I am married to someone with a stoma AMA

[ColinRobinsonsFart]

My husband has had a colostomy for over four years.
This can affect relationships- either positively or negatively.
Ours is positive but I know of some marriages that have collapsed due to the stoma.
Ask away!

In the marriages you've seen that have failed, what do you think the reason is? Is it due to intimacy? I can imagine it being a hard thing to get used to.. although I like to think if my DP had a stoma I could see past it.

I can imagine it's a big turn off to some ( both sides) but DH and I have no issues.

Does it affect sex? I understand you can see past it but I mean do you have do things differently/more carefully etc?

Nope.
When DH was trying out different bags, one of the criteria was 'does it sound like a crisp packet?'
The ones he has now are 'whisper quiet 😉). He also makes sure he changes his bag before he gets in bed but tbh thats so he reduces the risk of an accident!
Apart from that nothing has changed. We don't need to be careful but as we are 60 we are not at it like rabbits anymore!!

My ex had a stoma. It didn't fail because of the stoma, it failed because he hit me

@thesnailandthewhale what a bastard... 💐

Thanks xx He only got the chance to do it once. I didn't look back :)

Is it literally he has an opening into his skin directly to his stomach? Is this safe for him not catching infections? Is he bleeding? Is he in pain?

A hole was made in his abdomen on the left side. The end of his bowel was stitched so it slightly comes out of the hole. The stitches dissolved a long time ago. It looks like the inside of your mouth.
It does sometimes bleed - bit like when you wipe your bum too hard. But he says it doesn't hurt. The skin can get sore ( like if you don't clean your bum properly) and itchy.
He had sepsis and nearly died when he had his operation ( called a Hartman's) as an emergency.

Is it possible for your husband to have a reversal? I had emergency surgery last year due to sepsis and ended up with a stoma directly under my bellybutton. I’m hoping to get it reversed on Monday, if the surgeon is unable to reverse it he’s going to move it to a better place.

Good morning!

Awake at this hour due to emergency bag change!

Re reversal

We have spoken to his surgeon. Reversal would probably not be successful. He has little rectal stump and is a terrible anaesthetic risk. So we have decided to stay as he is. Bowel wise he is the healthiest he has ever been.

And good luck @Berlinlover !

Are you back in bed yet @Berlinlover ? Hope everything has gone well today

Hi @ColinRobinsonsFart They were able to reverse my stoma 😊 It’s so strange looking down at my stomach and no bag there. Hopefully the reversal will be a success and I won’t have to have a stoma again for any reason. Thank you for remembering me today.

Oh I am glad it went well!
Just think you don't need to know about flanges, pancaking and removal spray any more!

Gentle hugs ....