Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AMA
Original poster

I am an autistic senior lawyer at an international law firm

72 replies

iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:45

Didn't suspect I was autistic until my thirties, didn't know for sure until my forties. It's pushed me on as much as it's held me back and I'm not yet reconciled to seeing it as a disability. I haven't "come out" yet, but my OH knows. Ask me anything.

OP posts:
user1471548941 · 13/10/2023 21:47

Autistic senior manager in investment banking here. Found out mid 20s. Like you I could attribute some of my biggest successes to autism but also have days where I can barely function.

Ytuu4567 · 13/10/2023 21:51

How did you discover you are autistic? What were the signs?

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:51

user1471548941 · 13/10/2023 21:47

Autistic senior manager in investment banking here. Found out mid 20s. Like you I could attribute some of my biggest successes to autism but also have days where I can barely function.

I am a litigator. Having spent years masking and analysing other people's behaviour in a futile effort to fit in, my special talent is now grading and gaming the responses of ND people to achieve outcomes (but I don't tell them I'm doing it!) I am rubbish at the internal politics though and I swing between feeling confident in my technical ability and exhausted by never quite being one of the gang.

OP posts:
midlifemelancholy · 13/10/2023 21:52

user1471548941 · 13/10/2023 21:47

Autistic senior manager in investment banking here. Found out mid 20s. Like you I could attribute some of my biggest successes to autism but also have days where I can barely function.

What happens on the days you can't function? I suspect I have adhd
I am not successful in my career at all.

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:53

Ytuu4567 · 13/10/2023 21:51

How did you discover you are autistic? What were the signs?

My son had major issues on starting school leading to assessments for him (ASD/ADHD and PDA) and introspection over my own life and difficulties.

OP posts:
INTERNETEXPL0RER · 13/10/2023 21:54

iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:45

Didn't suspect I was autistic until my thirties, didn't know for sure until my forties. It's pushed me on as much as it's held me back and I'm not yet reconciled to seeing it as a disability. I haven't "come out" yet, but my OH knows. Ask me anything.

Why would you see it as a Disability instead of a neurodivergence ?

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:56

@midlifemelancholy I work from home a lot now, which helps. One of my weird obsessions is MCM furniture. I have a forty year old Ercol Armchair that I bought on FB marketplace for £25. I sit in it and drink coffee from a 1970s coffee set. And I lock the door and pretend that I am working. That part of it is more or less the same thing that I did aged 16 when pretending to revise for GCSEs in my bedroom at my parents house.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright2 · 13/10/2023 21:58

My Ds is doing A level suits based on obsession with American law firm .. Do you struggle with interpretation of the law as it isn’t as black and white as it seems .

what attracted you to law ?

midlifemelancholy · 13/10/2023 21:58

When you pretended to revise did you get good grades?

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:59

@INTERNETEXPL0RER because I am a lawyer and understand the legal definition of disability. It is something that has created difficulty for me all my life. The difficulty accepting it as a disability is, I think, more about conditioning in an ableist society (shame). I don't want to be ashamed though, and am working on that.

OP posts:
XelaM · 13/10/2023 22:05

I work for a major international law firm and my colleague (in litigation) is quite evidently autistic, but extremely high functioning. He is absolutely superb at his job - incredible attention to detail and an unbelievable understanding of very complex technical detail. He's also lovely (but a little awkward). I love working with him. He's actually my favourite colleague.

CrazyChooks · 13/10/2023 22:05

I am interested in this because I strongly suspect I am also autistic. I’m not sure what benefits being diagnosed would give me though, other that knowing why I do certain things or think certain ways.

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:11

@Starlightstarbright2 I wish your son good fortune. I do not struggle with interpretation. I am ranked in Chambers and Partners as one of the best in my field in my City. I have verbal dexterity and verbal reasoning skills that exceed the average. My issues are more social. I struggle with certain things that I can hide. I cannot make useful written notes for toffee, but I can compose prose, text and argument. I am also unabashed at taking difficult positions that require confrontation. I am not as worried what the other side think of me, or whether they like me, unlike NT peers. I became a lawyer, to be honest, for the money and prestige. I was fiesty as a youngster, from a working class place where aspiration was in short supply, and wanted to prove to everyone and everything that I could do it, hold my own and succeed. It nearly killed me though. At one point as a junior associate, about 10 years ago, I became very depressed and almost suicidal. I stopped taking it so seriously after that, and realised that litigation is basically gambling with someone else's money, but the house always wins. And big law firms are the house. They always get paid, never mind the outcome.

OP posts:
Helpusnow23 · 13/10/2023 22:11

If I can ask please, were you happy as a teen? If not, what would have made a difference? What could those around you have done differently to help?
Asking as a parent to an autistic teen!

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:15

midlifemelancholy · 13/10/2023 21:58

When you pretended to revise did you get good grades?

