AMA - My Journey to Minimalism

[Verbena17]

Hi 😊
Ask me anything…. about how I went from cluttered house, mind and life to how I started and continued my minimalism journey.

I don’t know if this is something that interests people but if it is, ask away!

Would you say you're better off financially because of your mindset?

Thank you Verbena17. It isn't easy so I understand how people can hang on to things but once you start I find it easier. I've just moved into a new place and had done a major declutter before moving in, but as I'm unpacking I'm thinking there are some more things that can go. It is just stuff. I'm not perfect - far from it as I find letting go of my son's things difficult, as does he - I have a large plastic box with all his soft toys and teddy bears in! They were played with so much and had names and personalities that I feel it is for him to do at some stage. Right now as this box is at my place it is out of sight, out of mind for him.

So much of what you say resonates with me - I have one shampoo, one conditioner and a bar of soap on the go. At one point I had bottles everywhere and it was nice to see them lined up but now I just buy what I need. It takes time.

I have a friend who is a hoarder and I know it is from childhood trauma. She talks about getting more boxes and one of those beds you lift up. I've told her not to buy more storage but to declutter, that I would help her but she finds it hard to take that step. She does the odd thing but it really needs a week of being ruthless but I don't think she can do it. She has five enormous saucepans for example but hasn't used them in 20 years - she keeps them just in case. I've said anytime she's had family round they usually get a takeaway anyway but she can't let things go. Two rooms in her house you can't get into. Very sad.

Because you don't want to clutter up your space, have you saved money because you don't buy as many things? Enough that it has made a noticeable difference to your quality of life or your savings level?

Verbena - regarding the note I'm thinking of leaving next to my will, I thought I'd do that to help my son in the process as I found it difficult letting some of my mother's furniture go. I had no space for it although could have taken things like her sofa but it wasn't really my style and I had two of my own (now down to one with the move). It was a stumbling block as I felt guilty that her hard-earned money was being given away, so I thought by leaving a practical note for my son it gives him permission to just get rid of it all straightaway and not to have any lingering feelings of guilt. I still have to get rid of some of my mother's cheaper jewellery. I'm keeping her wedding ring, my nan's wedding ring and two rings belonging to my great-grandmother in case he ever has daughters - but even typing that I'm thinking should I? Where does it end.

Yes definitely!
and @Not2identifying
We spend money on the mortgage, bills, car fuel, food etc and maybe 4 times a year go for dinner with friends. We don’t go to the cinema except on a rare occasion and we don’t have hobbies that cost much. We rarely eat take aways anymore.

Without the need to bring ornaments, new clothes and pretty interior things into the house anymore, and instead, making do with what we have, we have saved lots of money. That’s not to say I don’t buy stuff because I do. So like if I dropped a serving bowl I would buy a new one to replace it or if my jeans have worn through, I’ll buy a new pair. But it’s very much a subsistence way of living rather than splurging just because we can.

I get very emotional watching YouTube videos of people living hidden away in the middle of a Norwegian forest or people who live in Alaska and I think it’s mainly because I love that feeling of living a non materialistic lifestyle and being in nature.

I like films about Victorian times or WW2 times when people were making do and mending. They had maybe 3 outfits and each one was mended when necessary. One of my favourites stories from my mother was when her father came home from the war - as he was in the Black Watch he had a kilt that had yards of material in it and her mum unpicked all the pleats and made dresses for the girls - they wasted nothing.

Do you have any advice - my partner is the cluttering mess maker with years of stuff in boxes that he WILL NOT address.

I totally understand how difficult it must be to get rid of precious family things like jewellery. Don’t feel you need to get rid of the rings and things - just put them away in a little jewellery box with your note for your son.

Can i ask, is your son also neurodivergent? You mentioned his soft toys for him to sort out etc. My son couldn’t part with his soft toys but when he was about 17, I said ok let’s keep them all - every single one. So I took them all out of his wardrobe, bagged them up into bin liners and popped into our under eaves storage. Yes that’s not really minimal but he still wants them and attaches his memories to them.

That was a lovely thing to make with the material!

Yes I love old movies where time much more simple!

Verbena - he has ADHD, which wasn't diagnosed as a child. He's a bit sensitive and soft-hearted and sentimental, as am I. I think at some stage he'll get rid of them, or most of them. I also think if moths got them or the house burnt down it wouldn't devastate him, so that is good.

Can I ask what now occupies your uncluttered mind? You say you don't have hobbies, you rarely go out or to the movies. What do you use all this " free time" for?

Like your son he has a lot of good memories attached to them (teddy olympics, dance contests, etc) but I don't think he thinks of them at all now. I just haven't had "permission" from him to get rid. It'll happen at some point.

I was lucky in that i had a military man who was used to living a pretty minimal lifestyle - especially when on operations!

However although your DH is messy, I would say you’re doing better than someone where both partners are hoarders/messy. That would be very difficult to get the motivation if you were both like it.

