Ask a 97 year old Mumsnet fan

[Pebbles16]

My 97 year old great aunt is a fan of Mumsnet and has asked me to post. Warning: she will likely be in bed by 9.30
Me: should we do this in the am?
GA: No, if people ask ?s overnight, it will give us something to do...

Hey ho
So, some background to my GA: she was born in Shanghai; was interned in WW2; lived in the Far East until 1970 when she was widowed. Moved to the UK and HAS NEVER adjusted to the weather; this summer is the only time she's mentioned "it's a bit warm".
She has learned multiple languages over the years.
Did not have children (likely as a result of the prison camp conditions).
Spent most of her life advocating for children affected by war.
Cheats at most board games.
Mocks my tolerance to chillies.

So, ask us anything!

Such an interesting thread @Pebbles16 thank you to you GA.

@Imdunfer
My new question may have been asked already, is there anything she hasn't done and can't now do that she regrets not having done?

"We have talked about all the obvious answers like bungee jumping and wing walking, you mad girl have done these and I have no desire.
"I would love to have done a back flip though, you know when gymnasts just make it look so easy. Or run fast, really fast. Being athletic wasn't really something we did."

OP: I haven't ever done a bungee jump - i like my retinas intact thank you. I have done a wing walk and a sky dive though. I would also like to do a back flip, sadly I think that may be beyond my aged bones' capability!

This. Great thread op. Loving it.

A wing walk, brilliant! I don't know how you even start to get to do one of those.

This is such an interesting thread. Thank you both of you!

Well when I get past the giddy eyes... I kid you not.
Mentioned upthread how they met.
They married at Chelsea Town Hall. Guests: my Great great grandmother, my grandmother (matron of honour), her husband and two eldest children; Ben's mother, his best friend (best man) and his wife. GA wore GM's suit because she didn't have enough coupons and envied this suit. There were four photos taken (bride and groom, wedding party, cutting of the cake and a confetti shot). The cake was half Victoria Sponge and half cardboard!
OP "What did you love about Ben?"
GA.... several minutes later... several minutes later with a beatific smile. "He was kind, he was brave, he was beautiful"
Now, as OP, I will add that he was very attractive and had the bluest eyes (like Cillian Murphy type blue)
And boiling down how she felt with him: "safe, special and brave".

Safe, special and brave is so lovely.

What is one book GA thinks everyone should read?

@Sharpkat Sorry times are tough for your mum. GA also loves a phrase from "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel"

Everything will be all right in the end... if it's not all right then it's not yet the end.

Rebecca because it is "delicious"
1984 because it is "becoming our reality"
The Handmaid's Tale because "it is our reality, somewhere"

"Mathematics was never my strong suit"

OP edited for appalling spelling

Thank you GA 😀 I have Rebecca already on my TBR, and finished what I was reading earlier, so will start that when I go to bed in a minute!

GA fundamentally does not agree that "we are living in the best time for women" but is not sure that there is one. Yes, we have more rights and can "intellectually" achieve as much as men. But the "pressure is unbearable". However, her biggest issue is violence against women and girls.
"And the world is still controlled by 'all the big men' and they are eroding those hard fought rights. The US is going backwards. Look at the Met and all their wife beaters, rapists and voyeurs..."
At this point we need to take pause because GA can get very specific. One of her biggest modern day heroes is Jamie Klingler.

With the tech question, I specifically remember in 1994 and being shown how www was the future. Told GA about it and her response was "well that makes a lot of sense". 24 year old me was like "WTAF, this makes no sense, what on earth..." she was right.

We may have mentioned before her smartphone response.

Thank you for this thread and all the valuable wisdom ❤️
My teen and I have been reading and thinking of, and missing, my departed mum (would have been 92) who was also wise. She was also driven to dive in and improve the situation for children in challenging situations. Please pass on our thanks and admiration to GA.

Could you tell GA that I understand why she wandered from the question. I asked her about grief and she went to a place in her understanding. I don't think I could talk to my loved ones who I have lost as I don't believe they are here anymore, it's too painful. Maybe I find it hard to process it because I was never taught how to.

My Grandfather was a POW in Osaka during WW2 for many years and two of my other Grandparents survived the concentration camps of Nazi Germany. They could never talk about what happened to them, they were too traumatised. As a result I don't think my parents learned how to process emotions in a way I see other families do. It's always a case of find a way to cope and get on with it. That's worked up to this point but it's not working anymore.

I wonder how GA manages to talk about her experiences whereas my Grandparents and many others couldn't?

This is a great post and makes me think about my dad, who is rubbish at emotions, and his dad was in Burna, amd never spoke about it but dad remembers him screaming in the night when dad was a small boy. Emotions are not something we do as a family, and I now do wonder if it is passed on. Get on with it is very much the mantra. Thank you.

Yes and even big emotions that are good! I remember telling my family that I was pregnant with the first grandchild and DF (both his parents were in concentration camps) immediately stood up, left the table and started washing dishes. It took him about 10 minutes before he could process his emotions, it was mad.

I find this aspect very difficult now that I have children and have to help them navigate their emotions. I know that I don't want them to be like us but I don't know how to do it myself...

Yes, but you're trying to break the cycle, and that is brilliant. I do find huggy, emotionally open families fascinating, in an alien kind of way!

She didn't know JG (Jim) Ballard in Longhua by any chance?

This is a very interesting thread, particularly as I went to the funeral of a family friend this week with a similar background (though younger). It sounds as though she had to be entirely self reliant from very early on. Did she ever slightly envy those with big, close families that they could rely on?

@Beaconsfire I "know" the answer to this one because it has been asked before. She doesn't think so but probably came across him as they were around the same age.
Interestingly, she never encouraged me to read or see Empire of the Sun.

Absolutely delightful thread, thank you OP and GA.

If GA could wave a magic wand and make everyone understand one thing (especially those with power), what would it be?

If GA were to stand to be PM what would be in her manifesto?

I'm very late to this thread, but @Pebbles16 and GA: thank you for the AMA. It's been informative, fascinating, and uplifting all at the same time! I hope GA is doing well.

@Coldcoffeekindamorning @murasaki Thanks also for your reflections on emotion and family trauma. I've also always wondered about the "emotionlessness" of our family, but perhaps it also stems from war trauma (my Dad and his entire family also managed to live through Japanese occupation during the war, although not everyone survived, and the children were especially damaged by starvation and illness, as children usually are). It seems that my family's refuge was in religion, after the war, but I can't say that it seemed to do much good for them. Or us (the next generation). But, it was what it was.

No one ever wanted to talk about their war experiences in full (although I did manage to piece things together over the decades). I still don't have the whole story, but they are all gone now, so am carrying on with my own research as I am able.

It's been helpful to read GA's experiences, thank you.

GA has lived through many traumatic years.
Her experiences did not make her introverted and centred on her awful memories.

Does she have an opinion on or advice for modern day people who endlessly suffer from mental health crisis because everyday life is by them deemed too difficult?

Exaggerating everyday slights and problems even though nothing much has happened to them.

How does she think todays younger adult generation would react if thrown into her past circumstances?

What an absolute breath of fresh air this thread is. Thank you both, for taking the time.