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AMA

Ask a 97 year old Mumsnet fan

146 replies

Pebbles16 · 18/08/2026 20:17

My 97 year old great aunt is a fan of Mumsnet and has asked me to post. Warning: she will likely be in bed by 9.30
Me: should we do this in the am?
GA: No, if people ask ?s overnight, it will give us something to do...

Hey ho
So, some background to my GA: she was born in Shanghai; was interned in WW2; lived in the Far East until 1970 when she was widowed. Moved to the UK and HAS NEVER adjusted to the weather; this summer is the only time she's mentioned "it's a bit warm".
She has learned multiple languages over the years.
Did not have children (likely as a result of the prison camp conditions).
Spent most of her life advocating for children affected by war.
Cheats at most board games.
Mocks my tolerance to chillies.

So, ask us anything!

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 19/08/2026 16:55

MargoLivebetter · 19/08/2026 13:59

What a wonderful thread. Thank you @Pebbles16 and thank you to your GA for sharing some bits of her life with us.

My question would be what technological leap was the most awesome / startling / wow moment for her?

Smart phones. All that computer power in my pocket. And I can ask it any question and it gives me the answer. Pebbles gave me my first smart phone and I seem to remember I was on it solidly for about three days.

(This is true)

OP posts:
speedtalker · 19/08/2026 16:59

My history teacher said that often you look back at history and wonder what has actually improved. And she said ‘women’s rights- we are living in the best time for women’. Does your aunt agree? How does she reflect on a woman’s lot throughout her lifetime?

And, what were the major points in her life when she felt she was part of a shift in technology? So, for me, it was starting uni and being given an email login, for example.

thanks for doing this!

Pebbles16 · 19/08/2026 17:02

TheOtterly · 18/08/2026 21:51

She obviously has an excellent brain but how is her health?
I'm really interested in the internment camps. Has she ever written about her experience?

OP here. Yes, she has written about her experiences (not published).
I think we answered the health question earlier.

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 19/08/2026 17:04

leavesinthebreeze · 19/08/2026 15:59

I’ve read the thread so apologies if I have missed it but did your GA keep diaries? Would she be agreeable to publishing them? Or recording some of her stories?
She sounds amazing. My Grandma lived to 98 and never had dc (she is technically my step grandma) and she was so independent and wonderful and lead such an amazing life. Not long before she died I asked her about her biggest regret in life and she said dying a virgin ☹️

Edited

OP here. Yes she has kept diaries. They are not allowed to be read until a year after she dies.

OP posts:
Pebbles16 · 19/08/2026 17:07

Recklessismymiddlename · 19/08/2026 15:07

A bit of a random one & I apologise if a painful one; if AGA ever watched Tenko and if she did, did it accurately portray internment?

And @Megsdaughter
OP here. Yes, we watched it together and it was the first time she told me what happened to her. She said it was believable but her camps were urban so somewhat different; she certainly recognised some of the character-types though.

OP posts:
Recklessismymiddlename · 19/08/2026 17:34

Thank you.

JenRummy · 19/08/2026 18:53

Pebbles16 · 19/08/2026 14:41

Oooh, she likes this one and we were chatting about the answers at lunch.

  • What would she tell her younger self if she could?
Don't start smoking, it will do you no good and will be very hard to give up.
  • What were the happiest and saddest times of her life?
The happiest time was being with Ben (her husband) and so the saddest time was when he died. OP: her face lights up at any mention of her husband, sadly I never met him.
  • What does she consider important in life?
Fighting for justice - the big things and the small.
  • Does she feel 97?
Not unless I look in the mirror!
  • Is she at peace with dying and what are her beliefs about an afterlife?
I am not religious but have been influenced by Buddhism throughout my life, so I am at peace with whatever happens next.
  • What advice would she give younger people?
Be involved. Be involved with society, your neighbourhood, your friends and family. Look for opportunities to make a positive difference and don't just expect other people to do anything you wouldn't do. Oh, and don't start smoking.
  • Tell us some memories about when she did something audacious, something brave, and something she was proud of.
My mother always used to call me audacious! Usually when I refused to do something like go to Sunday School. The bravest action was going back to Asia after my husband died. I risked my relationship with my family because they were dead set on me staying in England and said they wouldn't speak to me again. I didn't go back there to live, I just needed to be somewhere familiar. Obviously they did speak to me again, but I didn't know that at the time. I don't really do pride but I am pleased with the work I have done to help children who have been affected by war. I would love to still be doing it, but my "hopping on a plane" days are behind me.
  • If she could be reincarnated, would she want to be?
Yes, ideally as a cat as they seem to have a lovely time.
  • What are the biggest differences between the world she grew up in to now?
I think formality and social position. Ambition was seen as a negative: people getting above their station and so on. Now it is encouraged, and that's a good thing - well apart from people with absolutely no talent wanting to be famous. That sort of ambition should not be encouraged.
  • Who does she admire?
I think Malala Yousafzai is a wonderful young woman.
  • Who was the love of her life?
My husband.
  • What’s her life motto?
They have changed over the years but I usually return to "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem"

