trying, and she is unaware.

I hate to think the neigjbours are judging us, but clearly they are (flow4)

My DD also screams during day and it's sometimes better to let her get it out of her system rather than fussing too. Are you my neighbour?

Of course I'm judging - I'm human! I bet my neighbours also judge my family's noises, and I bet you'd judge too, if you heard some of my teen tales! But if you read my posts, you'll see I'm trying to understand, not just judge. I wouldn't be here trying to find out more, would I - I'd be banging on the walls or making phone calls.

And Fanjo, I think 'left screaming' is the right phrase here... She started screaming at about 3.30am. At 4am I heard a door and baby-gate opening, and dad's voice saying "What? Shush now", then the cot bars rattled as he picked her up, and she stopped. I just wish he'd done all of that at 3.31am!

Maybe they are trying to break the habit of screaming during night, it is very wearing you know, to say the least!

Or maybe they are heavy sleepers?

Anyway, if you call social services without at least speaking to the family, that would be appalling IMO, I really hope you don't.

Sounds like my new neighbours! But these children are 4&2 so not teething and it's at any time of day from 6am - 8pm. Screaming constantly- that high pitched "temper" scream that goes right through you - is different from crying. It sounds like the child is being tortured and can be heard several houses away as they have no insulation and allow the child to do what he likes in the garden.... That's our dilemma... Social Services or do nothing and worry about "what if ...?"

PS Have tried speaking to mum to no avail.

@SofiaAmes I was just going to suggest night terrors too. My friends' DD had them and the poor thing sounded like she was being murdered. Didn't help that their next-door neighbours sent shitty texts at 2am in the morning. Just stressed them out even more, when all they were trying to do was calm her down.

I would leave well along, mind your own business and maybe offer her some help/sympathy? Yes am sure it's annoying but it's just part of daily life with kids.

If you heard my toddler at bath time you'd think I was bathing her in acid. She screams it hurts it hurts when I wash her hair and I mean reaaaaaalllly screams! How I keep my cool I never know but I've learnt to block her out and just carry on with it! Maybe just approach her and ask if she needs any help or advice as you've noticed the screaming at the same time every night. If she has nothing to hide she may just open up to you and say oh yes I'm struggling with bed time, or it's bath time etc. X

Have tried all that too but the child is never (has never?) been disciplined. Running around in the garden at 6am in PJ's on a Sunday morning screaming begs loads more questions ... where are the parents? In bed? Asleep? How did he get into the garden? Why wasn't the door locked?etc. I've brought up boisterous boys so know how difficult they can be - just wait till hormones kick in! - but I feel for the child.... I'll do nothing as you suggest but it's very distressing when a bit of love and a few cuddles could help.