I come from a gypsy / travelling family AMA

[TowerTumble]

I have name changed for this. I see so much misconception and ignorance around the travelling community and towards families like mine. I've started an AMA so if you have any questions to try and stop this misconception I'll answer everything I can!

I think that was someone of Gypsy heritage who was perhaps a bit older?

So you’re making a huge stereotype and accusing her of being a criminal based on one experience? That’s racism and prejudice just to let you know

How can we support you more? I confess that until recently, I knew very little, but near my parents there is a community living so I took some time to understand more about the culture, although I still know very little, a lot of people are very guarded which I appreciate but I wonder if things were more open, it might help to fight some of the misconceptions. Mind you, the racism across the world in general is increasing so possibly not.

What would be more supportive? And I’m sorry if that question is a burden.

Thank you. Very interesting.

Which negative stereotypes are the most false or unfair?

Which negative stereotypes are the most true or reasonable?

As an Irish non-traveller, I agree. Your community has a distinctive accent which has things in common with various Irish accents, reasonably enough.

Thanks for the AMA.

Here is my question - realize it might not have just one answer. Does your community have origin stories about how Irish travellers came to be a distinct group, and on the road? I remember hearing a few different things at school, none of which seem that convincing in retrospect!

I’ll admit I don’t know much about travellers. I’ve been told that most prefer to be paid in cash and don’t pay taxes. I also see the mess left behind after travellers have moved on from a site. I’ve seen horses chained up at the roadside, but I don’t know if they belong to travellers, people say they do. I’m aware plenty of non travellers fly tip, treat their animals badly and receive cash for work so that they don’t have to pay taxes. I lived in a village where a couple of family of travellers had bought a house , their teenage girls wandered around the village during the day, definitely not at high school, definitely not school leaving age. Also these families were allegedly dealing drugs. As you can tell, this is mainly second hand knowledge for me. I just wondered what your take is on this. I myself have always found the travellers I’ve known of to be friendly.

What do you think can be done to improve hard outcomes like health and life span issues for travellers? I don’t know who the stats break down between the different groups but I know they are generally less good than for the general population.

We have a lot of travellers around where I live and the families I know still pull their children from education after year 6. One of my children had a primary best friend who was a traveller but they lost touch as he went to high school and his friend to the family business. They are both thriving in different ways but their separation is fairly typical for round here. Do you think that is representative (and maybe inevitable when there are reasons to be defensive) or are some groups or areas more integrated? I suppose I wonder if that is the benefit of further education that integration is an easier - but maybe not always a wanted- outcome. It is bit like a male version of the poem by Liz Lochhead - The Chooosing which is about class and its impact of life choices. Maybe that is what I mean - culture or class, of sorts, driving outcomes?

Within parts of your community does low literacy cause problems? I always felt bad for one of the lovely nursery mums who didn’t know about the application for actual school being different and couldn’t read the signs put up. I was so sorry that she felt so awful that her girl had to move school when she had planned for her to stay with her friends. She could barely read but didn’t like to say so and told me her sisters were the same - they could have been a family affected by dyslexia (and as I type that I am thinking of another man and son I know who are hugely dyslexic and whose wife does the books for their business who are also travellers) but I wondered how common that was and whether it would more often apply to women and girls in some parts of the community (or whether it’s as random as the man/son I know).

Sorry that was a huge ramble. I hope you don’t find my questions negative - I would hate to be part of the hostility and prejudice I see round here sometimes.

I encountered a man through work who was a traveller, he had quite severe injuries and was unable to wash himself but refused to allow the nursing staff to do it because he saw it as disrespectful to his wife to allow another woman to see him naked. She would go in every day to attend to his personal care. I always wondered if this was specific to them/their marriage or a cultural practice?

My great-grandmother was a traveller who was disowned by her parents for marrying outside the community. Would this happen now?

Final question! I see you and other travellers on this thread refer to yourself as a gypsy which as someone not from the community I wouldn't say as I thought it was outdated/offensive and generally not used any more, what do you prefer to be called (aside from your name!)? Here in Scotland I often hear 'Showfolk' or 'Showmen'.

I think it's getting easier but we have a long way to go sadly (examples of thay on this thread)

Thankyou for posting this interesting AMA

Do you have any hobbies/interests? Do you mix with people from outside your community? If not, would you like to and what would stop you doing this?

This is crazy! I live in a town with a travelling community and they don’t behave anything like this at all, sounds like there’s a bad bunch and you think they’re all the same

Sadly this is my only real experience of what I suppose are "travellers"?

