I married an illegal immigrant - AMA

[Annie834]

I married a man who entered the UK as an illegal immigrant. After 5 years of relationship and two years of living together, we applied for his visa on grounds that he is my ‘durable life partner’ (this was while EU law was still applicable in the UK, I’m a EU citizen with settlement status). We went via an immigration lawyer and were upfront about the fact that he entered the UK illegally (not that this could have been concealed anyway). The application was successful and he was granted pre-settled status. We then got married a couple of years later and had a child.

I will answer any questions, but might not engage in wider discussions about illegal immigration, there are enough threads about that topic and this is an AMA.

My friend was in a relationship with an Albanian man who had entered the UK illegally. As soon as his father died in Albania, he was forced to return to marry a random woman his family had ready for him. Do you worry the same thing will happen to him?

No, he is very headstrong, hell would freeze before he’d move back to Albania. Although he respects his parents, he regularly opposes them and makes his own decisions.

You were in a relationship with an illegal immigrant and said you married after he had status , surely that's different , how would you have got the paperwork required to marry ?

I also think he wouldn’t have had a child with me, he’d just have waited it out / delayed TTC for another year and then his pre-settled status would transfer to permanent settlement and no one would ask about him about his relationship anymore.

Unless you're both completely honest with contraception, how could he determine if you conceive or not? It's sort of not up to him unless you're both strict at it together. So i doubt he could do that anyway even if he wanted to. Unless you agreed.

@CharlotteRumpling my dad came to the UK as a legal first gen white immigrant aged 7 in the 70s and was regularly subjected to xenophobia, told to 'go home' and told that he would never really be English. He also had racial slurs shouted at him on the streets despite being white because he doesn't look English and in the 70s a lot of English people thought anyone who wasn't English was simply Other. He said police officers were often the worst. I don't doubt that immigrants who aren't white receive abuse more often but you're under a misconception if you think the UK welcomes white immigrants with open arms. There has also been a lot of discussion in the news around Albanian men specifically when it comes to immigration because of them representing a high number of Channel crossings. Have you spoken to many white immigrants?

He could definitely have suggested to wait another year before TTC rather than agreeing, or use a condom if he’s worried that I have different plans. (But I’d also hope that ‘complete honesty with contraception’ is the norm in serious relationships.)

By the time we got married, he had his status already so there was no issue with paperwork . We had to prove our relationship prior to this when we applied for his pre-settlement status on relationship grounds, but that was a few years before the marriage.

Do you believe, hand on heart that the ordinary tax payer who has always contributed to the country and has real concerns about illegal immigration are really just racist?

As a white person, I think I can never fully understand the abuse and racism experienced by non-white communities and I would never compare. Albanians definitely have a ‘bad reputation’ though. As someone on this thread mentioned, it is often assumed that they are into drug trafficking and other criminal activity. My husband tries to avoid saying he’s from Albania because he experiences discrimination. Probably not as bad as non-white people, but as I said, I couldn’t compare or tell.

No, I think illegal immigration is a legitimate concern.

Fair enough! many cultural stereotypes abound.

The problem is the lying... the name fraud etc... why is that a good thing to admit to?

my own mother did this, he now has a British passport. He also lied when he got here with false name etc. I never could understand the attraction he is a large immature man baby lol

People generally go for work or study. What countries are known to welcome immigrants? I have lived in countries that have a reputation for being xenophobic. The UK is pretty tame compared to ha lot countries.

How can you describe someone as honest and hard working and law abiding when they’re a proven liar and criminal?

And how can you say you think illegal migration is a problem when you knowingly harboured an illegal immigrant and in fact were happy to play the system by using your relationship status to aid his acceptance here?

Personally I don’t think relationship status should count if someone enters the country illegally. If you end up in a relationship then tough shit. That’s the choice you make if you choose to break the law. It certainly shouldn’t play a part, it’s a proven trick to gain status here anyway and plenty of immigrants are happy to play the long game.

Interesting that you’re just coming up to the 5 year mark and you say you’re having ups and downs recently.

I like your husband's showing initiative and determination to make a better life for himself.
All the best to you guys.

What economic reasons would that be? The UK is in economic free fall at the moment. If I was looking for a country to move to with a strong economy, the UK would be way down on the list.

I wouldn’t say that I ‘played the system’. I entered a genuine relationship and any statement I made about our relationship in his application was true. It was the system that decided that this suffices to gain a status. I didn’t bend or make rules, I adhered to the current rules which meant that he was awarded a status.

What would you have done if he hadn’t been allowed to stay?

I thought Albanians were Muslims, is he?

Just wondering why he was in a pub if he was Muslim ?

Will you feed back in a couple of years time?

He’s atheist. Although Albania has a big Muslim population, it is (I think) the only country in the world that doesn’t have an official religion. Many people in Albania are not religious nowadays, including my husband and his family.

I would have explored options to apply for a visa in my country of origin and would have considered moving back there. He probably would have preferred to just stay here and continue as before.

Both OP and DH had choices; they weren't persecuted or in danger - both wanted a better life and one was able to do so legally, one illegally.

Like it or not, DH was willingly part of criminal gangs, tax evasion, fraud (along with the construction company who knew he wasn't the person whose name he was working under), and an enormous sense of entitlement in deciding his desire to be in the UK was more important than our laws and procedures.

Wonder whether OP will tell their child what those circumstances were, and whether their child will also have the same stunning sense of entitlement and disregard of the law?

NB - this opinion comes from the child of a refugee, whose family fled occupation and had to jump through hoops to do so. Nobody has an entitlement to move somewhere just because they feel like it.

Agree in general. Although I think there’s still good money to be made in the construction industry.

I have a mobile mechanic guy that has been servicing my car for years, very nice man in his mid 50s. Has a French name and bit of an accent so assumed he was from France. He's well known in our community and does a lot of odd jobs for elderly people for very reasonable money. Last year it came up in conversation that he's North African and came illegally to the UK 28 years ago but still has no status. He's been working in legit jobs since arrival on fake French documents, paying tax, NI etc. He's definitely an asset and challenged my 'illegal immigrant' stereotype. I'm sure the vast majority are like him.