EUPD/BPD

[PinkChampange]

I've noticed a few threads about eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) which is also known as borderline personality disorder

My fiancè has been diagnosed with this and I thought if anyone had any questions about being with someone or dealing with someone with it I may (or may not) be able to help.

So as a women whose fiancè has it. AMA. (:

Do you get frustrated with the extreme switch of moods?
(I ask this as I am sufferer of BPD and bipolar 2)

Sometimes I do. But I try not to let him know as I'm aware he doesn't do it intentionally. I know it's down to his condition so I let him know I love him. I give him a hug/kiss and tell him I'm there for him when he's ready. Usually he comes to me when he's ready or If he doesn't want to be physically touched I talk to him and send him messages on WhatsApp. X

How clear are you on the line between abuse and his condition?

Do you mean abuse he suffered?
All I can go by is what he's told me. But after doing research on the condition I'm aware a lot of it stems from childhood trauma.

Does he punish others in heat of moment? Firing off unwise messages etc? Does he find it hard to get over heartbreak? What was his childhood like?

I wouldn't say he punishes people. Not him personally but he can say things in the heat of the moment and his tone can sometimes be quite nasty or mean. But I know that he doesn't mean to sound that way. And if I pointed it out to him (which I did in the beginning) he gets extremely upset and apologetic. Yes getting over heartbreak isn't easy for him as he has abandonment issues. In his head he always feels someone is going to leave he pushes away before people can leave. - I have to tell him multiple times a day I'm not leaving him - as for his childhood he went into foster care as a young child and wasn't treated the best there either so he learned to look after himself from a young age, suppressing his emotions and using violence and aggression instead. Hes not violent anymore he still knows right from wrong.

How and when was he diagnosed? Did he accept the diagnosis initially?

Just bobbing on to say I have diagnosed EUPD. And psychosis, depression, GAD, CPTSD, ADHD.

I'm interested in following this thread to see what people ask/say. Hope that's okay!

Not that long ago to be honest. About a couple years ago. Hes always had issues but he's never understood why he felt the way he did. It was always put down to other things.
He got sectioned and was diagnosed in hospital.
He accepted the diagnosis as it finally gave him some answers and he's able to get the help he needs.

Of course it's okay. I hope you find it useful and I'd love to hear any input you have. X

What unacceptable behaviour towards yourself do you let slide because of the condition? Can it all be blamed on the condition?

There isn't much. He's never been physically or sexually abusive to me.
He still knows right from wrong but I probably let slide the tone of his voice and some of the things he says that are a little hurtful. Whereas if it was someone without the condition I probably would snap back. I agree about not blaming everything on his condition though.

Does it act and behave the same around everyone? Or do only certain people “trigger” him?

What responsibility and actions does he take to manage his symptoms on an ongoing basis?

Does he accept that he has to put in effort and work to achieve optimal functioning or does he think that his diagnosis is an excuse to be a dick and never have to take accountability for his actions? (I have professional experience of dealing with BPD patients and unfortunately most that I have met fall into the latter category and live chaotic lives lurching from crisis to crisis never really accepting accountability for their behaviour and never making any significant improvements with their symptom management. Of course there are exceptions but they are few and far between).

Personally I would never choose to be in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder or PD traits (before diagnosis). It simply wouldn't be an equal partnership and I couldn't live with the mood swings and volatility.

No he has triggers. Some people he won't be around because he can't face them. He knows he'd do something he shouldn't so he avoids them. But also has people that he will just be happy around because he doesn't want to show them his condition or so he tells me. He's always said he feels safe with me and feels like he doesn't have to put on a face if that makes sense.

He's medicated and working with a psychiatric doctor to work forward with getting the correct medication and dosage.

He takes full responsibility for his actions. Hes doesn't use his condition to be a dick. Or do things he wouldn't usually do. As said previously he still knows right from wrong.

A lot of people have told me I shouldn't be with him because of his condition but I love him I can't help who I fall in love with. And I want to support him as best I can. I would never judge someone based on their mental health or condition. He just needs a lot more than what a standard relationship would.

As for going from crisis to crisis we deal with things as they come.

"I would never judge someone based on their mental health or condition."

It's not about judgement. Obviously the reasons why someone ends up developing EUPD are not their fault but the management of their symptoms on an ongoing basis by engaging with appropriate therapies, medication compliance, attending appointments, meaningful self reflection and self help work etc is 100% their responsibility.

How ironic you judge everyone who has BPD to be a dick.
We are not all the same as "working with people who have this condition" you should know this...
We can't help having this condition as you "should" also know, with you being a health professional should also know this condition mainly stems from childhood trauma.
We are not dicks, we have an extremely hard time to control our emotions and sometimes this comes across that we are horrible people who speak/treat people like shit, with that said we should take accountability for our actions ( I certainly do)
For someone who "deals" with patients with this condition, you are coming across with someone with no compassion.

Wow there are some really unpleasant undertones on this thread

In all due respect your comment did sound like you were tarnishing everyone with the condition as a dick. But maybe I read that wrong?

My fiance is one of the most loving and loyal, caring people you could ever meet. But the condition he has just means he has a harder time dealing with things. And that's okay. BPD and eupd isn't something to be scared off or put off by. I love him for him and I deal with his mood swings. But he is by no means a dick. Just maybe a bit unpredictable at times but not in a violent way.

Sorry I'm not sure what you mean by this comment? Is that from my answers or peoples questions? I'm trying to be as honest as I can. But sorry if my post has offended x

Is he able to work and how difficult is it for him?

Yes he is. But he does struggle to hold down a job. He changes quite often. Thankfully he is eligible for pip as the condition is classed as a disability. So this comes in handy for him when he has to be signed off or is between jobs.

Geez, there are some judgemental comments on here!

I'm 52, had MH issues since I was 14. I've only been properly diagnosed since developing psychosis 2yrs ago. (Sorry OP, I'm railroading your thread!) My mum always likened me to the Billy Joel song, 'Extremes'.

If your DP is the same, OP, he doesn't just get sad or upset, it's the end of the world. A comment that anyone could make in passing and not be registered by 'normal' people ends up in distress, tears, utter misery. When something makes you laugh, you don't just chuckle, you literally howl with laughter. You can sob at a news article, be the life of the party when you're with friends. It's exactly the same emotions that everyone has, but they are magnified by 100. We literally FEEL life, we don't just live.

Anyway, sorry about that! For butting in! I shall shuffle back off into my corner and I apologise! Sorry OP!

Not from you op. From some of the posters on here who clearly have only one view of people diagnosed with EUPD.