ex-rough sleeper ( female) 2 years out, 20 years in - AMA

[streetsleeper]

It was a while ago, I have been "indoors" nearly 20 years now, but some things have not changed in the experience of rough sleepers, as I know from supporting them. However, I will be answering about my own experience only.

You just go where you feel safest - and that is different for everyone. My friend felt safer in the dark, I felt safer in the light. I don't think wone of us was right and one was wrong, we just each did what we felt most comfortable with

What an inspiration!

I've just looked up Streetlink and they seem to do fabulous work in an effective way. I've donated to them as a direct result of your thread.

Keep happy.

I've heard that homelessness is not what happens when people run out of money (which is what most people assume) but rather what happens when you run out of relationships. Would you agree with that?

You are amazing. I have done a tiny bit of work with homeless people and as I understand things rain is a massive issue for them. I wanted to ask about the first room you called your own (I guess this was in a hall of residence) and how you felt about it.

Of the top of my head, sunscreen, sun hats, woolly hats, gloves, handwarmers, socks, disinfectant hand gel, masks, wetwipes, tissues, all might be appreciated by different people in different situations.

Do you have first aid equipment available, either for use on the premises or taking away? Things like blister plasters, disinfectant wipes, dressings,

of course some of these things may fall totally outside your remit

Do you ever sometimes find home completely overwhelming?

i lived in my car for a year and I had been in and out of care as a teenager, and I still sometimes drive the car to one of my old spots and sleep in it for the night, and it always the best sleep! I like having a corner tv cabinet and all the other things i never thought id have but I find it too much and tbh enjoy sort of running away sometimes, do you get that feeling?

Yes! I think that is why I enjoy camping and backpacking so much.

Hi OP, you sound like an amazing person, really inspirational. Can I ask, when you were sleeping rough, what kept you motivated? e.g. did you always have your sights set on university and getting yourself out of the situation you found yourself in?

Also (sorry for two questions!), when you applied to university, were you open with them about your situation?

Yes, I always intended to go to university, and I didn't realise at the time that it was unlikely from my starting point! I didn't see why not really. I never saw a dividing line between homeless and not homeless. I just thought I had hit a bad patch, I didn't class myself as long term homeless, just a normal person having a run of bad luck.

I think that is the difference between me and lots of the homeless people I meet now. It is a big psychological divide, and once you class your self as homeless, it is difficult to think of yourself as anything else.

No, I didn't mention being homeless when I applied. I did consider it to be private, and not exactly edifying. I didn't think I would be more likely to get a university place if I admitted it. I was an effectively an orphan though, so I was considered independent, without parental support.

can you actually sleep at night deeply or are you forever a light sleeper because of it

Just wanted to say I'm sorry society failed your amazing, brave, talented friend. Sorry.

I don't have any trouble sleeping, and can literally sleep on a stone floor without padding. I do wake up regularly throughout the night. It isn't a problem, I just go back to sleep again

Thanks for replying, OP. I'll hold my hands up and say that I know very little about homelessness and rough sleeping so your answers are really interesting.

Thank you x

In the past I've wanted to give duvets or books to local homeless people. Would this have helped or have been patronising/they have enough?

Where do the dogs come from - who breeds them? They are always so well behaved.

I actually don't care if they spend it on drugs or alcohol. If it makes their day a little bit easier for them then fine by me

This is very interesting thread, you sound like a very strong and inspirational person

Hi OP, if not to insensitive to ask (please don't feel like you have to answer)
Are you still in contact with anyone from your past? family, teachers, school friends...

Congratulations on making a success of your life 👏 ✨️

I'm sorry about your friend OP

Do your children know about what you've been through? How old were they when you told them (if so) and how did the conversation go?

@Justfornow28

I also slept in my car but only for two months. I had a job but I needed to leave the house I was renting with my ex and it took me that time to get out of the lease. I didn’t tell anyone as I was so embarrassed and still had a job, I’d arrive early and shower there and wash my clothes in a laundrette.

I would park in various places and once slept on a residential street (I didn’t usually sleep there as I didn’t want anyone passing by to peer in) and looked at the lights on in the houses hoping it would be me cosy and indoors one day. But in a weird was I was also cosy in my car so I know what you mean. Where did you used to park your car? I got moved on occasionally.

OP, thank you for sharing. I think it’s right when someone said you run out of relationships rather than money. Many of us don’t have family that we can turn to when times are tough.

I recently read somewhere (annoyingly I can’t remember where) that to avoid homelessness you need either money or friends/family who will help you. It’s when people have neither that they end up homeless.

RIP your friend @streetsleeper.

Well done you for getting through.

Whenever I read a thread on here where the OP describes her ‘partner’ hitting or shoving her teenage son or daughter, I pray for them to get out. There’s been one in the last day or two.
I know what it’s like to be so desperate to get away from a person, any alternative is attractive.

Thank you for opening your home to others in need. I imagine you as a really grounded person who keeps life’s ups and downs in perspective.

@Fantina same here. When I was doing it there weren’t anywhere near as many CCTV cameras. Industrial estates were good places but no good these days.

i used to favour countryside car parks/lay-bys. I’d sleep in the driver’s seat so that if anyone rapped on the window, I just used to drive straight off.