I'm an Orthodox Jewish Woman, ask me anything.

[Jewishbookwork]

On the thread @Israelilefty started, people were asking about Orthodox Judaism. So I am starting (another) one here. Other Orthodox Jewish women are welcome to answer too, so we have more of a range of answers.

I am Chabad Chasidic, we are very religious - I wear a wig, my husband wears black and white and we have lots of books in hebrew in our house.

No, because the ones you are seeing on instagram or social media are the ones that are worth posting!

equivalent is looking at instagram for Christian holidays, I might assume you need to do all the lights and the matching pjs, and the perfect gift wrapping, and the crackers, and Christmas themed dinner wear, and house decor and elf in the shelf and daily calendar and a tonne of other stuff, all to the max, but obviously that’s just the influencer /insta version, and everyone finds their happy (or not so happy judging by mindset!) medium.

our stuff tends to get eaten on the day (I let my kids go loose on Purim lol) and any leftover, if it is sweets and other foods that are non perishable there are collections for families who are poor and we give some of it away to that

it’s a great outlet for people who are creative. Sometimes I have matched my kids, mostly now they pick costumes from the dressing up box. One of my kids adores junk modelling so he made (himself) a vendor machine costume.

there is zero requirement for a theme or to go all out. The mitzva of mishloach manos is to send one person (per adult) 2 ready to eat foods. Some years my husband and I have just brought food to a joint Seuda (meal) we attended and just made lots of little ones for the kids. I quite enjoy creative things, but don’t have time or budget to be fancy, and don’t love giving junk food, so one year I made those little butterfly snack bags, and another year we did mini robots, and this year I had no energy or time and we did brown paper bags and printed labels… every year is different.

this kind of thing:

@EllaDisenchanted they are so lovely, I might steal the robot idea! Do you just superglue the bits together? I didn't realize the requirement was so little that sounds very doable.

@istoodonlegoagain I just hot glued it but superglue should work too I think

I just watched a bris millah video of someone I follow. It couldn't be done for one month due to him being premature. She mentioned that the name is revealed then. Does that mean that no one knew his name for one month, even close family? Also is there something about not telling people you are pregnant or acknowledging it until close to birth?

Weddings, not sure if i said in previous post - we spent about $25000 on the wedding day itself, split between bride and grooms family 50/50. (including venue, food, flowers, video, photographer) This did not include alcohol, the venue let us bring our own, one of us (i think grooms father) bought a couple of cases of wine and some spirits. Most religious women don't drink a lot, some religious men do. I might drink a glass of wine at a wedding but hate any other alcohol. also tons of the guests at religious weddings are kids and therefore don't drink.

Lots of people spend lots more than this, some people spend much less. I went to a wedding recently in London that was really no frills and it was lovely. Synagogue hall, basic food, they had to move the tables aside at the end of the meal to dance. I don't know how much they spent though and it was pretty untypical.

We don't do stag/hen dos. The shabbat before the wedding the bride and groom will have very low key seperate parties - auf ruf for grrom and Shabbat Kallah for bride. seperate because bride and groom don't see each other the week before the wedding. (some people make a bigger deal of the grooms thing, we don't). I spent about $300 on fruit, cakes, etc and a relative hosted in her home, and a bunch of friends/family came over.

After the wedding there are Sheva Brachot, and those can be expensive. Usually family and friends host them and its just the bride groom and immediate family but sometimes people will make bigger ones. For example one of my relatives had a really big sheva brachot (catered, in a hall) in his hometown for family members and friends who couldn't make it overseas to his wedding.

Me and my siblings usually host a sheva brachot for each niece/nephew who gets married

yes, you wouldn't tell people the name in that case. (except maybe for birth cert)

We don't tell people we are pregnant until the 5th month. (chabad custom) Except people you need for support, like your mother, drs, etc. This is for fear of miscarriage I think.

Maybe some people don't tell the whole pregnancy, (I know one person like this) not sure if that is a religious thing or they still think it is 1843.

We waited until the third month to tell, although told close family (parents some grandparents) before and I told a couple of close friends. My reasoning was if I had miscarried I’d want their support anyway.

Re the fear of miscarriage, is there a lot of superstition in Judaism? One Sefardi woman I follow says her husband's family are extremely superstitious, but is that just them or is it within the religion? She says 'bli ayn harra' after saying good things which I believe is supposed to repel the evil eye?
Re the shevo brochos. Do you just tell the bride and groom you are going to be hosting or do they ask? Is it a race to get in there first?

So are you saying that the men crack on spending money while the women try to mitigate the cost?

not sure where you got that from my post?

Generally the brides mother arranges the wedding but I suppose all parents will have an input on how much they want to spend. In our case it was as little as possible. :)

Sheva Brachot/brachos - usually friends or relatives will offer to host and the family and bride and groom decide if they want to accept. With us one friend and one relative offered to host, the grooms family hosted some of them, we hosted one, and one of their relatives hosted one. We skipped a couple - the newlyweds preferred not to party every single day. We turned down some of the people who offered due to lack of time.

They are usually more like casual dinner parties than big fancy things. They might be in a restaurant or small hall but most often in peoples houses. One of ours was chinese takeout in a rented room.

I've had a few miscarriages 😢Nothing superstitious, just unfortunate and heartbreaking. The sephardi community are very into superstitions and the evil eye so that makes sense.

