I used a bespoke matchmaker - AMA

[summercocktails]

It cost me £8000. I did not find love!

Why did u decide to go to them?
What did the provide?

My friend used to work as a bespoke matchmaker! She wasn't the one running it btw, just the 1 member.of staff they had.
Charged a fortune for women as they readily joined to find men but not many men signed up so they were barely charged anything!

I decided to go to them as I was having no luck online dating and was wondering if there was a secret pool of wonderful men out there that I just wasn't meeting.

Spoiler alert: there wasn't. I was matched with a lot of rich men who were looking for their brood mare (I am 37) but wanted her to have her own career. It didn't feel like anyone had given any real thought to who I am and what I might want.

I even found a couple of them online dating!

This makes perfect sense, particularly when you get into late 30s / early 40s.

They provided an initial meeting where you go through all your details, your goals and ambitions, hobbies etc. Then the matchmaker "hunts" for you and presents the occasional man for you to consider dating. On the service I used, you get eight introductions for the money.

8000!?!??!?!?!?!

Jesus Christ, I wouldn't have paid £1k a pop to meet my own DH, let alone any of my exes 😂

I hope you're very wealthy and didn't chuck your life savings at this project

Men are usually charged more for this sort of thing so I'm not surprised they had their own high criteria. The sort of person who forks out for this service isn't hoping to be paired with someone who works in the local Tesco Express. They'll want someone "of standing"...

Eeeesh! That was a either a collossal waste of time and money or a good lesson to learn or both. Depends on how you look at it.

I don't regret it, it was an experience and I didn't lose savings. However I did hear the matchmaker say that some people invest everything they have into it, so I want to be a salutary lesson for others.

you can have my DH for £6k OP. he's a nice man. personable and quiet humorous.

Strange way to want to try and meet someone. Did you hope you'd meet a rich bloke given the fee charged? I'd imagine a man forking out on this would want a model with her own money/career who mixes in certain circles. Dating more for status than love. Not how I'd want to meet a husband, but each to their own.

EIGHT. THOUSAND. POUNDS?

😁Excellent. Let's meet in some services on the M4 to make the exchange.

Well, I had tried lots of other ways without success. I didn't want a rich man - not every man I was matched with had signed up to the matchmaker. They comb the dating apps and select possible matches, and then basically vet them for you before you meet.

It certainly made me think very carefully about what it is I did and didn't want from a partner.

I certainly did meet a couple of a men who had forked out for the service, and I wouldn't say they were quite as you describe. It's a lot of money to spend on status rather than love.

I have now met someone and we are very happy.

@TallulahBetty - £8000 is actually on the cheaper side! I was quoted as high as £22000 by other agencies.

Did you feel you got value for money?
One of my friends paid a few thousand dollars for a match making service, they were so awful they agreed to refund. Even though she had paid out $$$$ it was one of the cheaper services!

How did you eventually meet your love?

That is impressive that your friend got a refund!

It is hard to say if I got value for money. I would obviously say no, but that is largely because I didn't meet anyone I connected with. Had I met the man of my dreams, my answer might be different.

@Timide - we met online. Not been together super long (about six months or so) but things are going well thus far. I am fairly sure my matchmaker would have filtered him out. We are very different people but work well together.

Gives some context to something that happened a few months ago.

I was on a dating app (50s m), and matched with somebody. She said the match wasn't for her but a client – she thought I'd be a good fit for that person.

I didn't go ahead with it, for two main reasons:
• It was the matchmaker I'd found attractive/interesting, and there was no guarantee the same would apply to her client!
• I was a little uneasy at the thought of her client paying thousands to meet somebody.

Fascinated to hear what you paid for the service.

I'm so glad that I met DH the old fashioned way ...IN PERSON!

@PotteringPondering - that is really bad, the matchmaker should say that is what they are on their profile! They have to pay the dating apps to advertise their wares on there. Although, you never know - you may have liked the client! If you didn't, that is totally fine too. My understanding is that they get a "yes" from the matchee before appraoching the matcher!

@MrsMoastyToasty Good for you. There is no right or wrong way to meet a partner. I tried to meet someone in person too - for whatever reason, it didn't work out for me that way.

@summercocktails I met DH before the Internet and mobile phones were the size of a housebrick! I was also rather tipsy.

Having tried 3 or 4 matchmakers
i would caution anyone from using them

none of them delivered what they promised
‘an introduction seems to mean we send you a profile of someone miles away who might not even want to meet you

the fees can be horrendous