being an older mother

[Jasmo]

Cant decide whether I am angry or embarrassed or both. Youngest son aged 8 was reduced to tears when a shop assistant thought he was helping Grandma pack the shopping away in Aldi on Saturday. This was 6 weeks after his new class teacher also referred to me as his Grandma. I am 51, currently have a ruptured tendon in my ankle so I am limping and I am overweight.. not huge.I take care of my appearance, wear fashionable clothes and accessories and I really feel for the little mite as he gets so upset. Short of a face lift what can I do? Should I care? I also have 19 and 26 year olds.. What do other aged Mums do. Doesnt help that slightly younger husband has been mistaken for our daughters brother and boyfriend!!!!

No need to be either angry or embarrassed, and I'm not sure why your 8yo was reduced to tears, either?

(I'm 48, with DCs of 23 and 20, and DGS 15 mo, though.)

He doesnt like to be different from his friends and no one ever says their mums are their Grannies.. hope it doesnt happen to you or your child,

Oh poor you. I think I'd be both - dd arrived 2 months after our twentieth wedding anniversary, so I suppose I could have had the same comments. I haven't done so far, thank goodness. Did his teacher say it to your face? If she did I'd just correct her without making too big a thing of it, or when you see her refer to him being upset by it.

After all, it's not your fault if some other people have children while barely over the age of consent.

She said it to my son after I had dropped him off. When I said he was upset she said that it wasnt her fault as another member of staff told her that he was cared for by his grandparents!. As I have been taking my children to this school since 1988 I found this hard to believe.
I want youngest to have a positive relationship with everyone and be full of confidence so when he gets upset I just say that I am older than most mummies but that Daddy and I really love him and how lucky we are to have him as we never thought we would be fortunate enough to have another baby and then he came along.

It's his age, imo, not yours, that's the problem, not that it's a problem but er well.....Thing is this: he's just becoming aware of the differences in his family and other people's.

Plenty of children of this age turn focus on some difference or other and it embarrasses them. They're just figuring it all out. It could be the colour of your hair, whether or not you're a single parent, if you have a pet or not, your accent, your shoes, the car you drive.....some little brat sweetheart will have said 'you've got pet fish? that's weird' and before you know it a fish complex is in full play!

A bad example but I hope you get what I mean.

The class teacher sounds like a prize plum 'not her fault' ffs learn some diplomacy you twit and accept blame for your own mistakes.

In time, having much older siblings will make him Way Cool with his peers. Imagine if he's an uncle in a few years! I know a child who was an auntie at about 10 - she grew about an inch in pride that week, it was thought to be a v good grown up thing.

Thats fantastic,I was an auntie at 5 years myself and that was a real boasting point. I suppose it is his age but he is fine with being different in most things ie his favourite TV is Strictly and he reads Rainbow Magic books with those bloomin' fairies in them and couldn't care less that the lads in his class think it's a bit odd!
Got to think of a good riposte

Correct the ones who get it wrong; believe me they'll back off with ^oeuf sur leur visages^.

This happened to my balding DDH, rather than myself, but I felt for him.

As your DS gets, on he'll meet many more older mums,as my DD did. She's proud of both of us.

this happens to me all the time my chilren are now teenagers and we have a laugh about it btw I dont look old

I think you need to make light of it with your DS and make it into a joke.

FWIW my next door neighbour gets called his DD's Grandad all of the time... He is mid thirties but does have grey hair!

I expect I'll get it too with DC3 as I will be the same age as you when he is 8. In fact it might come sooner as I am growing out my blonde highlights and going grey

My mum was 40 when I was born. She was also a heavy smoker and didn't take care of her appearance. By the time I was in junior school those people who didn't know my mum assumed she was my grandmother. I felt utterly mortified.

I decided that any children I would have would appear before I was 30. How wrong I was. Nature conspired against me and DD was born three days after our 19th wedding anniversary when I was 41. I am now 52 and am not at all ashamed of my age.

There was another thread on here a few weeks ago about looking younger and from what I remember the main points were weight - not too thin or overweight, get a good haircut/colour, don't wear too much make-up, don't wear frumpy clothes, wear sunscreen on your face and above all don't smoke. I'm sure there were others, but I can't remember.

OP, by the time I was 8, my mum was also exactly 51. My dad was 61. And I always got told in school that my grandad was here to pick me up .

At the time, it was a little embarrassing - but not because of the age factor, just because I was different and felt self conscious.

I grew out of it though, and now have a fab relationship with my parents. Older parents are ace IMO. They're not terrified, over-anxious, over-parenting wrecks

Also! I forgot to add, by the time I was in my late teens/early twenties, it became kind of cool to have neices and nephews and to be an aunty, and have a gaggle of kids look up to me with such utter admiration, and my friends were abit jealous I think, because I had such an interesting and lively family wheras they had boring (and rather inflexible) middle aged parents as opposed to aging hippies like mine, that had been there and done that and seen it all and were shocked by nothing