EUPD/BPD

[PinkChampange]

I've noticed a few threads about eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) which is also known as borderline personality disorder

My fiancè has been diagnosed with this and I thought if anyone had any questions about being with someone or dealing with someone with it I may (or may not) be able to help.

So as a women whose fiancè has it. AMA. (:

Please don't apologise you've literally hit the nail on the head and summarised it so much better than I could have. Thank you so much for your input. X

Oh what an excellent thread, OP! I have quite a few questions if you don’t mind.

Does your partner talk to you (or others) about his feelings and emotions or is he embarrassed and masking a lot?

Can you tell when he is in a bad phase and maybe heading towards a blow up?

Does he self harm at all?

What led to him being diagnosed and what sort of therapy does he engage in?

Do you sometimes feel alone and overwhelmed when he has a bad episode?

Asking as a partner to a EUPD sufferer and this is fairly new to me so I appreciate the opportunity to ask questions 😊

My friend with BPD doesn’t seem to recognise that other people can also have intense emotions and problems dealing with them, and that the ‘giving’ required to keep her balance has quite a toll. I know she’s cut someone out of her life before for trying to explain that it can be asymmetrical but it can’t be completely unreciprocal. I can manage to sustain a friendship because I can take space when I need it, and I do like many things about her, but I think a romantic relationship with someone similar would slowly destroy my sense of self completely. Do you have other people for support or are you just very sure of your own boundaries and needs? Or does it wear you down?

Hi, I will answer these as best I can.

Does your partner talk to you (or others) about his feelings and emotions or is he embarrassed and masking a lot?

• he talks to me a lot... but maybe not at the time he's having a bad day but he will definitely tell me after the episode. Or he'll message me. But usually he doesn't even know himself why he is feeling what he's feeling. I just reassure him I'm there for him if he needs me and wants to talk

Can you tell when he is in a bad phase and maybe heading towards a blow up?
No I can't. It just happens. He can be absolutely fine one minute then turn* and that can last a few hours days or weeks. Hes currently in an episode right now he is what's known as splitting. I just tell him I love him and reassure him I won't leave him.*

Does he self harm at all?
Yes he does. Unfortunately nothing I say can stop him doing it either he tells me he just gets an urge to do it and he has to do it.

What led to him being diagnosed and what sort of therapy does he engage in?
He had a suicide attempt. And was sectioned. The hospital diagnosed him. He's not in therapy but he does see a CMHT and has support from a local mental health branch. He is medicated though

Do you sometimes feel alone and overwhelmed when he has a bad episode?
Sometimes I feel useless. And I have sat and cried. But I always know deep down he's not doing it to hurt me he can't help it. So I have my cry and get on with it. I also have a lot of support from my mum. But mostly I just carry on as normal as for him personally that works best than me trying to fuss over him. I'm sure there are support groups out theee I've just never looked into it to be honest. But* if your dp has it look into PIP as he should be eligible.
*
Hope this helps (:

I have support from my mum. But with BPD/EUPD there is no grey area.
It's very black and white.

I'm quite a strong person. But I do sometimes need to have some me time and I have a little cry. But he's good and he lets me go and have an hour to myself ect x

Does he have high IQ?

In your experience are there positives to the comdition?

I generally couldn't tell you what his IQ is. 🙈

As for the positives. Hes the most loyal loving and caring man I've ever met.

@PinkChampange
Thank you!

Is your fiancée very impulsive or does he have good self-control?

Can he tell if he is heading towards an episode?

He is impulsive if he gets an idea in his head he has to act on it. Hes calmed down a little since being with me but he has no control with finances. I tend to do a lot of the money side of things.

And no his episodes just Happen. He will avoid certain people or situations if he knows they trigger him but he's still not 100% sure what all his triggers are. X

Thank you. And I wish you both all the best btw :)

OP,
Thank you for this thread! You sound like a lovely person.
Can I ask what medication he is on?
What advice would you give to someone who could potentially be a carer to a child with BPD?

Xx

Has he had DBT? If not I recommend it :)

How do you protect/preserve your own mental health?

And there's a perfect example of the stigmatisation of EUPD by mental health professionals.... maybe if you/the system were able to provide better support, your service would be achieving better outcomes. And maybe if there were better support services for children there wouldn't be so many so traumatised they ended up with EUPD. EUPD is a horrible mental health condition to have. These people are in pain. And for you, as someone who works with these people, to talk about them in such a dismissive, judgemental way because of how the symptoms of their condition affect them is fucking disgusting.

You sound like a really lovely person OP. Make sure you are looking after you too though. I have mental health issues (not EUPD) and am aware it can be really hard on my DH so am always conscious of encouraging him to take plenty of self-care and time away from me if needed, and of course provide support for him too when I am capable. Even if it can't be completely equal and not done in exactly in the same way, in a healthy relationship, support has to go both ways.

He's on quetiapine and citalapram. But in regular contact with his mental health team for different dosages and different medications

For a child all I would say is listen carefully. And don't dismiss things as bad behaviour. There could be more to it than meets the eye. I have no expertise in children but I believe there is something called CAMHS? That may be able to help

Hope this helps x

What is DBT? X

I'm on medication myself, I also go horse riding and I'm around my horses a lot. As well as drawing, colouring and being outside.
I have a lot of support from my mum as well x

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/treatment/

It's the gold standard psychotherapy for people with BPD/EUPD, with a very high success rate. People who go through DBT often can stop meeting the criteria for BPD diagnosis.

Amazing thank you I will definitely check this out and show my fiance.

My experience with someone with BPD was that they engaged in a lot of splitting - either I was wonderful or I was the worst person in the world. Do you worry about the idealisation / devaluation split and whether he would do it to you?

He does split and quite often it's the same. But I know deep down he loves me so I try and work through it. It's his tone sometimes that gets me and I do crumble and break. But I have a moment then I'm back to it

@TheYear2000
Have you had DBT?
If so, was it NHS or private?
Would be grateful if you could shared details.

Xx

I was referred for it on the nhs but it was at a time I couldn't make, so I ended up going private. It has honestly transformed my life. I did it through mind-reframed, based in london but they do it online too (which worked for me well, with Covid etc). I highly recommend DBT and that provider specifically.