Maybe you could start by just asking him to give you a ‘tour’ of the boxes and chat about things in them. That way, he might even realise the things in them he might not need to keep hold of anymore. See how he reacts to you asking that and if it’s positive, once he’s shown you, you could suggest finding places to store things where they can be useful and have a purpose. Again, that might make him think about whether they’re really needed.

Of course, there could be a reason why he can’t the motivation to go through and sort them but if it’s just that he hasn’t been bothered, he might surprise you if you do it together.

JFDIYOLO - that must be difficult. I'm not sure what to suggest. Can you suggest doing one box a month maybe?

Ah ok, totally understandable then. That’s good if he’s not as attached to them and that bodes well for the future.

I think/hope at some stage he'll make the decision to take them to charity. I'm not pushing it as they're not taking up much space as I've got rid of so much other stuff of his.

I spend quite lot of time online - catching up with stuff going on in the world. I’m doing all the housework, garden, cooking etc. Walking the dog and supporting the kids. I also have to stick to a regular schedule for my autistic son, so my days are pretty similar and that’s ok with me.

But in my mind, there are day dreams, ideas for the future, how I can help the kids, I research lots of stuff about autism and adhd so that is always in my head and really interest me. I don’t feel down or depressed and have time to plan and relax. It maybe sounds a bit cuckoo but since having a more minimal way of living, I’ve definitely felt calmer in my head.

What does it actually mean to be a minimalist? Where did you start? Did you just pick a room and get rid of all your stuff? I'd love to do this, DH and I (and 2 young DC) unfortunately have a lot of clutter and it wears me down mentally. I am wondering where/how to start?
I assume you kept some very basic things eg in your bedroom keep your hair dryer but get rid of all your books, extra bedding, old clothes?

Are there any tv programs or books you reccomend which helped you? Also how long did it take you do to the whole house?

Thank you for this, @Verbena17 and others. I know that I have to make a start, and it's so difficult. However, I think some of you have a healthy attitude to possessions and consumption, and that's what I'm aiming for.

Thanks for this OP.

I am very keen to embrace this, partly to clear my house but your comments about clearing your mind really resonate. I feel like my head is bursting with all of the things in it and suspect the clutter in this house isn't helping.

However, we're not military with the multiple moves behind us and that mindset. So I'm struggling to get started and switch my brain from "you might use that one day" to a cleaner, clearer way of living.

Lots of great comments on this thread.

I thought I'd add that all the things that I thought about keeping "just in case" - I've never given them a second thought after getting rid of them and in fact can't remember everything I gave to charity. There's nothing that I wish I'd kept.

How long did it take you from the start to get to your final clutter free state? I find that any effort I keep putting in gets eroded over time unless I'm continuously decluttering. Which I don't have much time for as I work FT and kids are in exam years.

Minimalism is totally different for every person.
My minimalism to my best friend (who is further along the journey than me) would probably be classed as not quite minimalist enough, but for my sister who has trouble with hoarding and organisation, she says my house is ‘cold’…..as in stark with not enough ‘stuff’.

It’s a way of being and a way of living with the amount of inventory that you can personally manage. And that’s different for everyone. If someone saw my worktop, they would think ‘well that’s not minimalist’. But that’s not what minimalism is - it’s not whether I have my toaster on the side or my airfryer on the side or whether I have too many utensils in my utensil jar. To someone else, yes, I might have a lot of wooden spoons but for me, and the meals we cook, it’s the number I need/ive chosen to keep.

I have the same hairdryer I bought in Germany in 2003. There is only one. It works so why replace it? I have a ‘hair drawer’ where I keep it in the kitchen - along with 3 trays of hair clips, bobbles, and dry shampoo. My bedroom is probably the most minimal in the house. There is the bed, 2 bedside tables with just a lamp on, wardrobe and DH’s slim wardrobe and two chests of drawers. One chair by the window and a tv. No stuff is on display other than 3 books and my deodorant and perfume.

Instead of wondering where to start….just start. Put a timer on say for 15 mins and tidy out one drawer for example. If your head is at the place it needs to be to start this journey, you’ll keep going . You’ll get a really fresh, freeing feeling too - that also helps motivate and spur you on. Also think about when you were a child - what stuff did you have? I bet it was a lot less than we have today. Try to think about what our grandparents homes would have looked like - how little they lived with and managed.

I watched ‘The Minimal Mom’ and ‘The Scandish Home’ on YouTube - both who specifically talk about living a simple, uncluttered life.
I would say The Minimal Mom would be the best channel to watch - she wasn’t always minimal and she has 4 kiddos. She’s fun to watch and listen to and she has made some brilliant videos- which delve into the bigger picture and smaller projects, like say Paperwork.

Yes - consumption and possessions are the key factors.
If someone doesn’t care about those two things, the journey will be harder to start i think.

I was going to ask what your version minimalism is, but you e already answered that. I wouldn’t say you are actually a minimalist, just someone who has had a declutter. You could say by definition that people living in poverty are minimalists.