Sorry I seem to be keeping this thread going 😳 but if any of you wear a wig, how do you wash and set it yourself? And do you have one of those fake heads things to set your wig on at night?

I wear a wig. I have 2 wigs, one is a little more glamourous than the other so I try to keep that one for Shabbos and events like weddings. I used to give my wig in to a hair/wig stylist to be washed every 2 months or so. But it costs a small fortune when doing it regularly, £20-£30 for a wash and set, so I learnt how to wash and style them myself. Best investment! I wash it with warm water in the sink, invested in decent shampoo, conditioner, and a hair mask and I wash it carefully in the direction of the hair. You can't scrub the hair of a wig like you would to regular hair because its more delicate. I let it air dry and then usually create some beach waves or texture with a hot curler.
Yes I've got one of those fake polystyrene heads for my wigs.

I hope you position the fake wig head for maximum middle-of-the-night loo-trip creepiness/shock factor when you've got guests.

No joke, one of my kids went through a stage of being terrified of them so they are kept in my cupboard 🙈
my grandma put eyeliner on hers 😅
I also wash my own wigs, although I often just let them dry naturally. Much cheaper, they don’t get washed as often as hair in your head, so if I invest in a recent shampoo and conditioner that is still less than the cost of one wash and set and it lasts for a fine of washes.

Re the wigs when I hit the menopause I perspired so much and still do when heavy cleaning like this morning my scalp just drips so i scrunch it up off my face neck in an alligator clip. . Wearing a wig indoors would finish me off.

I rarely wear a wig indoors unless I’m on a work call. I usually wear a pre tied bandana which is light and comfortable.
I’m also currently changing an old wig (about 10 years old I think) into a pony tail wig so I can tie it up in the summer and wear it with a cap.

Thanks for the wig chat 😊 When I first starting following Jewish accounts I was shocked it wasn't their real hair as they were so realistic, now I can spot a wig a mile away 🤣. A few weekends ago I was out shopping and I strongly suspected a woman with her back to me had a wig on. When she turned around she had no eyelashes and her eyebrows were pencilled on so I assume she was having chemo. Now I realize no matter how good a wig is, there's always something about how the hair is parted gives it away, it just doesn't look natural. A fall with a hat is much more convincing though.
How do you feel about having your hair covered all of the time? If I wear a hat for a few hours my hair is literally stuck to my head, if it was covered all the time I'm sure it would be so lifeless.

I wash (and dye) some of my wigs myself, but not my most recent purchase, which has a lace front. I am rubbish at stuff like that so I take it to someone to wash.

No Jewish wigmakers here (we call them sheitelmachers which ilterally means wigmaker in yiddish, altho nowadays most wigs are made abroad) so i take to a place which caters to chemo and alopecia patients. Although I am too scared to get my lace front one done locally, I only get it washed by someone who has done one before.

I have a few polystyrene fake heads. Anyone staying with me would be used to seeing them lol but they are kept in my room.

I wear a wig at work, I am used to it and I don't find it too hot but the minute i get home off comes my wig and shoes. On with tichel and birkenstocks.

I can also tell a wig on people even if they are not Jewish. But the new lace top/lace front wigs are very very hard to tell.

I have a few polystyrene fake heads. Anyone staying with me would be used to seeing them lol but they are kept in my room.

Perhaps you need to get creative with the locations.

Peeking through from behind a row of books. Lurking inside the laundry basket. Suspended inside a wardrobe so they suddenly swing out when the door's opened — perhaps triggering a device which plays a recording of a blood-curdling scream. Mounted on an elaborate spring and track system so they slowly emerge from their hiding place to appear unbidden on a bedside table in the middle of the night. Inside the fridge. The possibilities are endless.

What's the rationale of keeping hair covered all the time at home? I assumed it's because hair is only for husband, but then someone said even alone with husband in the house you'd cover it.

Also are there any countries/cities you'd like to visit but feel you can't due to lack of kosher food/workspaces? I watched a vlog of a family who went on holiday and rented a holiday home and they had to kasher the kitchen even though they weren't cooking there. She said something like a non kosher kitchen worktop would render a kosher cup of tea non kosher if the cup was swt on the counter?

Have you seen That Jewish Family ? They're on various social media platforms and YouTube, I believe. They travel a lot so might have some answers for you! I don't personally follow them but have seen a few of their videos.

We can travel anywhere but we'd take with our own kosher food or make sure there are kosher restaurants nearby.
Many popular holiday locations have a Chabad centre/synagogue and they offer kosher meals.
When I go away I take along a mini 2 cooker stove and cook using that (My family has food allergies so I'm used to not relying on takeout). Sometimes I'll take along a slow cooker and put on some chicken/stew in the morning and then its ready for dinner.

I would really love to enjoy the cultural food experience of exotic places. Also, the convenience of being able to buy food whilst on holiday is very enticing.

This is interesting.

My close friend who’s Jewish has never drunk alcohol apart from at her wedding but she doesn’t like the taste, not due to religion.

She didn’t have a hen do either but her DH who’s Catholic had a bucks party. There was no Sheva brachot. We did have a both sexes dinner out at an expensive restaurant before the wedding.

My friend’s mother did organise most of the wedding with a bit of input from my friend but that’s because her DH is Catholic. I don’t think they spent a lot of money but they must have spent a fair amount.

I assume you drive rather than fly if you bring along mini cookers? Where do you go on holiday? I'm now getting ads for Pesach in Salou packages 🤣