ex-rough sleeper ( female) 2 years out, 20 years in - AMA

[streetsleeper]

It was a while ago, I have been "indoors" nearly 20 years now, but some things have not changed in the experience of rough sleepers, as I know from supporting them. However, I will be answering about my own experience only.

Echoing @Edemummy 's question - what do you do when you see a rough sleeper now? How hard is it ti walk past? What do you do?

This is so interesting. I'm really in awe of you OP.

If you don't mind me asking. Did you ever turn to drugs just to keep warm and take the edge off? Also what is your opinion on narrow minded people who think homeless people are all crack heads etc?

I'm glad you're happy and safe x

I wasn't sleeping rough the whole time during A levels, it went in cycles. Threats or violence at home, run away , with as much cash as I could find, clothing, a bag of food from the kitchen if I could, and a sleeping bag. To local rough ground, which I liked, because it was crunchy to walk on, and I could hear if anyone approached me, even with my eyes shut. There was a place, not a cave, but a sort of stone corner in the hillside, which gave some shelter, and also a second world war concrete construction of some sort that was locked, but I found a way in through a hole in the floor at the back. There was water inside, but it was sometimes better if the wind was really cold. I used to leave a sleeping bag hidden in one of these places. I would go to school, I kept a wash bag in my locker. I used to get in really early, with one of the cleaners, who used to take me into the staffroom, and give me coffee and biscuits. I think a lot of other cleaners probably thought I was a cleaner myself. I'd get a school dinner if I had the money. After school I might wash my clothes, if I had a spare set. I used to take a shower with my actual clothes on, and scrub them, then change. I used to leave the wet clothes in school on the radiators, and collect them again early next morning. Sooner or later word would get round that I was sleeping rough again, and somebody would offer me a bed, sometimes even a teacher - that would not happen now! or a school friend, then someone would speak to my family, and I would go home until it all happened again.

Thanks for answering @streetsleeper

I'm so sorry you sound so brave

Why didn't the teachers help you via safeguarding? You should have been found a safe foster home or supported accommodation to live in!

I don't remember coming into contact with any specific charities as such, most of the tangible help I received for the 18 months I was out all the time was through churches, who offered meals, shelter and sometimes a bed.

Books! actually a couple of people offered me books to read, especially when I was sheltering in big main line stations, that was great!

I can't think of any "unhelpful" help. I didn't attract much help because a lot of the time I didn't look homeless, I think, just another bus passenger, or person waiting for a train.

Thank you! I studied medical biology, I work in an NHS lab

I'm happy things worked out for you now. You really do sound brave.

How come social services wasn't involved if you were school age and teachers were aware you were homeless?

It is hard to say, because everyone is in a different situation. Streetlink are a good organisation, with an overview of everything available in a certain area.

I would say treat people like human beings, you can smile, you can speak back if they speak to you, even if it is just to say, no, sorry, I am not going to give you any change. Some people are criminals and con artists, it is true, but even they are human beings who appreciate a smile! Lots of homeless people are not obvious though. They are not necessarily sitting out begging - I never did that- they are sitting on buses and in train stations, looking normal, or just walking around looking like they have some place to go

I'm assuming this all happened quite a long time ago OP?
those who are asking about safeguarding/teachers and social services, things were very different then

No, I never took drugs, I never drank either, and still don't. I understand why people do. If I had been out longer, I may have gone that way.

I think people need to understand that you are more likely to take drugs because you are homeless, rather than be homeless because you take drugs.

I didn't not take drugs because of any sort of moral superiority - I was just too frightened too. Mostly what I remember about sleeping rough was being frightened most of the time

There would most likely come a time when fear of drugs was less than fear of another night without drugs

That i what would happen now, yes, but this was a while ago! Before safeguarding was such a big thing. And the teachers did mostly help me a lot. Especially with the university application, which was a year after I had actually left school, they didn't need to do that!

yes, decades ago

Wow OP, absolutely amazing. What you’ve achieved is outstanding. Have you sought out any treatment for your trauma?

What could folks like me do to help you? I always offer food and drink and ask for preferences but I’m wary of offering cash in case of substance abuse issues. Sorry if I’m stereotyping rough sleepers.

I donate to and help street food charities that support rough sleepers with bedding, food, personal care and signposting to other services.

but what else should I consider? I don’t come across many female rough sleepers in my areas - mainly male and when I’m on my own is another consideration.

I agree. Very proud of you for turning your life around and supporting others in this position.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

I have had some mental health problems, but luckily nothing major or overwhelming.

I was an over eater for many years, and went through a spell of panic attacks at one stage, and I was diagnosed with mild PTSD and offered CBT which was helpful.

I still get occasional nightmares, nothing too bad.

And I have never got over grieving for my friend who died. I have a tattoo in their memory, and think about them every day. No one else does, they were just a dreg to be flushed away, as far as society was concerned, not my funny kind, clever, devious, brave friend, who wrote poetry and wanted to be a politician. I had bereavement counselling many years ago, but I didn't find it helpful

Many years ago I read a book by criss kitch pavement for my pillow she told us never give money to homeless because she always spent it on drink and drugs , she said by giving money it keeps them on the streets . What are your thoughts . Criss was homeless for 30 yrs , eventually helped by nuns . If alive she lives on the Thames in a barge

I think you are amazing

I think you sound like a lovely person who is doing everything possible. Thank you xx

Speak up! I always thought I was being a nuisance to people who helped me, but now I am an adult I realise no one is going to begrudge finding shelter for a child - I could have had more help if I had been prepared to ask, rather than always sleeping rough until someone realised and told an adult

I don't know - different people have different needs and situations. Yes, some people are trying to con you out of money for drink and drugs, and yes, some people will spend the money on a youth hostel for the night, you can't really know.

I prefer to support charities that are helping, and I support practically as well as financially, for example by hosting homeless people in my home.

On principle, I prefer to offer beggars food rather than money, but then I keep on breaking my own rule and giving them money - and I am sure sometimes I have been conned, and sometimes the money had genuinely been spent on a bed for the night.

i always imagine if i were to rough sleep, i would be away in the countryside somewhere where no one would see me, come back in the city day to get food or whatever but at night i would be away in the dark where no one would see me.
have i got it wrong that this would be safe?

Very niche question - I run a food bank, and a few of the people we serve are homeless or sleeping rough. We’ve gotten to the point where we have “no cook” bags (crackers, savoury spread, tinned fish, bread, fruit, veggies to eat raw, snacks), soap, toothpaste and toothbrushes, deodorant, san pro all ready, that we can offer and which seem gratefully received. Can you think of other items that might be useful? Are we missing anything obvious?