I’m a SAHM AMA

[Annonymousse22]

Being a SAHM seems to be such an issue to a lot of people on here so feel free to AMA 😅

What work did you do before you became a SAHM?
Was it a career (uni? Training?) or an unskilled job?

What do you hope your children will benefit from the most from you being at home?

What gives you the confidence to remain in a vulnerable position for months and years on end, when many people would be significantly worried for their futures in your position?

Oh dear. Why are you not married?

How old are your dc?

We do the same toddler groups/classes every week in term time and then in between that it’s mainly free play inside or in the garden, parks and play areas.

I enjoy gift shopping too but I just have to stick to a budget. No one expects anything expensive from me anyways. I spend the most on my child and partner.

We wouldn’t be able to afford childcare if I worked (the amount I would make would all go on childcare) and I would then be missing out on seeing my child grow and develop for no reason. I will look for some suitable part time work when they start school but until then I would rather enjoy my child than make myself exhausted by working and not be able to be the best parent I can be.

My child is nearly 2.

It depends on the day but most weekdays are free play, a toddler class or activity, garden play or park if the weathers alright, some tv time around meals. I’ll usually try to get some cleaning/tidying done and make food. Nappies, naps, feeding ect.

I’ve worked in childcare before Covid

No but he would find looking after a toddler all day harder than going out to work 🤷‍♀️

How much childfree time do you both have (apart or together, and not counting his work)?

I think we are very different in our choices, I have a career and always been a working mum had 1.5 years total maternity which should have been longer but I couldn't continue as my MH was suffering f so DH took some paternity leave and enjoyed that for 5 months.
I would be worrying about pension and my future to be honest, please do give these things consideration. If you buy a home make sure it's in your name too and you have security.
I'm saying this as a 50 year old who have seen friends suffer when not prepared

Do you feel like you've wasted your education? (Btw, no judgement from me...I just feel for me, I worked so hard at school and at uni and then in my career, I just feel like I couldn't stop when I had my kids, it was what I was used to).

I believe that he would do what was necessary for his child to have a good life if it ever came to it and wouldn’t let us end up on the streets.

I'm sorry to tell you that most of us with feckless, uncaring exes would have said the same before it happened.

I've no question for you - simply put, you are dependent, with no security, and due to your disability, even more vulnerable. Please take some steps to protect yourself.

it's not a gift if that person actually earnt the money you're using to buy the gift

Of course it is! The giver has put time and thought into choosing something they think will give you pleasure. That's a gift.

If there were no practical obstacles, would you still prefer to be a SAHM right now, or would you rather work PT/FT?

Was your mother a SAHM, and did that influence you to do the same? Mine was, and she so clearly loved being at home with us that it was appealing to me too. Plus I felt I really benefited from having her around when I was little.

OP - my question is, how do you feel about posters on this thread speaking to you in a tone of condescension?

If you wanted to marry your partner for financial security (just in a registry office) would he do it?

It always interests me when people ask sahm why they would be dependent/reliant on “a man”.

Are you not?

Do you not have a lifestyle that relies on two wages? Would you not have to make, potentially significant, lifestyle changes/downsize/sacrifices if your relationship came to and end?

From what I’ve seen over hundreds of posts around finances the vast, vast majority of women, working or not, are reliant on “a man” to maintain their familial lifestyle.

I’m not looking at nursery right now but I may consider it the year before he starts school to get us both used to it but it would only be for a couple of days as that’s all we will get funding for. When he starts school I will try and get some part time work.

It would definitely be way too much for me to manage. It is hard not being able to earn money with how difficult things are right now with the cost of living crisis but I wouldn’t have the energy to work, come home and do things with my child and then find the energy to cook and clean on top of that.

I wasn’t working when I got pregnant and it’s not easy to get a job when you’re pregnant so it wasn’t a choice of keeping a job or not. Then with how much childcare would cost it just didn’t make sense to do it any other way. Plus, I can’t imagine leaving my child just to go and work to earn money that would go straight into childcare when I can look after him and not miss anything 🤷‍♀️

but I wouldn’t have the energy to work, come home and do things with my child and then find the energy to cook and clean on top of that.

But you have a partner, why would this all fall to you?

Personally no, it would be a struggle, but I have savings, good salary and a lot of equity in our home.
However, someone with no job or career to fall back on, no pension, no assets to keep them in their older years are ignoring the future which is concerning. I seem to recall having to go to the job centre when I was on government may pay after a fixed term job I had finished whilst pregnant just so I was still paying into my national insurance and my government pension wasn't affected, so personally it is something that needs a plan so that you don't end up with absolutely nothing

I do and they’re not all married either 🤷‍♀️

Not really. I don’t think it would make much difference as it’s not like my partner has loads of money.

Maybe 🤷‍♀️ I’m not sure really. It’s never been something that I’ve really wanted and I think it’s getting less common. I wouldn’t say no if he asked though but I can’t see how it would change things.

I can’t see how being married would change anything. It’s not like he has loads of money and we don’t own a house so what would be the benefit?

His pension is paid through his work but it’s not loads and I don’t really see the issue. Surely 5 years of being a SAHM isn’t going to make much difference to my future pension? There’s support and benefits from the government to help in old age isn’t there?