Ask me anything about being a stay at home mother

[Howyoudoings]

I am 43 years old and a stay at home mother (SAHM), which seems to be a popular topic on this platform. My children are aged between 20 and 9. I have worked in the past, and for the last 8 years, I worked one day per week. I was made redundant 2 years ago and am not planning to go back to work, though I could because the business is under new ownership and the owner is a friend.

Do you get bored ? I recently retired and the days sometimes drag. I imagine being at home all day is similar

Do you still class yourself as a stay at home mum for a reason reason related to the children, ie additional needs, or is it the term feels better for you than say house wife ?

No the day goes surprisingly quick , I think we all get use to how much free time we have.
I have never been bored and thought I wish I was at work.

How can you afford to live on one income, are you not concerned about having a pension?

I do use the term house wife some times too , just go between the two because I’m both a mom and wife .

Does your husband/partner expect you to do all the household chores, including things that need doing when he's at home in the evenings or at weekends such as cooking and clearing up after meals etc?

We live in the midlands so house prices are not crazy . So I guess that helps I do have savings and my husband works

If your husband announced he was divorcing you tomorrow, would go back to work?
Does being financially reliant on him worry you?

I think all women who have kids are mothers though. Just I guess for me, if the kids are at school I don’t see that as a stay at home mum , although technically you are both a mother and you stay home. Just interesting how people define themselves.

how do you feel spending the money your husband earns, do you feel doing the domestic chores it’s recompense? Do you not wish financial independence?

Why didn't you get a job when your youngest kid started school?

If my husband left me , ( which I don’t think he plans to 🤣 ) I would be fine he has always paid all the bills and I did work when younger ( been together since 18) . So I have quite a bit of savings enough . So I had to I would but hopefully not

Do you feel like you’re judged for being a SAHM? (I ask because Mumsnet seems very judgy about it).

I’m glad spmeone did an ama on this, people are generally very defensive over it and I find it such a curious thing.

How does your life work.
What do you do all day, do you have female friends who work, do you go out with them, socialise, buy clothes, have fun, or do you just stay home and do family stuff only , how big is your world?

do you ever feel you’re missing out, do you have a pension,can you spend freely,

im 57 and retiring soon, I can’t wait, but have had a successful career, have a large private pension and my own savings. I’m completely financially independent thank fully and self sufficient, as much as I love my husband and he would support me, equality is important to me, as is retaining the cleaner as I’ve no desire to do it.

Did you always want to be where you are today?

Were you raised in a home with a similar set up?

How many children do you have?

What is your highest academic qualification?

I think people can be really opinionated on things that don’t affect them . But I couldn’t care less if I’m honest. I find it more 50/50 I also come a cross a lot of people that would love not to work .

I did always think ,when I had kids I wouldn’t work . My mom had part time jobs every now and again that would fit around school . I have a degree . We have 3 children

Does your husband pay into a pension in your name?

Did you deliberately marry a man that would be able to enable you not to work?

Yes , I will have a full pension .

I have no issue spending what my husband earns nether does he . I also have my own savings . My husband cooks on weekends and when he is on annual leave . He does not think it’s women work and does clean etc ( occasionally) as it’s already done . He does do the garden odd jobs bins etc .

No we was both young when we meet , and I was working .

school run , home breakfast , bake bread , tidy up , then depends really go for lunch , library, read in the garden, gym , most my friends do work but not all mon - Fri so will often meet for lunch . The day goes quick before school pick up . I don’t feel like I’m missing out, I go on weekends away with friends every now and again , nights out now and again. My husband is more the capable of looking after are children . I spend freely as in I don’t have to ask .

Who does all the cleaning, and the laundry then if you just tidy up? Do you have someone to come in and do it?

So you think it is unfair on dh?