I come from a gypsy / travelling family AMA

[TowerTumble]

I have name changed for this. I see so much misconception and ignorance around the travelling community and towards families like mine. I've started an AMA so if you have any questions to try and stop this misconception I'll answer everything I can!

@babylamb4 is that because they need qualifications, so rare to have jobs like that. What would happen if a woman said she wanted to be an electrician, or work in a trade that would involve mainly working with men?

How do young people afford to buy a house without a mortgage? Do family help out?
Or are the houses from the state mostly?

Sorry I don’t have all the answers for the hundreds of thousands of gypsy’s and traveller families in the country and I have no idea what would happen because I’ve never experienced it. In any walk of life there isn’t many girls that would want to do it anyway

By working hard all their life. in our culture we are taught the importance of working and saving hard. I have a family member that bought his house outright at the age of 23 and spent a year renovating it before moving in. Men like to buy their own stuff and won’t accept handouts because they have too much pride.

Thank you OP you have shone a light.

I do have something to say. I’ve said quite a lot. I’m sure there are many hard working and law abiding travellers. Unfortunately the majority do not seem to be from what I’ve experienced first hand .

Okay, thank you.
I’m just very surprised that most 23 year old could have saved enough to buy a house outright. It seems almost impossible these days.

Their home isn't always a house. It could be a caravan or mobile home. But in order to get married they have to provide a home to live in with their wife. That drives them, they have a purpose.

I'm not saying that other teens aren't driven but if you compare an 18 year old boy from our culture to others, they are like completely different species. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with either way of life. Many of your children don't really have to start adulthood until some time in their 20s and ours can be married with children by then. It's just very different.

Well when you don’t have any debt, finance and university loans hanging over you it’s very much doable.

It's not usual for a 23 year old to be able to buy a house outright - not at all. Irrespective of whether they have debt or student loans or finance in their name

yeah sorry, its just that @babylamb4 listed the businesses that her female relatives work in as very much jobs done bty women for women and embedded in their cultural choices. Absolutley nothing wrong with that of course unless its all a part of the limitation of choice.

Okay, thank you, a caravan I can understand. A house seems out of reach without a mortgage or help from the council.
(Where I am in Ireland most travellers live in houses now,)

I agree that going to college delays ‘growing up’ in many ways. Not sure if this is good or bad but it’s certainly true imho.

Lots of travellers where I am from (West of Scotland) live in council housing.

I dunno. There is quite a trend in female home repair trades round here, or mixed sex teams and has been for some years. Many folk, especially older ones feel more comfortable with having strange women in the house rather than strange men. Its also apparently easier for mums with children as they can schedule their work more flexibly.

I was googling this. Aren’t they called something different and highland and lowland Scottish travellers are different?

@babylamb4 how much was the house? And what was his trade?

There are apparently four or five different types of traveller communities in the West of Scotland.

I believed that to be the case where I am too.

What is confusing me is that a pp asked upthread

‘If you have a house do you not have a mortgage?’

to which the reply was

‘No we don’t believe in borrowing and debt, everything is paid outright.’
No mention of councils.

I find that hard to believe tbh when it comes to young people buying houses. Maybe occasionally depending on the particular circumstances, but it can’t be routinely possible surely.

They buy what they can afford. People with less income might buy a second hand caravan, people who earn more could spend over £100k on a fancy park home. But the "deal" for lack of a better word is that the man will provide the home and the woman's family pay for the wedding.

Obviously there are some people who live in council houses, equally there are people who own vast properties. Just as in any culture, a person's wealth determines the way they live.

Also plenty of gypsies have mortgages. They wouldn't openly discuss that though.

Are weddings very expensive in your culture generally @ThejoyofNC

Would it be frowned upon / unlikely for a couple to decide to have a small do with immediately family only if that’s what they really wanted to do?

Similar to the home thing, families put on the best wedding they can afford. Wealthy families will put on a very lavish event. But ultimately it's up to the bride what she wants.

Some couples choose to elope. We call it "running off". It's quite frowned upon as after she's gone and stayed the night with the boy if he doesn't actually marry her and she ends up going back to her parents, she isn't likely to marry again unless it's a divorcee. Girls are very silly to do this because it gives the man all the power and no security to her unless they actually do get married.

I've seen the very nasty aftermath of when a girl and boy ran away together and the boy then decides he doesn't want her (usually under family pressure) and she has to go back to her family and is scandalised up and down the country. There have been both boys and girls who've taken their own lives over it.

@ThejoyofNC do you think sex before marriage is becoming more acceptable? I know of two girls recently who've been engaged and had babies and everyone seemed pleased for them.

Is the boy ostracised in the same way?

No, it does nothing to his reputation but imagine two 15 year olds ran away, she got pregnant and her family forced her to come back to them. He knows he won't be able to marry her and might not see the baby. It must be devastating and as a child there's nothing you can do about it. The upset and pressure from the community is too much to bear. There are shame pages on social media where people will post these things so it travels far and wide.

It's absolutely not becoming acceptable. Obviously there are people who sneak around but that's very stupid as well because a girls good reputation is very important.

@sittingonabeach not in the same way but still to some degree. Girls would be warned about him and a lot would avoid him as a marriage prospect. The difference is he could still carry on with his normal life where the girl wouldn't really be able to go back to socialising in the same way as before, at least not for a while anyway.

I would say attitudes to divorce have changed a lot over the last generation though and it's now acceptable and many women are even remarrying which would never have happened in the past.