I'm a secret SAHM alcoholic

[Theblondewino]

Married, two kids, stay at home mother and functioning alcoholic. Both my kids are happily playing with toys in front of me while I sip on my second vodka and sprite and wrap gifts for nieces birthday tomorrow

Please seek help.

My dad used to drink 4-5 pints and half a bottle of wine a night. He started when I was about 12 or 13. He was pushing 90+ units a week. It caused an AAA that ballooned, heart problems, kidney problems, high blood pressure etc etc.

He got into a physical fight with my adult brother, he broke his nose one night when he got up to go to the toilet, he hurt himself more times than I can count.

It was awful as a child, I knew past 6pm I could never count on my dad as he'd be too drunk to come and help. As an adult I would always worry tonight would be the night that he went too far and died.

He cut down his drinking about six months ago. The difference is unbelievable. He'll have at most half a pint of cider a night but will often choose to drink non-alcohol cider. I have my dad back, and it's the most amazing feeling.

Your kids won't remember this, please don't ever give them that fear.

Don't feel embarrassed its nothing to be ashamed of most people struggle with at least 1 addiction and their not even aware of it such as food, screens, prescription drugs. Your gp will be able to help and he/she won't judge or even think much of it I doubt you will even be the first patient that day that he has this conversation with.

I recommend reading Alcohol Explained by William Porter and/or taking a look at his website of the same name. You’re not the problem, alcohol is, and alcohol is to blame for how you’re feeling. Please, read the book and start on your path to freedom.

I did read the updates - she said he drinks 2-3 cans a night. That doesn't make him an alcoholic.

On the days you drink so can’t drive, do your children also have to stay at home all day with you? I have no idea how any one can drink half a bottle of vodka and cocktails and their husband not notice any difference in their behaviour.

Thank you so much for this post. I will absolutely look up the things you mentioned xx

Thank you x

Children are very sensitive to smell, OP. Do you realise they will grow up thinking that it's normal to smell of alcohol?

Your husband will know you've been drinking. My mother would down half a bottle of gin (sometimes more) every night and of course my father and I knew when she[d been drinking - I only had to look at her. I could tell by the sound of her voice when she answered the phone. And I could smell it on her the next morning. She had a heart attack at 51.
Get some help OP.

Alcoholic in recovery here (4 and a half years). I was "functioning" until suddenly I wasn't. I had to nearly die in order to finally stop. Don't wait until that's your case. Help is out there: talk to your GP to be referred to a local programme, and think about going to an AA meeting. Life is SO much better in recovery. My children certainly agree.

To the person saying I'm trolling, I most certainly am not.
I am just noting my normal every day life.

Also my husband doesn't drink 2-3 cans every night, a couple of times a week perhaps most likely on Friday/Saturday

I had this with NAFL, mine cleared up when I lost weight, It was my inflamed liver causing issues but not alcohol related but I know you can also get a fatty liver from alcohol so it could be causing the back pain.

How much were you drinking a day if I may ask? ,

Have you had any health issues that are probably caused by drinking, such as gall stones or gout

My mother thought she was a functioning alcoholic but she wasn't reliable and it cost money we didn't have. She drank less than you but it was still obvious. I'm betting people round about you know. My mum got sober 6 years before she died. She had reduced her life expectancy so much with alcohol abuse. You will too and your youngest is only 1yo 😔 Even if your care for them never slips, this will still impact them because they have a Mum that can't cope with life sober. It's time to be honest with yourself and loved ones and get help, hopefully you'll avoid permanent damage. I'm betting your husband already knows. My mum used to drink vodka because she thought it wasn't detectable but she stank of stale booze. You probably do too.

No none at all, as I said on pp my back gets sore when I drink sometimes

I second this OP . AA can be a life saver and also provide true friends who really understand you.

My friend is a 'secret' alcoholic. She has 2 school age children, goes to work, holds down a job and has a husband but drinks half a litre of vodka most nights. You can tell. She always looks tired, her skin is dehydrated and she gets 'angsty' very easily.
Her mother was also an alcoholic and died of liver failure when my friend was 17 years old. Without doubt, the trauma of nursing her mother and losing her as a teenager has set her on this path of alcoholism. Please, please get help, if only for the sake of your children.

Fuck, half a bottle of vodka and 2-4 cans of cocktails 😳
I know you have said that your husband has taken the car today but what would you do if you have been drinking and there was an accident at home and you needed to drive the kids to hospital??
How would you feel if one of the kids hurt themselves whilst you were meant to be looking after them but you had had a little too much and was tipsy and had accidentally caused the injury??
You say your kids are your world but then use them as your reason to stop drinking. Be sober and present for them and stay alive longer for them.
I hope this thread can be the first step you need to realising you need help to stop

OP I've just read this & don't want to read & run & I certainly don't wish to appear judgemental as alcohol addiction is an illness.

Unlike illnesses where there is nothing you can do except rely on doctors to treat you with a prescription etc that will either cure or suppress symptoms, your illness is one you can take control of & cure yourself. You may need a Doctors help especially if your drinking to the point of it being dangerous to stop suddenly but given today is your first drink since early January it doesn't sound like it.

How about writing your own prescription.Perhaps begin with:

As from today I am taking control of this situation.

I pledge to only drink at weekends when my husband is around.

I pledge to stop drinking through the day & never on school days.

I pledge to not decimate my family by reaching my rock bottom.

I pledge to stop and think before buying Vodka & just walk on.

I pledge to do my best to be around to see my children grow up & to stop committing slow suicide with alcohol.

I pledge to put my children's needs first before my own need of vodka

I don't know if this will help or not OP but I think you know you have to do something to get your life back on track minus the constant need to booze your head off every single day. You are better than that.💐

Op the bad back when drinking is either due to one of the following normally.

liver cirrhosis which can cause kidney failure,
dehydration in the discs between the spine causing them to rub together
kidney disease.

I would strongly advise you to see a doctor, have them run blood tests, this is not something you can ignore,

The above poster is correct about reducing your life expectancy if you continue to drink, and also by the risk involved with being intoxicated, more likely to have accidents and make poor decisions as well as the immediate health risks caused by drinking so much.

My DSIS worked with a functioning alcoholic in a high stress job (think of something like air traffic controller) sadly they didnt manage to give up and have passed away but he was a risk to not only himself but others, in the end he had to resign but my DSIS kept in contact and spent many evenings afterwards counselling him over the phone, when he called her drunk and desperate, she stepped away in the end as it was too hard when he didn't accept proper help and she was basically witnessing him drinking himself to death, he was only 45 when he died.

Please do get some help as it will get worse and worse and worse. At some point you will be drunk enough to not be able to look after your children.

At 17 I found my mum at home dead lying in coffee like granules and extremely jaundiced. She was only 42.

She refused any help from the hospital and despite being told she would die if she kept drinking and never see her children again, she carried on. They were right. It was just awful and it still breaks my heart to this day.

So sad.

Pain in the right side of your back is the first sign of liver disease. It's painful but stopping will quickly reverse it.