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Screaming child next door......

101 replies

allouttalove · 30/11/2010 20:18

I'm not sure what to do, have just had previous horrible neighbours move out. These neighbours seem lovely, although have only spoken on a few occasions... they have a one year old (not sure exactly how old) and every night about 7.30pm this child screams, I mean really screams.......it's very upsetting. Doesn't seem to upset my kids too much as it usually seems to start around the time I put them to bed. It usually lasts about 30mins or more sometimes. I can only imagine it is controlled crying. On the one occassion I have spoken to the mother she said it was "teething" and "sorry" about the crying. It has been going on for a few months. Am at the point of getting advice, but not sure what or where to get advice from. I live in a small town, so not easy, but this child just sounds so distressed, I don't know how any mother can hear their child scream like this.....any advice/experience in this greatfully received!!!

OP posts:
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 21:19

twenty5~ did your dd having teething pains every night? Do you talk to her when she screams having her Pjs put on? Mine screamed with teething and dressing etc too, but a neighbour might at least of heard me pacing up and down or reassuring talking, or just a "OK OK" kind of thing, but they wouldn't have heard doors shutting and silence, except from the screams, in between the sobs you would be able to hear an adult iyswim

OP posts:
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 21:21

Casmama, I know I went through the same thing with hysterical crying at bedtime sometimes....but it was never blood curdling and sobbing..

OP posts:
allouttalove · 30/11/2010 21:24

Thanks for all your posts everyone, I am slightly less worried but will still be chatting the NSPCC anonymously and seeing what their advice is. I don't think I am overreacting, but am concerned enough to seek advice.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

CommanderDrool · 30/11/2010 21:27

Dd3 is an absolute screamer and will howl for twenty mins before bedtime and in the middle of the night will scream and scream because she doesn't want uo sleep in her cot. This is while DP or I are holding her. Sometimes she screams while in bed with us because she doesn't want to lie down.

Dd2 let out a blood curdling scream last night and yelled repeatedly 'mummy, stop it I don't like it, you are hurting 'me.'

I was washing her hair.

Op can you talk to ghe mum?

Cathycat · 30/11/2010 21:32

Hi allaboutlove. I have had a screamer - one of my four and yes, it would be for ages. I would sit in his room with him and comfort him as he screamed himself to sleep. Even if he lay next to us in bed, he would scream. he has autism. But all the same I would do as you are doing and contact NSPCC or a HV for advice. The child and parent or both probably need support in whatever way so I would say you are doing the right thing.

expatinscotland · 30/11/2010 21:41

You're very lucky, Trinity. I had two non-screamers. The third one is the charm.

The other night, he screamed from about 12.30-4AM, even when I was holding him.

He's 2.

Oh, and teething lasts past the age of 1.

Mine just got his last molar.

allouttalove · 30/11/2010 22:19

Thanks Cathycat x

OP posts:
TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 01/12/2010 10:10

I would like to apologise to thisisyesterday and everyone else

I posted whilst drunk and I was being a twat, I'm sorry.

TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 01/12/2010 10:18

Bumping so hopefully everyone see.
I really am sorry.

I appeared to have had my judgey, twatty wanky pants on last night and I behaved appallingly, I'm sorry

KerryMumbles · 01/12/2010 10:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoonUnitAlpha · 01/12/2010 10:26

They are probably putting the child to bed, saying goodnight and shutting the door, and the kid screams until they fall asleep.

You might not like it, it might not be the way you choose to parent, but it's not abuse.

Geepers · 01/12/2010 10:27

I am thanking god that we live in a detached house. My babies scream a lot sometimes. Sometimes they are just exhausted and nothing will help unless they get themselves off to sleep. Holding them makes them cross and more awake, trying to feed them infuriates them. In fact, one is screaming now, in his cot, five feet away from me. Nothing i can do for him will help so he'll be left until he settles.

GiddyPickle · 01/12/2010 13:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RamblingRosa · 01/12/2010 13:45

OP - I'm watching with interest because your post could have been written by me. Except my neighbour's LO seems to be crying for most of the day and night. He's not screaming like he's being hurt, he's just crying. And we can hear that he's on his own in the room. We can hear the mother and grandmother downstairs doing other things (v thin walls) and occasionally suggesting that the other one should go and see to him but they never do.

When we do hear someone come in to the baby's room they just shout "what?! what?! why are you crying?!" at the baby who's only just over 12mo so obviously can't answer.

DP is all for calling NSPCC but I've been really reluctant.

No idea what the right thing to do is.