I underachieved at GCSE. Good enough to move forward, but I know now that I was hobbled by certain aspects/expectations of the exam process (like having to hand write my answers). I lack skill there, because I cannot coordinate my dominant hand in that way very well. Luckily technology has solved that for me with typing and speech to text dictation.

OP posts:
Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:16

XelaM · 13/10/2023 22:05

I work for a major international law firm and my colleague (in litigation) is quite evidently autistic, but extremely high functioning. He is absolutely superb at his job - incredible attention to detail and an unbelievable understanding of very complex technical detail. He's also lovely (but a little awkward). I love working with him. He's actually my favourite colleague.

Is that you Jane? I'll see you on Monday 🤓.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright2 · 13/10/2023 22:17

Thank you for your reply … what a journey you have been on..

XelaM · 13/10/2023 22:18

iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:16

Is that you Jane? I'll see you on Monday 🤓.

Show quote history

Haha no sorry 😂

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:20

CrazyChooks · 13/10/2023 22:05

I am interested in this because I strongly suspect I am also autistic. I’m not sure what benefits being diagnosed would give me though, other that knowing why I do certain things or think certain ways.

For me, it is about being at peace with myself. I am who I am. I have always known since childhood that my perceptions are different to most of those around me. I've denied it, tried to train it away, and have tried to push it under the carpet for most of my life. But now I can't be bothered with any of that. It's liberating.

OP posts:
smileyplant · 13/10/2023 22:22

Gosh I could have written this. I'm on my way home from a big fancy dinner which I've left because I'm just so awkward socially. I was diagnosed last year and I too am struggling with it. I'm quite senior because of my technical ability especially for my age but I'm really struggling with the social bits! I'm quite good as masking in a small group but really struggle at the bigger events!

Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:25

Helpusnow23 · 13/10/2023 22:11

If I can ask please, were you happy as a teen? If not, what would have made a difference? What could those around you have done differently to help?
Asking as a parent to an autistic teen!

I was not happy as a teen. Teenagers want so desperately to fit in. But my biography would be subtitled, square peg, round hole. If you want to help your son, just make sure he knows he is loved and has a safe place called home, and that he can be whoever he wants to be without shame or judgment. Not everyone will get him, some will laugh at him, but they don't laugh at you in your forties when you make it. If he has trouble with bullies, remember that he will leave them behind, and has the capacity for a massive open life, but they will always be small town.

OP posts:
Original poster
iamautistic · 13/10/2023 22:31

smileyplant · 13/10/2023 22:22

Gosh I could have written this. I'm on my way home from a big fancy dinner which I've left because I'm just so awkward socially. I was diagnosed last year and I too am struggling with it. I'm quite senior because of my technical ability especially for my age but I'm really struggling with the social bits! I'm quite good as masking in a small group but really struggle at the bigger events!

Don't do anything that makes you ill. I stoped bothering with the balls and dinners years ago. There is very little work to be won or prestige to be gained. NT people do like to faff about and display though. The last one I went to was an awards ceremony for a chamber of commerce in a mid sized city. A famous newsreader was handing out "awards" to a cash machine business for its "innovation" (they had paid for the most tickets I think). My autistic brain nearly melted. I was camouflaging so deeply not even the Predator could have spotted me amounts all the dinner suits and glitzy dresses!

OP posts:
Helpusnow23 · 13/10/2023 22:32

Thank you @iamautistic. My teen is a girl. Straight A student and so until we hit a wall, no one suspected anything. I just thought she was good at languages and English. School said nothing (compliant girl, follows the rules) and if they suspected anything did not communicate to me. I feel a failure for not recognising earlier. Your posts have given me a whole lot of hope. Thank you. I wish you much success xx

SweetMary · 13/10/2023 22:38

thank you for allowing us to ask
questions. I have a non speaking autistic 5 year old and I wondered if you have always had speech and if not could you recommend anything that I could
try to help bring speech on? I’m not getting anywhere with SaLTs.

INTERNETEXPL0RER · 13/10/2023 22:39

iamautistic · 13/10/2023 21:59

@INTERNETEXPL0RER because I am a lawyer and understand the legal definition of disability. It is something that has created difficulty for me all my life. The difficulty accepting it as a disability is, I think, more about conditioning in an ableist society (shame). I don't want to be ashamed though, and am working on that.

You said in you first post that it had pushed you on as much as it had held you back. Now you say it’s created difficulty for you all your life . So which one is it ?

Is it possible that part of the difficulty has been caused by you not understanding yourself and why you have the strengths and weakness you have ? Could you change some of your thoughts and actions to mitigate these difficulties ?

Also you say “ it “ as if the autism is something apart from you. But is IS you. It’s not some external thing like a virus or infection. It’s an intrinsic part of who you are, like being a woman ( I’m assuming ). You are not faulty or deficient , just different from average.

The legal definition of disability is there for legal purposes. That doesn’t mean it’s the most helpful way of conceptualising yourself . Anymore that the legal definition of “ mother “ sums up a mother / child relationship.