I'm a practising Muslim, ask me anything...

[tt9]

For context, I am late 30s female practising Muslim medical professional and have been practising for most of my adult life (to varying degrees).

Feel like a lot of people have questions that they don't ask as they fear causing offence. also there are some commonly held beliefs regarding muslims/Islam that are urban myths... so ask away. no question too offensive

so essentially the entire ritual is based around the Kaaba. which is a square stone structure built by the Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him). it is currently draped in black cloth, but historically has had coverings of many colours. the Kaaba is known as the House of God, and is empty to symbolise that God transcends material existence.
pilgrilms go round it anticlockwise 7 times while reciting prayers of their choice. this signifies purification. this is called Tawaf
then they pray within the main compound (preferably in the place where the Prophet Abraham (pbuh) prayed, but that's a very small area so mostly people pray anywhere they can)
the final part is Sa'i where pilgrims run/walk fast between two mountains (all covered now and air-conditioned lol) 7 times to commemorate the mother of the Prophet Ishmael (son of the Prophet Abraham) who ran between the two mountains 7 times to look for water until she discovered the well of zamzam gushing out next to the infant Prophet Ishmael. we drink water from this well as part of this ritual.
this is the shortened version, I have not been to the full version, so couldn't tell you about the other rituals that happen there unfortunately. one of the most beautiful things that happen in the full version is spending one night praying under the open sky in a particular location outside mecca.
all sins are forgiven at the end of both types of pilgrimage.

Hi Materdei, I love discussing religion and spirituality too! I love your questions.

yes I have read most of the new and old testaments and have found a great deal of goodness and beauty in it. believing in the Prophet Isa (peace be upon him) or Jesus is a core part of our faith, as is Mary (peace be upon her). there is a chapter in the Qur'an named Mary and they both feature heavily throughout the Qur'an. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said "all the Prophets are as brothers to me and of them, Isa is the closest to me". we also believe in the return of the Prophet Isa (pbuh) at the end of times.

God says "my Mercy overcomes my wrath". and forgiveness is part of that. we believe God forgives all those who ask forgiveness in earnest.

choosing Islam... Well I could write a book! firstly there is the consistency through time. the Qur'an has not changed since revealation. it was revealed to someone who was known everywhere as the most honest and trustworthy of his community. the Prophet (pbuh)'s nickname was Al-amin or "the true one". all the events around revelation and subsequent miracles/events are recorded and preserved without corruption. I won't go into the technicalities but essentially the chains of narration were strictly maintained due to the system of scholarship. if any one individual in a chain of narration was found to ever have lied, the whole chain was discarded.

second reason internal logical consistency and matching up with science. eg the description of fertilisation and development of the embryo including when the heart starts beating, astronomical facts that were not known until recently etc. etc.
third reason, democracy and social justice within its legal and political system. Common sense laws, rights for women etc.
fourth and probably the most important reason is the feeling in my heart.

for me to be Muslim means seeking God's pleasure, to serve creation in order to serve the Creator, to do everything with good intention and accepting whatever God has given me with gratitude. ultimately its loving God and for His sake loving all of His Creation.

prayer is what gets me through life. its a personal conversation with God. (God says "I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself".

if you were to pray for me today, I would humbly request that you kindly pray that God forgives me my many transgressions and accepts me as His servant and fills my heart with love for Him and those that He loves. thank you so much. I pray you have a long, healthy and happy life. ♡

Muslims can be of any nationality or race so there is no restriction as to which culture/ethnicity one marries into. in fact nationalism/racism is forbidden in Islam as all people should be treated equally.

part of the islamic marriage ritual is reading the proclamation of faith. so it is not practically possible to marry a non Muslim as they would have to read the proclamation of faith as part of the marriage ritual. and Muslims have to undertake the Islamic ritual for the marriage to be valid. also if someone is practising, it is pretty hard to live with and raise children with someone who is not. I had a partner who was a semi religious muslim at one point and it was a total disaster! obviously if a Muslim is not practising then this is irrelevant.