LadyViper · 01/12/2010 13:46

That might be bath time?

thisisyesterday · 01/12/2010 13:53

trinity apology accepted, thank you. we don't really know each other on here, but I did think when reading your replies that they seemed a bit out of character for you

Unwind · 01/12/2010 14:00

You might be my next door neighbour - it all fits, even the horrible previous occupants. My DD has always been a screamer, now she has separation anxiety - she wants to be held by me 24/7. This is not feasible if I am to get dressed, have a shower, prepare dinner, clean etc. She screams horribly at bedtime, sometimes for hours, because DH is putting her to bed and she wants me. If I am putting her to bed she screams because she wants DH too. She sounds extremely distressed, and she is, but it is really a temper tantrum.

It gets worse when she is over tired, and she screams no matter what we do. She sleeps in our bed every night, but unless we are both to go to bed with her at her bedtime, there seems no solution to the crazy screaming. If both of us are not there, one of us cuddling her at all times, she screams. She is such a light sleeper that it is impossible to get away without waking her.

What exactly would you have us do?

This thread has really upset me, that so many people are so mean minded that they assume abuse when a child cries a lot. I've been told that neglected babies and children who are taken into care almost always sleep through the night, and go down easily. They have learned that crying does not work.

On the other hand, the friend whose baby cried incessantly eventually realised that he he is profoundly disabled. Think a little before reporting your neighbours.

Unwind · 01/12/2010 14:03

someone linked to this from a similar thread recently:

Egg · 01/12/2010 14:09

Have not read all posts but honestly, if you lived next door to me you might really wonder about us. My children (esp 2yr old twins) scream a LOT. I do mean scream. DD currently screams when I ask her to do anything. They scream when they are told not to do something, they scream when they are told they can't have something (DS2 is currently screaming as he wants some juice).

I don't beat them or neglect them.

They also scream at each other constantly as none of them will share their toys nicely, they fight over nearly everything at the moment. They scream so much that we often do just ignore them as we know they are not hurt and are fed up of being screamed at.

We generally don't have them screaming at night thankfully, but sometimes one will get up at 3am and think it is time to start the day. If they are asked to go back to bed they may well let out a blood curdling scream.

TrinityMotherOfRhinos · 01/12/2010 15:52

yes out of character
drunk and angry
not a good combination
angry at myself

not sure what came over me tbh
I am sorry

I recognise your name and I like your posts

Rhian82 · 01/12/2010 15:59

I have a two-year-old and he can really scream when put down for a nap ? he needs it but doesn't want it, and will scream and scream and scream. We're there with him, we're cuddling him, we're reassuring him, but he still screams. He often cries "No Mummy no Mummy!" as well. Dread to think what the neighbours think.

Unwind · 01/12/2010 16:02

Trinity - don't be angry with yourself, I should not have clicked on this thread. You were just agreeing with the OP, that happens on a chat forum.

Summerbird73 · 01/12/2010 16:11

If my neighbour reported me to NSPCC (anonymously or otherwise) i would be absolutely stark raving fecking furious with her.

sorry i know you mean well but given that it is 30 mins same time every night it is obviously bathtime, sleep settling time, controlled crying etc. My friend has a screamer and she is fed up with it, but hey - she realises that this is life.

(FWIW i dont agree with CC but i do acknowledge that it works for some)

DooinMeCleanin · 01/12/2010 16:18

I'd just think myself lucky it is only 30 minutes. Nextdoors new baby screams all the time. And I do mean all the time. I think jhe has colcik or refulx or something. I feel so sorry for the poor girl. I'd offer to take the baby out for a walk to give her some peace, but she doesn't know me (new neighbour, moved just before baby was born around 6 months ago) so she'd probably think I wanted to steal her baby or something.

I had to laugh, one evening though when I heard "What the fuck do you mean you are going to the pub. Do you never read your fucking texts???? Your baby has been crying soldily for four fucking hours and you come in and tell me you are going to the pub???? Your'e having a laugh. I'm going to my mums for a break. Your baby needs feeding in an hour"

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 01/12/2010 16:19

I too am that neighbour, my dd is in reflux hell, add to this over alertness, over tiredness, teething and a temper only a girl could have... Et voila, I must be neglecting her!

I spend most of my day trying to prevent the outbursts, but still they come, its who she is, no amount of cajoling her will stop it when it happens

All my friends have mute babies, I even feel that sometimes they think something is not right, but seriously some of us do all we can, dedicate our lives to our kids, but they still scream, for goodness sake, be neighbourly before ringing ss etc, your playing with peoples lives