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AMA

I've been a prostitute on and off since I was a young adult. AMA.

789 replies

IAMAthroway · 22/03/2026 01:49

Just that, really. I am drunk and bored, and I've noticed in the past on MN, many sweeping statements made about sex workers that I don't always agree with (i.e we are all brainwashed into thinking we are happy with our career choice, but really we are miserable)

For background, I started when I was 19, maybe late 18. I got into it because I was lapdancing and noticed those who offered "extras" after hours made 3x what I did. I was young and stupid, and sex just felt like sex to me, so it was quick, easy money. I left when I was 23/24 and met DH.

I got back into it when I was in my early 30s and left DH with nothing to my name, but left again when DH and I agreed to a suitable child maintenance arrangement, and I could afford to live.

I went back into it 2/3 months ago when possible redundancies were announced at my work, and I realised benefits covered only around 2/3 of my basic outgoings. I am in my early 40s with two adult children who still rely on me. DS is in uni, and DD has just started an NMW job; both still live with me.

OP posts:
Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:18

shuggles · 22/03/2026 20:08

@Nevs Because it’s a bigger challenge to enjoy sex with a man who is conventionally unattractive by most people’s standards.

Do prostitutes even enjoy having sex with any of the clients?

This why you don’t get many obese unattractive female prostitutes- because no one want to fuck them. Duh ?

We both know that there are many female prostitutes who are obese or who are not considered conventionally attractive, so I'm not sure why you wrote that.

Do prostitutes even enjoy having sex with any of the clients?

How would I know

We both know that there are many female prostitutes who are obese or who are not considered conventionally attractive, so I'm not sure why you wrote that.

A very small number as it’s a very niche market. We both know you know this, so I’m not sure why you wrote that..

Dobequiet · 22/03/2026 20:19

Really interesting to read your posts @IAMAthroway.

How do you keep yourself safe? Do you have a safety plan?

Bokeitup · 22/03/2026 20:20

LondonLady1980 · 22/03/2026 13:46

Thank you for this thread OP and I hope you do come back to it.

A poster above said that people have a lot of mixed feelings towards prostitution: confusion, disgust, pity, intrigue, feeling mystified (and more), and I agree.

There’s such a spectrum ranging from impoverished women being forced against their will to have sex by their pumps, all the way up to highly paid escorts who earn thousands…… and God knows how many different scenarios in between, with many of them being like yours I imagine.

I went to Amsterdam about 5 years ago and visited the Red Light District OIt of pure intrigue and I was fascinated. The normalcy and openness of what was going on just took my breath away…. I was in shock. It wasn’t ‘bad’ shock though, it didn't horrify me or anything, it was just disbelief that prostitution was occurring so openly, with absolutely no shame (not saying there should be) and it was being treated as normal as going to Specsavers for eye test.

Me and DH didn't know what to make of it.
But then again, when you’re raised in a society where prostitution is viewed in the way it is in the UK, then it’s a bit of a mind f**k to see it so normalised somewhere else.

You should be horrified. Most of the women there are trafficked.

xanthomelana · 22/03/2026 20:21

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:12

“What a disgusting post” is melodramatic, dear.

It was disgusting and very judgmental.

MarianaMonterey · 22/03/2026 20:23

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 22/03/2026 17:48

Presumably you’d be fine with your husband going to see a prostitute?

How are you getting from ‘Sex work is valid work’ and sex workers are complex human people that deserve not to be shamed and marginalised, to me being fine with my husband having sex with a prostitute? Why does viewing sex workers as human mean I’m good with an open marriage or a betrayal?

The issue with married men using prostitutes is the betrayal of their partners trust and exclusivity. That’s a matter for the partnership, not the sex worker. If he’s doing it without his partners consent, or has used any leverage to gain the appearance of consent, it’s abhorrent. But it’s not a sex worker’s problem. What’s she supposed to do, ask for a note from his wife?! Why will married women tie themselves knots to blame third parties for men’s extra marital sex?

I’m not married. So my husband is a moot point.

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:25

shuggles · 22/03/2026 20:08

@Nevs Because it’s a bigger challenge to enjoy sex with a man who is conventionally unattractive by most people’s standards.