@Pebbles16 please thank your Great Aunt. These responses are wonderful and so insightful. Hoping you’ll be allowed to maybe publish her diaries one day.

What a bright, good humoured interesting lady. Absolutely no judgement just admiration. Well behaved women they say rarely make history after all.

Don’t want to hog her time but just if she would like to would love to know:

  • What age did she start smoking and when/how did she give up?
  • It would be lovely to know more about her dear Husband Ben. How did they meet? What was he like? What did she love about him and what drove her nuts? What are her fondest memories? What would she do or say to him if she could have 10 more minutes together?
  • Love that she said fighting for justice is so important. ⚖️ It’s clear she dedicated much of her life to that noble cause, and it’s usually only those who experience injustice that can properly understand the consequences of not doing it. It would be wonderful to hear more about her work with children, what she remembers, did and learned.
  • Love the advice to younger people includes give your life meaning and be of service, your GA sounds such a great person.
  • Being a cat is a great shout! Also interesting not to feel age unless mirror 🪞 about. I think it was Oscar Wilde who quipped the thing about age was not feeling old but feeling so young.
  • I haven’t heard of that person she admires so going to find out more. Bhuddism is a great way of life, be great to know how that has helped her navigate difficult times. It’s quite special too to be so accepting and at peace with dying. Read once we all know we’ll die but the important thing is to live first.
  • Absolutely love that she was called audacious by her Mum. Having that spirit has clearly made a difference to her life and others. Gosh, going back to Asia too was a really brave decision but can completely understand wanting to get that sense of familiarity. The world has changed so much like she said and so interesting to hear her views.
  • I just wondered too if she might be up for recording a podcast? We lose so much valuable history and someone as eloquent as your Great Aunt could teach us so much?
  • Also wondering what her Mum and Dad were like, and out of all the people she’s loved and met, as well as her husband who have been the people that have impacted her life the most and in what way?

Thanks so much and please thank your Aunt for making my day 🫶🏻

leavesinthebreeze · 19/08/2026 18:59

Yes I would love to know more about her husband Ben too!

Aww hope AGA feels the love from MN. ❤️

ThesophisticatedJY · 19/08/2026 19:43

This is the best thread I have ever read on here , thank you xxx

leavesinthebreeze · 19/08/2026 19:45

ThesophisticatedJY · 19/08/2026 19:43

This is the best thread I have ever read on here , thank you xxx

💯

Cherryblossomcottage · 19/08/2026 20:16

Such a lovely thread. Would she share her favourite recipe with us?

Imdunfer · 19/08/2026 20:23

Pebbles16 · 18/08/2026 22:13

Her health is okay.
I am allowed to post on her behalf, particularly about this subject as she finds it very upsetting.
GAs mental health is better than most. Despite all her trauma she seems to have an immense capacity to just "get on".

Mentally much better than physically due to the deprivations of camp. She was likely infertile as a result of malnutrition. She also had her hip smashed as a punishment. She is the proud possessor of "three new hips".

She has diaries but we are not allowed to look at them until one year after she dies "in case we might judge her".

She has diaries but we are not allowed to look at them until one year after she dies "in case we might judge her".

Lords almighty please tell her nobody with any reasonable level of intelligence would judge her for anything that she did to stay alive or anything she did to make life feel better after the trauma she went through!

My new question may have been asked already, is there anything she hasn't done and can't now do that she regrets not having done?