I unfortunately am not able to have children, but if I was in that position, I wouldn't stand in the way. however I could not give them my blessing either as they would be effectively leaving the faith? I would still of course welcome the other half with open arms. we have had such marriages in our family and we just treat them the same as everyone else (drown with food and make sarcastic comments).

not my business. the only time I judge them is when they are non practising but then come home and pretend to be goody two shoes/marry some poor unsuspecting girl and ruin her life.

I am not married. only one person of my generation has had an arranged/introduced marriage (on his request) in my whole entire extended family (I have 50+ cousins). if I ever get married (not that keen tbh), it will have to be organic or maybe introduced by friends at a push, but would have to sweep me off my feet!

this is such a great question and you really made me think.

I did taekwondo very intensely from 17 - early 20s (had to stop due to health unfortunately) while wearing hijab and had no issues including in competitions. but saw very few practising Muslim girls involved in sports. I am sure its getting better now, but I think it's to do with the ethnic make up of the UK. mostly the Muslims here are South East Asians and in this culture anything outside of academia is considered a waste of time. be it creative or athletic. there is also the poverty factor, as many of these communities struggle financially and girls.might start work/get married early and probably go to schools with few opportunities.

in other countries such as Malaysia, Turkey and Iran, women's sport is quite big but doesn't get as much media coverage.

tbh i don't know what the answer is. maybe targeted programmes in certain locals? something to think about...

Hello, @tt9, you say “we also believe in the return of the Prophet Isa (pbuh) at the end of times” - I understood that Mohammed is the Last Prophet?

yes he is. as The Prophet Isa (pbuh) came before him and when he returns, he will not bring new revelation but fight the antichrist (we say dajjal) he will not be a "new" Prophet (pbuh) as such.

Perhaps you are not best placed to answer this, as you appear to be very liberal from your responses, but I've wondered this for a long while and woukd be keen to hear your thoughts.

To preface my question, I have lived and worked in East London for decades and know and am friendly with many Muslims so this is based around what I have observed in this geographical location and I appreciate that there is a likely a range of differences in practice and expression outside of this. (Culturally they are largely either from Bangladeshi or Pakistani backgrounds, which is where most of my perceptions are coming from - I do have some Turkish Muslim friends for whom what I am about to ask seems less the case).

I definitely see that there can be a great deal of spiritual fulfilment in practicing Islam, but it also seems (to me as an outsider) very...joyless.

There appears to be so much focus on restricting oneself (particularly bodily- so fasting for example, or no dating outside serious prospects of marriage) in order to be spiritual. Building so much of one's life around a constant preparation for the afterlife, following rules - some of which cause inconvenience and suffering - is something I've always struggled to wrap my head around. And suffering itself is often described as a way of being closer to God, and should be embraced.

I know your previous answers around the national anthem suggest this isn't something you adhere to, but music is haram, isn't it? For a portion of Muslims I know it seems to be that any expression of joy or fun that dies not centre Islam appears to be frowned upon.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Hiya, thank you so much for your question. the truth I am actually strictly adherent, all my 'liberal' views comes from strictly following Islam!

you are definitely right about the culture! many people follow Islam (and other religions) without understanding it or connecting to it on a different level. so for them, it would be joyless.

the actions you describe are those which are externally visible, but it's a bit like an iceberg... there has to be a lot more to it on the internal being of the person. sadly many practice the external rituals without the internal aspect.

as well as culture, there is the global pandemic of salafism spread with Saudi oil money. this is a sect developed in the early 1900s by an Arab warlord (who was not an islamic scholar and was in fact declared a heretic) who was armed by the British to fight against the Ottomans. this Arab warlord then established salafism in Saudi and spread it through the world and eventually leading to Alqaeda/taliban/ Isis etc. this sect is pervasive in East London. else where in the world the older version of Islam can still be seen eg in malaysia/turkey etc. salafism is certainly joyless as it only external ritual and rules without spirituality.

