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Original poster

Screaming child next door......

101 replies

allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:18

I'm not sure what to do, have just had previous horrible neighbours move out. These neighbours seem lovely, although have only spoken on a few occasions... they have a one year old (not sure exactly how old) and every night about 7.30pm this child screams, I mean really screams.......it's very upsetting. Doesn't seem to upset my kids too much as it usually seems to start around the time I put them to bed. It usually lasts about 30mins or more sometimes. I can only imagine it is controlled crying. On the one occassion I have spoken to the mother she said it was "teething" and "sorry" about the crying. It has been going on for a few months. Am at the point of getting advice, but not sure what or where to get advice from. I live in a small town, so not easy, but this child just sounds so distressed, I don't know how any mother can hear their child scream like this.....any advice/experience in this greatfully received!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:40

My ds2 screamed with colic when much younger, for hours, I KNOW some babies cry, I just am suprised how how long and how ferocious it is, considering the age. Sorry if this thread has upset people who struggle with crying babies. I have honestly never heard such a awful, blood curdling cry. Am feeling reassured that this is considered "normal".....

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BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 30/11/2010 20:41

well given that I did CC with DS1 (not CIO - 2 totally different things) then yes I do think it's ok.

It might not be everyone's preferred way of doing things. But it worked for us, and it's worked for countless others too.

I had to do rapid return/cc with DS3 earlier this year to sort the sleep issues that occured after last year.

He screamed like I was doing something horrific to him the first night, and for a couple of nights after that. Now we have a kiss, a laugh and a joke, say our "nights" and "okays" and I leave him happy and content in bed. (he does still howl horrendously if he's having a tantrum though Blush).

DS1 after CC was like a totally different baby. It was like someone got up and switched him with a "normal" baby. It honestly saved my sanity - and it was only after that we started to bond - until then I couldn't find anything but detachment from that screaming baby Sad

TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 30/11/2010 20:42

3 out of three of mine screamed blue murder when being bathed (at differents ages) but it would never have lasted 30 mins. It just doesn;t take that long.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 30/11/2010 20:42

2 out of three..... doh

Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:42

Thanks Baroqin....how long did it take from the screaming to the more settled bedtime?

OP posts:
Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:44

Sometimes hte screaming can go on for a couple of hours
Bit less lately or they move him to another room, but never less than 30 mins full on screaming, I can hear him sobbing and gasping for breath kind of screaming...

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StarExpat · 30/11/2010 20:44

Trinity there were times when my DS would just cry and we'd be holding him, too. Teething for months, not wanting to go to sleep. One would have thought we were hurting him, but we weren't. We were cuddling him and trying to soothe him. It doesn't happen anymore (thank god), but some children do cry and it doesn't mean that the parent is harming them or neglecting them in any way! Hmm

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 30/11/2010 20:45

lucky you then Trinity Smile (I mean that in all seriousness having had a non stop screamer with nothing wrong with him.........he's now a hormonal 10yr old so I'm starting to get the strops at the other end of childhood - but I can cope with that as he doesn't do it all the time for no reason.

Sorry am going to hide the thread - not because of the CC talk - but because it's suddenly hit me again how awful it was not bonding with DS1 until he was so much older than DS2 and 3 were when I bonded with them. And the worst thing is - he was the only one that was exclusively breastfed yet I still couldn't bond with him because of the screaming Sad

StarExpat · 30/11/2010 20:46

sorry x a lot of posts, was responding to post at 20:30. Blush slow tonight

Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:48

Sorry Baroquin, I also had problems with my DS2 screaming for hours, and I totally understand the bonding thing Sad ....it just never sounded like this kind of screaming....

OP posts:
Owlingate · 30/11/2010 20:51

Oh am I your neighbour? DS2 is one and always screaming, whether I hold him, rock him, try and feed him or whatever if he is in a screamathon he can go on for a long time god bless him. I think 3 hours is my longest (past the age of 6 months, before that he went on longer but not as loud). I blame the reflux.

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2010 20:51

trinity, you are very lucky then!!!!

my eldest never really cried, unless he wanted something
my second did.for hours and hours on end. nothing we did made any difference. as he has got older it has improved
my third is 18 months and prone to the most godawful tantrums when he doesn't get his own way- again, we don't leave him, and we try and comfort him, but he is perfeectly capable of screaming for a long time

so stop being so fucking judgy and assuming this child is being mistreated. just because you don't have direct experience of something doesn't mean it's impossible. Hmm

and you can have one of these Biscuit as well.

am cross now

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2010 20:54

allouttalove... i would maybe talk to her again about it. just lightheartedly you know? "stressful bedtimes eh??" with a smile... let her open up if she wants to

you could also maybe say "oh, we did x,y or z when ours wouldn't settle very well" and see what she says

if she is doing CC which doesn't make sense to me because surely you go in at increments and re-settle? and you wouldn't be doing it for months on end? but if she is then she might say "yes, we're doing CC" and then you will know!

Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:57

thisisyesterday~ what are you on?? I simply asked what people would do. As it happens I do have experience of screaming sick children, I also have been involved in child protection and have also had a screaming child. I am NOT being judgey, to me......clearly wrongly it appears....I felt this child MIGHT be being mistreated, or the parents aren't coping.....I have never in my life heard a child scream like this for so long. Is it SO impossible to thing a child COULD be mistreated....blimey don't enough people ignore the signs??? What do abused children do??? NOT scream at any point? Blimey.

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fulltimeworkingmum · 30/11/2010 20:57

This may just be a screaming brat with perfectly nice parents who have never laid a finger on the little treasure and may not have a realistic grasp of routine or discipline. My neighbours had a child who screeched for hours every night and drove us up the wall. On gentle investigation, we discovered he had shared their bed EVERY NIGHT for the first 2 years of his life and they were now trying to get him into his own bed. If that is not making a rod for your own back, I do not know what is, not to mention seriously pissing off the neighbours. This couple are now divorcing...

Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:58

Crossed posts, thanks I will try and talk to her again.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 30/11/2010 20:58

sorry, have been re-reading the thread (one day i will learn to read properly first time and stop posting multiple replies!)

if you are truly concerned about how distressed this child is then you could call the NSPCC anonymously for advice.
or, if you happen to know the HV then I guess you could call and express your concerns.

but first really think about it. get someone else to listen to it to make sure your mind isn't working overtime and hearing "blood curdling screams" where someone else just hears a temper tantrum
you need to be certain that what you are saying is absolutely right

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2010 20:59

sorry, my first post was directed at trinity! apols for confusion

TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 30/11/2010 21:00

sorry

Ewe · 30/11/2010 21:02

My 2 and a half year old DD has just screamed for over two hours. Why? Because she wants to build a snowman and wanted to check the snow was still there.

The night before that she wanted Father Christmas to come.

The night before that she could see Tinkerbell out of her window and NEEDED to get her.

The night before that she needed a wee, then needed a pull up, then needed a wee, then needed a pull up x 10000.

Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 21:02

thanks thisisyesterday....Other people have heard it because you are right, I thought I might be feeling a bit overprotective as a mum, but others have agreed it is a bit "distressed" sounding to be normal. I thought I might ring the NSPCC and get annonymous advice. I have no problem with screaming children....at all, have worked in childrens hospitals. It just sounds.....so desperate..hence my concern

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Original poster
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 21:05

Ewe, yes I know about the snowman building scream, or the I wanna play outside in the dark scream....and even I've got Fucking chickenpox scream. I even know a scream of a very sick child Sad. I have heard the screams of a child in the throws of CC etc. This is different. I don't know why, it is scary screams.

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StarExpat · 30/11/2010 21:06

Well, that doesn't sound good, then. This wasn't apparent in your OP. Call and get some advice. Maybe say something about it gently to the neighbour as well as suggested by another poster

twenty5 · 30/11/2010 21:07

I personally think you're worrying too much. My DD is teething and screams in pain. Its absolutely horrid and toe-curling. Took her to docs etc who heard her scream said not much i can do but give painkillers. She also screams when going to bed and when getting her pjs on, if my neighbour then went to the authorities on the presumption of the worst, I would be mortified and deeply hurt.

Get some earplugs. Just put yourself in the mother's shoes for two secs.

Casmama · 30/11/2010 21:16

I think you are probably worrying too much as well. If it is at the same time every night then no doubt it is a bed time routine that is not working very well.
We had got into a bad habbit of settling my ds to sleep in our bed and after a month or so decided to man up and get him sleeping in his own bed. I gave him a bottle, cuddle and then put him in his cot. I sat beside the cot and lay him down everytime he stood up. He screamed like a banshee for about 50 minutes, not because he was in pain or scared but because he was fucking angry that he wasn't getting his own way. At times it was hysterical crying and it was difficult to listen to. However, I knew that there was nothing wrong as I was right there. I was lucky and the next night he went down with barely and issue.
You aren't there so you don't know what is making the child cry but I don't think you have grounds to phone the NSPCC. I agree with previous poster who suggested saying something sympathetic next time you see the mother and see if she opens up. It is probably really tough for her.