ChaToilLeam · 19/08/2026 21:24

I would love to know what GA thinks the most important life skills are - especially for women.

Big love to GA! ♥️

Agapornis · Yesterday 11:18

Did she keep in touch with the friends she made in Tjideng?
Does she feel the Japanese concentration camps are commemorated 'enough' in the UK? E.g. in the Netherlands there is a national monument and an annual event (I'm from there though not part Indo).

I know some young women had a terrible time so I can imagine she wouldn't want you to read about that yet. Well done to her on feeling able to write about it.

Coldcoffeekindamorning · Yesterday 14:10

Love this thread! Can I ask how she coped losing so many loved ones? I have lost 6 people in the last 3 years and I am not doing very well at keeping it together. I need some GA wisdom!

MagicAlixk · Yesterday 14:16

What was her profession?

What's her signature scent?

Dryshampoofordays · Yesterday 14:18

Ask her to tell us her favourite memories of Ben, how they met, their wedding day, what she loved about him, how she felt my when she was with him?

Sharpkat · Yesterday 14:32

I have just sent this thread to my 70 year old mum who is having a tough time. It truly warms the cockles. Much love to GA

ApocalypseNowt · Yesterday 14:52

I love this AMA!!

Who is her all time celebrity crush?

Favourite film? Favourite song?

leavesinthebreeze · Yesterday 16:55

What was her wedding dress like?

Pebbles16 · Today 19:02

Hello lovely people. Sorry to be MIA but I've had to come back home and to the whole work thing.
To answer some more Qs - in my words but from GA. These are the "easy" Qs but there will be more on the harder/longer ones...

@LadyGardenersQuestionTime I am not asking GA about her sex life! However, she will say that she had a very happy marriage and there has only ever been one man in her life.

@FullOfNoises Yes to Banh mi. But you can't get a decent one outside of London in the UK (in her opinion)

@TheBewleySisters Enjoys music and is looking forward to Miles Davis tonight at the Proms (BBC4 in case anyone is interested). Her favourite album is Bridge Over Troubled Water. We happily dance to anything by Abba and Glenn Miller... and Shake It Off by Taylor Swift (have no idea how that got into the boogie cannon!).

@Cherryblossomcottage - her favourite recipe, she would have to kill you! But she says this is a very good recipe - it is, and how I make my spring rolls https://www.cooking-therapy.com/vietnamese-spring-rolls/

@ChaToilLeam Biggest life skills - money management. Even in 1970 when she came back to the UK she was treated with absolute disdain and suspicion by "people in the bank". Learning how to cook/be resourceful with ingredients - if a recipe requires paprika but you only have cinnamon then just trust your taste buds. (GA was actually taught to cook in Hong Kong in her 20s because she was entirely bored being an accessory to her husband's job and only being served food).

@MagicAlixk She laughs when considering "a profession". She was a professional diplomat wife for 20 years - more of later. Then she was a stenographer/translator and, in the mean time, became a charity worker helping children who had been affected by war. As OP I remember her charity work the most, she used to get on planes to all over to speak to children who had been child soldiers, had parents who had been "disappeared" etc...she is truly inspirational which is why I suggested we did this post.
I asked her "signature scent" - her response: "well for most of my life, probably sweat... but then I discovered Jean Patou's Joy and it was heaven". She now smells kind of cinnamon biscuits for reasons that neither of us understand

@ApocalypseNowt celebrity crush: William Holden; favourite film: Soul (the Disney film); favourite song: Sound of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel.

@leavesinthebreeze a very smart lilac suit. It was post-war so wedding dresses were not really a thing. GA's words: "I coveted your Grandma's suit, it was the nicest colour I'd ever seen. We traipsed round Derry and Thoms but I had hardly any coupons because I' only been in England for 5 minutes so I was a bit sulky. Not my finest hour and then Grandma asked if I liked anything of hers and I asked if I could borrow her suit".

Traditional Fresh Vietnamese Spring Rolls (Goi Cuon) - Cooking Therapy

An authentic, easy recipe for refreshing Vietnamese spring rolls or goi cuon. Included is a step-by-step guide on how to properly roll spring rolls.

https://www.cooking-therapy.com/vietnamese-spring-rolls/

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