I WENT to boarding school. AMA

[imadethisaccount]

I'm sure a lot of people saw the AMA post recently from the mum who sends her kids to boarding school. I read through the comments and I see a lot of people wanted to hear the perspective of somebody who went to boarding school.

I am 28, I went to boarding school. Weekly boarding. I went home every weekend, every half term and every school holiday. I started boarding school at 11. I left when I was 18. So my situation feels very similar to what that lady was describing in her post. But I'm here to answer questions as somebody who actually attended boarding school!

I haven’t seen the other thread, but thanks for starting this - ever since I read Enid Blyton (half a century ago!) I’ve wondered what it was like.
So - Were you far away from your family?
If you have siblings, were they with you / boarding elsewhere / at home? how did you feel about that?
Did you miss your parents & grandparents?

My DH and a lot of his friends weekly boarded from 13 and he’d say it didn’t do him any harm (he’s not the most introspective) but I don’t disagree. Having parented three pre-teens/ teens though who’ve grown into very social young adults, I can see they often needed time, especially 11-16 age range to decompress socially. I mean to do things like randomly burst into tears or have a tantrum over nothing much or be more childlike than usual or just to be by themselves.
I just wonder if you found - or think any of your peers did- it hard to be socially ‘on’ and public facing all week and to effectively be responsible for your own emotions Monday to Friday? Hope that makes sense?

Would you send your own children to boarding school?

Don't you feel your experience will be very different from a child who did not go home every weekend?

I went to one when I was 10 for four years and at the time I would've said it was fine but only now in my 50s I realise what an absolute shit show it was
If you can't have kids living with you - don't have kids

I went to boarding school as well,however I’m almost forty years older than you so I suspect my experience will be slightly different to yours.

And of course kids will tell you it's okay. It's only when they become parents themselves they realise what proper parenting is.

Did your school have day pupils? If so, were they treated any differently?

I was a day girl at a boarding school about 40 years ago. (There was only full boarding or day. No weekly boarding). Day girls outnumbered boarders 2 to 1.

Do you feel as if the experience lead to difficulties in following through with things?

Fascinating answers op!

What on earth are parents thinking sending their children to school where they’re ‘parented’ by strangers?! Don’t they consider their children and how it may affect their lives … And the abuse that children suffered and I’m sure some still do suffer

Did any of your teachers get convicted for sex crimes? I went to Eastbourne college and lots got caught. Andrew boxer, then director of studies, he got 20 years for abusing a boy sexually, a music teacher got 2, a female teacher was caught having sex with a boy a few years ago... Some smart kid filmed it... And recently in the 2020s a maths teacher of 30ish years, wooldridge got caught grooming and having sex with a pupil.

My experience in my day was it was an old boys club with the teaching staff. These were just the ones who got caught with the police involved. Other teachers just vanished overnight, teaching one day, gone the next, with no explanation to parents.

Clearly given wooldridge had loads of character refs from my old teachers, nothing has changed... "jolly good fellow" (just warned on multiple times about his interactions with 6th form girls... Ignored, of course)

Did you have this too?

AMA: ......

And i wont answer..

I was a full boarder from age 10, and the experience was pretty good for me. I had a horrible home life though.
However my (late) DH was sent away at the age of 8 and this is when he began to hear voices, then being diagnosed in his late teens with schizophrenia.
There's a couple of interesting books about the effects of boarding on the child: Royston Lambert the hothouse society and Nick Duffel the making of them. It really messes up the attachment style.