Last summer when we were on holiday, a large number of people travelling together in trucks and vans pulling caravans, all arrived at the same petrol station at the same time (we had pulled up about 5 mins beforehand). They all filled up with fuel and then helped themselves to armfuls of goods from the little shop, before shouting obscenities at the shop staff and the families like us who were queuing to pay - there were so many of them and they were very aggressive, so no-one was going to step in.

What does your community do to tackle behaviour like this amongst themselves? Can't they see that by behaving like this gives all travellers a bad name? Why do some travellers think the general rules of society (like not stealing) don't apply to them? Obviously all groups have a few bad apples but are there more in the travelling population? How do you teach your children right from wrong when they are set examples like this?

How do you feel the programmes like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding have portrayed the traveller community, and do you think they helped or harmed other people’s view of you, @TowerTumble?

How do you feel about the expectation to dress in a certain way for events like weddings, FHC etc. the outfits seem, for want of a better expression, gawdy at times and I’ve seen very young girls in dresses that seem to overtly sexy for a 7 year old.

Probably that certain things like health and finances or family disputes are strictly kept within the family. We tend to sort things ourselves and I find it very interesting how freely people share their lives. For example children going for sleepovers. This would never be allowed outside of the community and even in the community our children tend to only stay with immediate family, for example my siblings or parents

I’m not debating that discrimination exists; however, while I don’t hate anyone from any community, and would never knowingly discriminate without reason, my experience of people from that particular community has been overwhelmingly negative, so I do understand how that can shape people’s views.

It’s obviously unfair when the few give the majority a bad name. One thing I often wonder is if people from the Gypsy/traveller community as a whole, don’t view the behaviour as negative, so they don’t try to explain it away or show themselves to be different from the “badly behaved” ones.

Sorry if I’m not explaining that right - I’m genuinely not trying to be rude or disrespectful, but I’ve had a few experiences that are definitely considered immoral/borderline illegal in society, but within the Gypsy community, almost appears normal.

Sorry, just thought of another question . . .

Do you have particular naming conventions for babies? ~ i.e. do you name your babies after family members and how does this work? I seem to remember from my medical records days that there were often unusual names, repeatedly used within the same family so several cousins could share exactly the same forename/surname

Thankyou

That we do really care about the community. We don't do things for show so a lot of things we do go unnoticed. Every year my community goes to Smyths toyshop and spends £5,000 on toys and the men deliver it to the unwell children in hospital. That we look after our own elderly relatives until the very end. (No judgement here at all) but putting an elderly relative into a care home is completely unheard of

Are there similarities between Travellers and European Romani? Where I live (rural Portugal) there are a lot of Roma around, and they are extremely poor and marginalised. I am friendly with them whenever I encounter them, but there is a huge, unspoken cultural barrier between us. I would love to understand them better, but I don't know where to start. Sorry if this is a stupid question, I realise Travellers are a completely different ethnic and cultural group!

And my question back is what do you do about all the people in your community or ethnic group who abuse animals, shop lift, leave litter and everything else? Have you seen the state of Glastonbury after the festival? Or do we get the blame for that too?

why can’t you take inviduals at face value rather than assuming the whole group is like that? This is the exact same as racism for skin colour or prejudice against a religious group. This women clearly doesn’t do any of those things listed and yet your telling her she doesn’t deserve any respect because of actions of other people? What a horrible mindset you have you must be full of hate

Yes we can always tell when somebody comes from the travelling community. There are very evident signs 😊

I don’t really have a question as such just a comment. I must be honest that ashamedly I have had a few stereotypical thoughts about your community at times, nothing hugely awful but still not acceptable. However, this was completely changed when I was abroad last year and my 4 year old went missing (we found them after 45 minutes! 😫) and I was absolutely frantic searching for them, liaising with the hotel staff, calling out descriptions of him etc. there were lots and lots of English families in reception who obviously could see and hear what was going on and not one approached me to ask for my help, even when I asked if they had seen him etc. however, also in the lobby was a very large traveller family and whilst talking to staff one of the women approached me to ask what was wrong. I explained and she immediately rounded up her entire family (30+ people) gave them descriptions and they all (women, men, children included) scattered immediately in different directions to search for him, and gave me a massive cuddle. I was honestly so grateful to her and her family and it changed my perception completely. So I apologise for my, and the wider communities prejudices of your people ❤️❤️

What's your view on cousin marriage?

The rate of consanguineous marriage is statistically higher than other communities in the UK.