I am an autistic senior lawyer at an international law firm

[iamautistic]

Didn't suspect I was autistic until my thirties, didn't know for sure until my forties. It's pushed me on as much as it's held me back and I'm not yet reconciled to seeing it as a disability. I haven't "come out" yet, but my OH knows. Ask me anything.

Yes. This will be hard. He has an EHCP and funding for a one to one TA. The headteacher who wished to exclude him thought I was a builder. She may have regretted some of her life decisions on discovering my true vocation. 😂. Same for the chair of governors who is no longer in post. I came down on them and the LA hard. It was profoundly distressing though and depressing that others suffer as they cannot to stand up to power like me. I basically went a bit Liam Neeson with particular set of skills... (without the physical violence). 🫣

Apologies for the typos today. I'm out and about and replying on the move.

Realistically, to have made it to a senior position in professional services you must be very good at masking and able to manage the social interactions pretty well? Is that fair to say or did you find a way to reach senior levels in spite of that?

IME professional services chucks autistic people in the career dustbin no matter how technically brilliant they may be if they struggle to mask/fit in/play social games.

I was just reading that the DofE are changing or maybe already have I wasn’t clear that those diagnosed now will be referred to as having Social, Emotional and Mental Health Needs as opposed to Social, Emotional and behavioural difficulties? I wonder the impact of this on helping or making things worse when seeking a career. I might have misread this though! Sorry if this is moving away from your thread OP x

I once sat at an event with several senior lawyers. One of the junior non-legal staff who was training to be a clinical psychologist got rather drunk and told us all that we were autistic. And then proceeded to place us and our colleagues at various points on the spectrum. She was probably correct but I don't think it was particularly well-received.

Masking and lateral moves to achieve promotions between firms.

I've only ever had one internal promotion within a firm, and that was on threat of a resignation to achieve the same move up elsewhere. It saddens me that this had to be my route up, but you can't spend your life waiting for others to accept you and welcome you in. Bash the doors down or scale the walls by stealth.

Lawyers are the kind of people who like to imagine their beliefs and values are evidenced based and not just assumptions, so most firms have requirements for promotions around BD etc. that are difficult for me, but in reality I think it's little more than a subjective assessment of the person's clubbability. I know of one such "rising star" partner at my own firm. Runs a slightly larger team to mine by overhead, generates half the revenue. Can't do complex work and sends it all to my team. Sits above me in the hierarchy because this person is socially active in the market place (a desirable quality apparently even if it doesn't create actual fees), is active on Social Media (what people think about the person's alpha qualities matters it seems), and gets on with the right people higher up the chain (sponsorship). I hold no ill will to this person, life is too short, but it is unfair.

Thanks for this thread, OP. I'm a (now diagnosed) autistic, mid-level lawyer who identifies with so much of what you've said. The difficulties with authoritarian management styles in particular. I struggled so much during my training at a MC firm, as you can imagine. I'm currently looking for a new role following a constructive dismissal (sex discrimination primarily, but autism definitely played a part) and the thought of having to re-establish myself at a new firm is totally overwhelming.

You might have missed this as you were typing your reply below it, but I'm interested to hear of your assessment/diagnosis experience, and particularly whether your apparent career success impacted your assessment.

I'm not across this change. But don't mind discussing the issues. When the proverbial hit the fan for my son, I was shocked to discover the depth and extent of problems in this country and the hidden crisis of autistic children and school exclusions. There isn't the political will to solve it at the moment because the Conservative Party in its perpetual culture war cannot separate the issue of childhood disability and distressed behaviours from their Victorian ideas about discipline, respect for authority and self-reliance. You had Lee Anderson, their leading intellectual it seems, saying last week that children with ADHD and autism are just bad parents. I do wish they would put him out to pasture and stop presenting him as some sort of working class hero because he once went down a pit as a young man. He is just an idiot who failed in the Labour Party and then found that he was a king amongst worse idiots in the Tories.

If any one is interested in this issue, Google the academic research available from Birmingham University on the effects of school exclusion on autistic children and their parents. It is an outrage.

I admire your very successful career.
What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
Do you have family and friends you enjoy socialising with or do you find that difficult too(given you state you are not comfortable socialising in a work situation).