music is certainly not forbidden! there is a lot of islamic spiritual music (maybe listen to abide parveen, nusrat father Ali Khan on youtube?). it has actually been one of the ways Islam was spread in India

fasting looks ardous, but as any person who fasts will tell you, it genuinely brings immense joy. it is not like a normal day of going without food, you don't feel it in the same way. sexual acts outside of marriage are forbidden, but individuals are encouraged to speak at length prior to marriage and marriage is encouraged. as someone who was not so practicing before and has dated, I can tell you I really don't feel like I am missing out and practicing Muslims don't either. because we view relationships very differently. same with food restrictions etc.

of course if you are used to living life in a certain way, our way of life looks restrictive and I understand that. some Muslims even might find it restrictive and can lapse, we are all only human.

BTW East London is certainly a microcosm. it doesn't even represent the culture of Bangladesh/Pakistan! if you wanted to experience a more representative islamic vibe, I could recommend a few ideas?

Asalam alaikum

Just want to clarify, Muslim women aren't allowed to have Male friends.. ... it cant just happen. It's not allowed. You say it just happened....sis it's not ok.

You say prophet Muhammad had female companions???? Who were they , were they not his wives? He didn't have random female sahaba that he would sit and eat grapes and dates with and relax and chat and laugh with. He had sisters of the ummah and even non muslim women come to ask him questions and to take their shahadah, but definitely not female friends.

Muslim women dont need to have men as friends. Your male best friend can be your dad, your brother, your husband.....
Muslim women have lots of lovely women both non Muslim and muslim to have friendships with.

salaams sister, you are 100% entitled to practise Islam the way you choose. I am here to answer questions on my beliefs and practice and not to debate other Muslims on matters of fiq/seerah or tell them what to do. if you wish to pm me, I can forward you relevant reference books and teachers only if you wish to understand why i practise the way i do. I absolutely respect your right to believe/practise Islam in whatever way you wish. and I am sure you are a better Muslim than me, so please don't take my response as offensive or talking down your way of practising. much love x

I wasn't criticising you my sister I love you so much .
Just wanted to point out that
May Allah guide us all

This is a very stupid question: but women who wear face coverings all the time - don’t they end up with zero wrinkles or ageing ? I’ve always wondered this!

Thanks for the thread, it’s really interesting ❤️

Thank you for this thread it is very interesting. So sorry to hear about the racism you have experienced though. My question is to help me make sense of a recent conversation I had with a Muslim friend. She is a lovely person, nice to everyone. I was a bit taken aback recently though when she told me she would be "horrified" if either of her girls married a non Muslim man.

To me, that felt a bit racist, which is at odds with my friend's usual personality and values as she seems very tolerant and loving to everyone. As a white female atheist, I would not feel horrified if my children married someone from a different culture/belief system. I would be happy for them to marry anyone they felt a strong enough connection to, regardless of colour/faith etc.

Please could you help me to make sense of it & see the situation from a Muslim perspective? If indeed you can understand her point of view, because maybe it was just a personal thing and nothing to do with Islam teachings, I don't know.

Thank you for your considered and insightful reply. Much of what you wrote resonated with me deeply and warmed my heart to read.

I have prayed for you this morning, and, I will keep you in my prayers. 🙏

A sensitive question here but one that I'm interested in from a prevention stance.

The catholic church has been found to have a problem with grooming and sexual abuse of young people. I have understood this as a result of sexual repression within the hierarchy of the church, the inbalance of power that exists, a easy route to silence victims through shame and blame. I know sexual exploitation happens within all socioeconomic groups.