Do prostitutes even enjoy having sex with any of the clients?

This why you don’t get many obese unattractive female prostitutes- because no one want to fuck them. Duh ?

We both know that there are many female prostitutes who are obese or who are not considered conventionally attractive, so I'm not sure why you wrote that.

Certainly many will not be conventionally attractive: not sure about obese though. Certainly a lot of women who sell sex will ve poor and stressed which lends itself to unhealthy diets. I don't think many clients would visit them though, unless they specifically wanted somebody obese.

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:26

xanthomelana · 22/03/2026 20:21

It was disgusting and very judgmental.

More users reacted positively to my post than those who have condemned it so I’m not alone in my views. Regardless I don’t care to be labelled judgemental, there are worse things to be called in life. We all have our own values. That’s your opinion and that’s fine.

MarianaMonterey · 22/03/2026 20:37

Do you have regulars, or is it mostly one offs? Is it kind of awkward getting started or are men clear about what they expect? Men need so much tact and handling, I can’t imagine it’s easy!

How do you make sure you don’t accidentally reveal your identity to someone you know? Do you ever have to ‘deal with crying girlfriends’? (as someone put it earlier) how do you handle that?

Some of your posts do sound a little bleak and you’ve clearly been through a lot. Do you have any support?

ThatPearlkitty · 22/03/2026 20:38

Questions for the critics of the op:

Why do most people see nothing wrong with two adults having casual sex, one-night stands, or friends-with-benefits arrangements as long as everyone consents but suddenly view the exact same physical act as morally wrong or sleazy once money changes hands?

If consenting adults are free to hook up with no strings attached and no emotional expectations, why does adding payment to the situation make so many people uncomfortable or judgmental?

We generally celebrate a woman’s right to choose her sexual partners and say yes or no whenever she wants in casual dating. So why is it often criticized or looked down on when she makes those same choices but also accepts money from the people she says yes to?

Society seems to be more and more okay with the idea that sex doesn’t always create an emotional bond for everyone. If that’s true, why do so many people still reject the idea of two adults keeping sex strictly professional and business-like?

These days lots of people openly make money from their sexuality through OnlyFans, selling nudes, custom videos, etc. and it’s fairly mainstream in some circles. So why does public opinion still split so sharply when it comes to inperson paid sexual encounters?

Why do some people see sex work as just another legitimate way for adults to use their body and time to earn a living, while others continue to strongly condemn it?

Are the negative reactions mostly about genuine worries over exploitation and coercion, or are they more about deeper discomfort with turning something as personal as intimacy into a paid service?

Do traditional ideas about gender roles, “proper” female sexuality, or the belief that sex should always involve love/romance still shape how people judge paid sex even when they’re fine with unpaid casual sex?

Why does society generally support sexual freedom and bodily autonomy when it happens behind closed doors, but get uneasy the moment that same freedom is organized, advertised, and structured like any other service-based job?

If we accept that adults can separate sex from love and can have sex purely for pleasure or fun, why is the additional motivation of earning money often treated as something that automatically makes the act “degrading” or less valid?

How much of the stigma around in-person sex work comes from concerns about safety and trafficking, and how much comes from a simple gut-level feeling that “sex is different” when it’s bought and sold?

In a culture that increasingly says “your body, your choice” about almost everything else, why hasn’t that principle been fully extended to the right to exchange sexual intimacy for money between consenting adults?

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:38

MarianaMonterey · 22/03/2026 20:23

How are you getting from ‘Sex work is valid work’ and sex workers are complex human people that deserve not to be shamed and marginalised, to me being fine with my husband having sex with a prostitute? Why does viewing sex workers as human mean I’m good with an open marriage or a betrayal?

The issue with married men using prostitutes is the betrayal of their partners trust and exclusivity. That’s a matter for the partnership, not the sex worker. If he’s doing it without his partners consent, or has used any leverage to gain the appearance of consent, it’s abhorrent. But it’s not a sex worker’s problem. What’s she supposed to do, ask for a note from his wife?! Why will married women tie themselves knots to blame third parties for men’s extra marital sex?