@Scampuss I am what you would call informally diagnosed. In my thirties, I had a lot of therapy and counselling with a private psychologist, who alerted me to my autistic tendencies (albeit it in soft language about ND and with an emphasis on the more obvious tells around not making eye contact and speaking style / engagement with others). His support was to help me survive on the workplace. I put it in a box and tried to ignore it. That was no longer possible when my son's issues manifested, and I became more educated on the the matter in an effort to help him. I score highly on the self assessment tools available. And I have my own lived experience since childhood to consider. I discussed formal diagnosis briefly with my son's assessing psychologist during his diagnosis. I might go in for formal diagnosis with her when I can afford it (it's a private provider), but I am not sure if I need it at this point. It isn't straight forward to access the NHS sadly, or I would have done it about two years ago. I will admit feeling some queasiness about not having the formal diagnosis to prove myself, but you don't need a doctor to tell you that a man with no legs is disabled. And if you knew me personally, I doubt you'd need a doctor to tell you I am ND.

I am married and have three children. My interests are quite solitary and not very exciting. I am not one of the alphas doing 60 chargeable hours a week, a triathlon at the weekend, hosting parties and still finding time to bake cakes and read bedtime stories five times a week. I had to back off my career when my son's issues reared, and I became more of a carer for him and his siblings to support my wife. I had an understanding manager at the time. My weekends are built around family life. Like many autistic people, I collect information. I don't make lists, but I have a lot of general knowledge about odd subjects. I built a huge extension a few years back. Same as with my career, decided it was going to do it twice as big and for half the cost of everyone else! Didn't work
out that way but I was convinced it would. I'm pretty sure I am not ADHD as I have good executive skills. I suffer mainly from burnouts and occasionally need saving from myself by those around me. I dislike large groups and loud noise. More so as I age. I used to drink heavily as a youngster to self medicate through social situations. Now, I prefer to have a small number of people I can call friends.

Don't give up. And don't value yourself by the judgments of others. Anxiety is the enemy within for people like us. Try affirmations to remind yourself of your qualities. After a bad experience it is hard to imagine it being better or different elsewhere. But it is and can be better. What practice area are you in?

Not the same thing, though I have bipolar in banking and I've managed by not disclosing. Back when I did people assumed I'd take a lot of sick leave (I take below average) or risks.

The rare times I've told people they always respond "Are you sure? You seem really calm and sensible! Are you sure you don't have autism?!"

@user1846385927482658 just a rider to my earlier reply. I end most days exhausted from the effort required to mask. I have found it easier since WFH took off. Virtual interactions through Teams have made it easier for me to understand when it's my turn to speak. I can remember sitting on trains to commute home before the pandemic just completely gone. Mind blown. Both mentally and emotionally.

Thank you @iamautistic. Employment (although apparently not immune to employment issues of my own!)

(Edited to tag OP)

Thank you for sharing. I had it the other way round. In my twenties I thought I might be bi polar, but I'm not. And now I know who I am. It sounds as to though you do to. It is a shame the world isn't ready to accept us as we are just yet. Churchill, as is well known, suffered from major depressive episodes. A different condition again, but evidence that greatness is not constrained by these things.

Have you thought about in house? Not many opportunities for litigators, but lots for employment lawyers, and a change is as good as a rest. I'm not in private practice because it is better. I'm there because that's how it went for me. If you are mid level, you will be desirable to those in house teams. I know lots of in house lawyers who would never go back to private practice in all its macabre glory. Don't lose your confidence. It's all we have and it's what we sell to clients (whether paying or internal stakeholders), meaning their belief in us as advisors.

@iamautistic yes, I'm interviewing mainly in-house at the moment. After everything, I really can't get excited about another PP role. You are right, I have to keep my chin up, thank you. The job search is getting me down, but I'll remember this when I'm feeling crap!

Thank you. I think I probably am somewhere on the spectrum too, though a psychiatrist said there was no point in me being assessed as an adult, last year.

Basically, I masked a lot better until I started WFH. Now I've been fully remote for 18 months. When I meet strangers, I find eye contact a lot more difficult than I did in the past. I'm also more likely to interrupt them, depending on what mood I'm in.

The good thing is several people in my team at work are ND, so it's unofficially accepted.

I've been there. I had a very bad experience like you but broke free. You can too.

@Cola2023 WFH is a double edged sword I find. It's a refuge in one sense, but can also be isolating. I have found it very hard to get the right balance in the new normal of hybrid working, between being in too much or not enough. But when I am in now, I feel the exhaustion more acutely. I think it was there before, but I had become numb/blind to it as it was ever present.

I am having a day of pretending today. Thank god I have talented associates around!