I'm just wondering what your take is on how Islam and Islamic law view the the asian grooming gangs which have been convicted over the years. Also it would be interesting to hear from your own personal perspective. What cultural factors do you think has lead to the asian grooming gangs targeting vulnerable white women/girls within their communities. What are the cultural aspects which have led to this happening? If we can understand these factors, perhaps we can develop prevent measures to stop this happening in the future.

Big question I know.

@Runnersandtoms

In my daughters school the girls learnt to swim at school wearing leggings and a long sleeved t shirt.

My question is a toilet one - sorry !
I know you wash with water, but how do you dry after ?
And do you actively avoid public toilets.

Someone said to me that Muslims don't celebrate people's birthdays.Is this true?

I was surprised by this comment, because I know some Muslims who have birthday parties for their kids.

I wonder if maybe it's more of a cultural thing depending on people's countries of origin, rather than a religious requirement.

Thanks for responding!

I think it’s really important that sports don’t lose sight of the idea of sport being for everyone and that some adaptions might need to be made to make it accessible.

It's funny that you say that about when being with other women and being covered . I lived in Saudi for many years and attended a few weddings and gatherings. Once the women got together the clothing was outlandish and certainly not always modest. As you say it varies from culture to culture and family to family. I have lost count of the number of women who entered plane toilets in full abaya to emerge in tight jeans etc for their arrival in London. Would you say they are not true Muslims?

My knowledge was that the father or head of household determined the amount of coverage in Saudi. It appears that Muslims of African origin seem more covered - gloves, socks and sandals whereas other women will swoosh along in their fitted abayas and Louboutins. Usually the more recent the revert the more assiduous they are in dress.

I would be really keen to hear your views about this situation please. My daughter converted to Islam a couple of years ago. When I was making my mum's funeral arrangements last year, I told my daughter that I feel very very strongly that I want to be cremated and that I believe the wishes of the deceased should be respected and followed as much as possible, as I did for my mum. I have no other family apart from my husband, so there is a reasonable chance that my daughter will have to make my funeral arrangements in the future. My daughter said that her faith would not allow her to arrange for my cremation despite my wishes, and the stipulation in my will that I want to be cremated. Could you tell me the reason for this please? I'm wondering if a solution would be for me to take out a pre paid funeral plan so that all she would have to do would be to contact the undertaker to tell them to enact my plan as this wouldn't involve her actually making the arrangements herself.

It's an interesting thread op I have spent 20 years working in SW London. Close to where I work, there is a Sunni Mosque and Shia Mosque very close together and on the same side of the road. Many times I have seen the police breaking up fights between groups of worshippers. I am also aware that a local College has sometimes to close its prayer room due to fights between the two groups. Another establishment has a female Muslim chaplain but they have had to hire a male Muslim chaplain as well because the Sunni's and Shia's will not accept a female Amadhiya Muslim leading prayers. How does that all stack up with peace and equality between the sexes?

When my children were at primary school the local Ahmaddiya Imam sent his children to their cofe school rather than the local secular schools because they valued the closer family values. Many of the children from local Muslim families also attended the school. The school was very broad and all the children visited the local synagogue, Buddhist Temple, Hindu Temple, Catholic Church, Mosque, etc. to learn about other cultures and religions. Except the Muslim children whose parents refused to allow them to go on those cultural trips.

Having chosen to send their children to a cofe school, it was really sad that there there didn't seem to be much wish to learn about the Christian culture and that it was expected to bend to Muslim wishes with no bending or mutuality in return.

It was very sad and no amount of trying to include the children in play dates, parties, etc., helped and invitations were often refused.

What would be your solution for the above and how can followers of Islam expect to be accepted when they won't accept each other?

sorry guys for not keeping up with replies. I had a massive Sunday lie in after my very shameful Netflix all nighters. just going to do a few errands/eat lunch and start replying :-) thank you for the questions

Please don’t feel any pressure to answer our questions quickly.

I appreciate your time very much & appreciate you aren’t trying to answer for all Muslims just your personal views which are very interesting.