I’m not married. So my husband is a moot point.

Op says she thinks about 50% of her clients are married. If the client tells her he has a wife, the sex worker should refuse him. Otoh of course most of the time the men probably lie

shuggles · 22/03/2026 20:38

@Nevs A very small number as it’s a very niche market. We both know you know this, so I’m not sure why you wrote that..

It sounds as if you don't know men very well, or that you don't talk to very many men.

Men are not fussy when it comes to sex. An overweight or obese sex worker would still undoubtedly have numerous clients. Some men specifically look for overweight or obese women. It's far from being a "niche" market, so I'm not really sure where you got this idea from that men don't pay for sex with overweight women.

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:40

ThatPearlkitty · 22/03/2026 20:38

Questions for the critics of the op:

Why do most people see nothing wrong with two adults having casual sex, one-night stands, or friends-with-benefits arrangements as long as everyone consents but suddenly view the exact same physical act as morally wrong or sleazy once money changes hands?

If consenting adults are free to hook up with no strings attached and no emotional expectations, why does adding payment to the situation make so many people uncomfortable or judgmental?

We generally celebrate a woman’s right to choose her sexual partners and say yes or no whenever she wants in casual dating. So why is it often criticized or looked down on when she makes those same choices but also accepts money from the people she says yes to?

Society seems to be more and more okay with the idea that sex doesn’t always create an emotional bond for everyone. If that’s true, why do so many people still reject the idea of two adults keeping sex strictly professional and business-like?

These days lots of people openly make money from their sexuality through OnlyFans, selling nudes, custom videos, etc. and it’s fairly mainstream in some circles. So why does public opinion still split so sharply when it comes to inperson paid sexual encounters?

Why do some people see sex work as just another legitimate way for adults to use their body and time to earn a living, while others continue to strongly condemn it?

Are the negative reactions mostly about genuine worries over exploitation and coercion, or are they more about deeper discomfort with turning something as personal as intimacy into a paid service?

Do traditional ideas about gender roles, “proper” female sexuality, or the belief that sex should always involve love/romance still shape how people judge paid sex even when they’re fine with unpaid casual sex?

Why does society generally support sexual freedom and bodily autonomy when it happens behind closed doors, but get uneasy the moment that same freedom is organized, advertised, and structured like any other service-based job?

If we accept that adults can separate sex from love and can have sex purely for pleasure or fun, why is the additional motivation of earning money often treated as something that automatically makes the act “degrading” or less valid?

How much of the stigma around in-person sex work comes from concerns about safety and trafficking, and how much comes from a simple gut-level feeling that “sex is different” when it’s bought and sold?

In a culture that increasingly says “your body, your choice” about almost everything else, why hasn’t that principle been fully extended to the right to exchange sexual intimacy for money between consenting adults?

Most people who disagree with selling sex probably disagree with Onlyfans too.

I would question the notion that working on Onlyfans is 'mainstream'.

ThatPearlkitty · 22/03/2026 20:41

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:40

Most people who disagree with selling sex probably disagree with Onlyfans too.

I would question the notion that working on Onlyfans is 'mainstream'.

it still exists and is very public it seems odd that you can basically do the whole swinging 60's type free love and no one says a dicky, but the moment you admit to charging for your service then its crys of omg how dare she etc

CovenOfCheeses · 22/03/2026 20:43

Ignore the haters OP. You are obviously very brave and have made tough decisions. I have loads of questions because this so so outside my frame of reference. But I will respect you and will not hassle you.

Keep safe and look after yourself.

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I don't think in itself it's wrong/unmanly for a man to post regularly on a women's website, any more than vice versa The question is what he posts, not the fact he's posting.

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:50

ThatPearlkitty · 22/03/2026 20:41

it still exists and is very public it seems odd that you can basically do the whole swinging 60's type free love and no one says a dicky, but the moment you admit to charging for your service then its crys of omg how dare she etc

I don't think 'how dare she' is the main response on this thread.

Your earlier post seems to assume a very idealised scenario — like an escort who only sees men she’s attracted to and works entirely by choice. In that case the comparison with casual sex might make sense. But that isn’t the typical situation in much of prostitution, where financial pressure and client demand play a much bigger role.

