I’ve suffered from anorexia for 35 years

[Jujujudo]

I’m a 50 year old mother of 2 boys and I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t either starving myself, purging, or obsessed with my weight and food. The only time I was ever anything like overweight was in my youth, but looking back at photos, I was barely even chubby. I’m now hovering around 7 and a half stone and I’m 5’1”. I never feel thin or happy with my weight, despite knowing rationally that I am thin.
I will leave the rest of it to your questions. I’m not sensitive about it, so ask anything!

Yes, I was quite upset about what my friend's family had gone through, so I did a bit of research about the causes of anorexia, as I was curious, and that's what they think now.

My friend said that they had never talked about food or weight or appearance in their house, but that the disease "snuck in like a stranger in the night and get hold of their daughter." They've all been through sheer hell with it. Anorexia can be extremely persistent, as you no doubt know, and as I can see with her daughter, who is still desperately underweight.

Here's some info. for you:
"Eating disorders are multifactorial disorders, resulting from the interaction between environmental triggers, psychological factors, but there is also a strong genetic component. In fact, genetic factors predispose for approximately 33-84% to anorexia nervosa, 28-83% to bulimia nervosa, and 41-57% to binge eating disorder. Twins and family studies have provided an unassailable proof on the heritability of these disorders."

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9710388/

ETA: Genes are a funny thing, and it might be that someone a few generations back in your family had it. Like red hair can hide for a few generations and then pop up again.

Wandawaves tbh it's complex.when I had help decades ago it was the therapist job to get me eating as my family were too emotionally involved.
As someone I'm my 50s now I would say take the focus off food onto a hobby which builds self esteem.
Anorexia makes you think about food morning,noon and night.
Friends and family going on about it makes it worse.

Telling a stranger with diagnosed anorexia that they aren't that thin is dangerous and unspeakably cruel.

It is not "unspeakably cruel, " it's a fact. A BMI of almost 20 is not underweight. Also, I'm not sure how the OP is anorexic if she's never been underweight. It sounds to me like she just struggles to keep her weight down, like most of us. My friend's daughter spent a year in hospital and struggles to keep her BMI up to 17.

Also, OP says that she has never received a diagnosis of anorexia and that her doctor said that her bodyweight wasn't low enough to be anorexic. 🤷‍♀️

Atypical Anotexia….

’atypical anorexia patients had what the study called “significantly higher levels of distress related to eating and body image” and “a fear of fatness that their weight history might exacerbate.”
Atypical patients also have low self-esteem and almost half report self-harm andsuicidal ideation. They are just as likely as other anorexia patients to withdraw socially, and to have related mental health issues, most often depression or anxiety’.

@Viviennemary @ThisFluentBiscuit hope that helps….

Hope you don't mind me asking this op...I mean it is AMA! When you see people who are overweight or obese, what do you think? Do you notice? Do you judge them?

Wishing you all the best by the way

Sounds like OP's GP misdiagnosed her then, when he said she didn't meet the criteria for anorexia.

I read it as she sought a diagnosis in the 80s and 90s so she wouldn’t have met the criteria for anorexia then.

Atypical anorexia first appeared in the 5th addition of the DSM which was first published in 2022.

Apologies if I misread/misunderstood.

so you have self diagnosed atypical anorexia. Now that this is recognised in DSM-5 would you consider being referred for ED support via your GP?
You were in your teens in the 80s, did your parents intervene?

it is very common for people with anorexia (typical or atypical) to overstate their weight, so as to deflect from their illness.

How often do you feel hungry? Does the feeling of hunger diminish eventually?

When I was in my early twenties I weighed the same as you and ate absolute rubbish from morning til night, I was always hungry. I’m now overweight and have a better diet than then.

True.
I don’t know why OP would start a thread inviting people to ask her all about it I.e.the opposite of deflecting attention, and then not be truthful.

I may have misunderstood but do you think I’m not being truthful?

No, I disagree with@Randomer27saying you are not being honest about your weight.

I have not heard of this ever… the last time I sought help from my GP was in the 90’s when they prescribed amphetamines to prevent bingeing/purging (which of course didn’t work.. I can’t believe they even did that!). Now I have this knowledge I’ll go back to my GP with this information and maybe I’ll finally be helped..

JuJuJudo... you said this:
I don’t think I’m “too thin”, I wish I was…

You are helping your son have good nutrition and that keeps you honest. Do you have a plan to recover if/when your children have fled the nest?

I really hope you have a good support network around you.

No, although very obese people tend to also suffer from an ED, so I usually feel sympathy for them. I don’t judge others’ appearance but I do have emotions when I see them.

Anorexic thinking and behaviour isn’t about weight. It’s about restriction, control, obsession and preoccupation with weight. That’s one of the dangers of ED’s because unless you’re severely underweight, it’s almost impossible to be taken seriously.
Someone who is naturally skinny and looks underweight, yet has a healthy attitude to food isn’t anorexic. Someone with a normal weight who binges/purges, starves and restricts, obsesses about calories, has severe anxiety around meals and food has an eating disorder.
I was a teacher for 20 years. I know what anorexia and bulimia looks like, and I know that I’ve suffered from an ED for the majority of my life.

I want to be able to eat foods I enjoy, feel freedom during meals, not obsess about my weight, not feel that a couple of pounds can send me into starvation or purging.

Thank you for understanding so clearly. You’ve made me cry. 🩷

Very interested in this OP. My DD is 26 and had an ED for 8 years or more. She goes up and down and functions with a good job (classic high achiever) tho with a lot of stress and self doubt. Despite treatment the ED persists and she thinks she’s stuck with it forever. She already has signs of osteoporosis and has no periods.

so..
how hard was it for you to conceive?
do you take measures to counter osteoporosis?
do you want to get better?

I’ve read this many times and taken a screenshot. I rarely get any kind of support like this because I’m so high functioning and terrified of letting others know what’s going on. So thank you for taking the time to write to a stranger with such empathy - and for making me feel better about myself as a result 🩷

Not always. Rationally of course, but in my head it’s a big void!

Everything frightens me at the moment! But yes, when the children are grown I worry about it - thank you for sharing your experience, it feels like you get it.. Much love 🩷