The reason many people see paid sex differently isn’t just the physical act — it’s the context. Casual sex usually involves mutual desire. Paid sex often involves one person paying specifically because that mutual desire isn’t there. That changes the dynamics and is why many people think the two situations aren’t equivalent.

Beachtastic · 22/03/2026 20:53

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:26

More users reacted positively to my post than those who have condemned it so I’m not alone in my views. Regardless I don’t care to be labelled judgemental, there are worse things to be called in life. We all have our own values. That’s your opinion and that’s fine.

Edited

Hmm, well you haven't seen all the votes reacting positively to those who condemned your post. 🤦🏻‍♀️

ThatPearlkitty · 22/03/2026 20:53

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:50

I don't think 'how dare she' is the main response on this thread.

Your earlier post seems to assume a very idealised scenario — like an escort who only sees men she’s attracted to and works entirely by choice. In that case the comparison with casual sex might make sense. But that isn’t the typical situation in much of prostitution, where financial pressure and client demand play a much bigger role.

The reason many people see paid sex differently isn’t just the physical act — it’s the context. Casual sex usually involves mutual desire. Paid sex often involves one person paying specifically because that mutual desire isn’t there. That changes the dynamics and is why many people think the two situations aren’t equivalent.

but if a person can pick and choose who they go with then why does £ matter ?

Cardomomle · 22/03/2026 20:53

CovenOfCheeses · 22/03/2026 20:43

Ignore the haters OP. You are obviously very brave and have made tough decisions. I have loads of questions because this so so outside my frame of reference. But I will respect you and will not hassle you.

Keep safe and look after yourself.

What haters? Questioning and challenging isn't hate, it's part of discussion. If you see "hate", report it. It's against talk guidelines.

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:56

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 20:48

I don't think in itself it's wrong/unmanly for a man to post regularly on a women's website, any more than vice versa The question is what he posts, not the fact he's posting.

This is a space for women. The fact that he choices to insert himself on here so often, particularly with his view on prostitution, and when it’s appropriate to be asked to get sucked off, when there’s thousands of other gender neutral platforms for him to debate on is very telling.

And yes it is unmanly, and he would get laughed by a group of “men’s men” if they knew. Regardless of whether you personally think it’s unmanly or not.

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 21:05

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:56

This is a space for women. The fact that he choices to insert himself on here so often, particularly with his view on prostitution, and when it’s appropriate to be asked to get sucked off, when there’s thousands of other gender neutral platforms for him to debate on is very telling.

And yes it is unmanly, and he would get laughed by a group of “men’s men” if they knew. Regardless of whether you personally think it’s unmanly or not.

Yes, I agree re commenting on sensitive stuff like this esp.

Re this though : ' And yes it is unmanly, and he would get laughed by a group of “men’s men” if they knew. Regardless of whether you personally think it’s unmanly or not'

  • that , more generally though, is surely a symptom of sexism? Feminine things being seen as lesser, and men being derided if they take an interest in them?
DannyDeever · 22/03/2026 21:06

This is a space for women.

Rightly or wrongly it's no longer acceptable to have single sex spaces:

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/mar/25/judges-resign-from-men-only-garrick-club

he would get laughed by a group of “men’s men” if they knew.

I suspect the men in your life are a bit immature. I can't think of a single man I know who would give it a second's thought. MN is the definitive UK source of parenting information.

Bokeitup · 22/03/2026 21:06

Nevs · 22/03/2026 20:26

More users reacted positively to my post than those who have condemned it so I’m not alone in my views. Regardless I don’t care to be labelled judgemental, there are worse things to be called in life. We all have our own values. That’s your opinion and that’s fine.

Edited

Add me to your tally sheet of people who found your post appalling.

Carla786 · 22/03/2026 21:06

Cardomomle · 22/03/2026 20:53

What haters? Questioning and challenging isn't hate, it's part of discussion. If you see "hate", report it. It's against talk guidelines.

Exactly, 'haters' feels like reality TV vocab . Disagreement is not hatred, though some posts have crossed the line.