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AMA
Original poster

I've had 4 home births AMA

105 replies

homebirthAMA · 03/02/2023 13:25

4 kids, 4 home births AMA.

Mainly because there seems to be lots of misconceptions about home birth on the internet (less so in RL)

Just a preemptive note:
I won't be replying to any offensive attacks (because I have self respect) and I won't be providing endless links for 'evidence' - please do you own homework or ask your midwife for that sort of thing. I can talk about our experiences and viewpoint. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 11:12

stepkidscopingstrategy · 18/02/2023 10:57

I had my 2 at home - it just felt the right thing to do. It was the most lovely thing. I would have hated to have this amazing experience in a hospital. It all went fantastically. Everyone except DH and the mw 's were against it - so that was quite challenging. Even now people say they wouldn't have dared to do it. I love the fact that the kids were born in our bed. When you are so relaxed and know you don't need to go to a hospital or be induced then you can usually manage fine with no meds. ❤️

Beautiful 🥰

OP posts:
Oopswediditagain2023 · 18/02/2023 11:31

Not a question but just wanted to say thank you for posting a really positive birth thread ❤️

Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 11:39

Oopswediditagain2023 · 18/02/2023 11:31

Not a question but just wanted to say thank you for posting a really positive birth thread ❤️

Aww thank you ❤️

OP posts:
redundantsoon · 18/02/2023 13:49

I also had all my 3 at home too. Two were water births. It was perfect for me.

AHobbyaweek · 18/02/2023 15:07

My 2nd was a beautiful home birth after a traumatic emergency c section with the first. It was very healing and my DH said it was healing for him too.
All the prep made me feel much more knowledgable and in control of decision making which I think helps whatever your birth choices are.

MurderSheSpoke · 18/02/2023 16:12

@homebirthAMA
Thanks for replying. It's interesting to hear different experiences and opinions.
My most alert baby was DC1 which was my only medicated birth.
DC2 was discovered to be blue and unresponsive by a midwife checking on us while I was fast asleep at night, which was terrifying.
DC3 was sleepy, jaundiced, required a 'hot cot' as was struggling to stay at temperature and also was discovered to have a broken arm on day two likely due to being born in superman pose.
My home birth baby DC4 was the sleepiest, refusing to feed, blood sugar was very low and was eventually moved to special care.

My hospital births were lovely positive experiences. Very calm and staff were really great. I felt in very safe hands.
My home birth was stressful and so quick I went into shock afterwards and was shaking and vomiting for ages afterwards but I fully appreciate that was because of the unplanned nature of it.

bakewellbride · 18/02/2023 16:23

It's great that you've had successful home births but I had a friend who 100% would've died if she'd have had her baby at home. And it was a low-risk pregnancy, she was only 28, no complications or anything prior to suggest that anything would go wrong. She had a sudden PP haemorrhage and it was only because she was at hospital that they could've treated her quick enough - even there it was touch and go.

Knowing this can u see why others might be against home birth? I'm not saying I'm categorically against it but surely you can be against it in certain scenarios. What do you think?

Dh is a paramedic and there are some home births that really do go wrong. There's no way he'd have let me have one.

Margipan · 18/02/2023 16:24

Hi OP, fellow home birther here although I only managed 2 out of 3 so I'm jealous of your record 😅

All mine were waterbirths and the last one we were an hour from the hospital. All amazing experiences. Mine are teens now but it feels like yesterday.. I have never been so sure about anything as I was when I decided to give birth at home, on the farm literally 😅

Onnabugeisha · 18/02/2023 16:27

bakewellbride · 18/02/2023 16:23

It's great that you've had successful home births but I had a friend who 100% would've died if she'd have had her baby at home. And it was a low-risk pregnancy, she was only 28, no complications or anything prior to suggest that anything would go wrong. She had a sudden PP haemorrhage and it was only because she was at hospital that they could've treated her quick enough - even there it was touch and go.

Knowing this can u see why others might be against home birth? I'm not saying I'm categorically against it but surely you can be against it in certain scenarios. What do you think?

Dh is a paramedic and there are some home births that really do go wrong. There's no way he'd have let me have one.

Hmm. My homebirth midwife had the injections that stop PP haemorrhages. She also had oxygen, an incubator and an all the kit for a poorly baby that might struggle to breathe. I’m pretty sure NHS homebirth midwives carry the same sort of kit.

There's no way he'd have let me have one. It’s one thing if it’s your choice, but ugh to a man dictating where you give birth. You’re not a child.

Fundays12 · 18/02/2023 16:33

Were you advised it was ok by the midwife's? Did you follow their advice? Would you have gone against it if they said it's not safe this time?

I only ask as I know someone who categorically was told repeatedly that it wasn't safe and the baby was too big so may get stuck in the birth canal. Eventually the NHS got her to sign a waiver to say she had been warned it was dangerous to have a home birth and she went ahead. Unfortunately the baby did get stuck and ended up disabled. She now blame's the NHS and tried unsuccessfully to sue them. I honestly don't understand it. Home birth wasn't an option for me as I have very high risk births.

Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 16:34

MurderSheSpoke · 18/02/2023 16:12

@homebirthAMA
Thanks for replying. It's interesting to hear different experiences and opinions.
My most alert baby was DC1 which was my only medicated birth.
DC2 was discovered to be blue and unresponsive by a midwife checking on us while I was fast asleep at night, which was terrifying.
DC3 was sleepy, jaundiced, required a 'hot cot' as was struggling to stay at temperature and also was discovered to have a broken arm on day two likely due to being born in superman pose.
My home birth baby DC4 was the sleepiest, refusing to feed, blood sugar was very low and was eventually moved to special care.

My hospital births were lovely positive experiences. Very calm and staff were really great. I felt in very safe hands.
My home birth was stressful and so quick I went into shock afterwards and was shaking and vomiting for ages afterwards but I fully appreciate that was because of the unplanned nature of it.

Very different experiences from my own. That must have all been very scary for you.

Did you transfer in after the 4th?

OP posts:
Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 16:35

Margipan · 18/02/2023 16:24

Hi OP, fellow home birther here although I only managed 2 out of 3 so I'm jealous of your record 😅

All mine were waterbirths and the last one we were an hour from the hospital. All amazing experiences. Mine are teens now but it feels like yesterday.. I have never been so sure about anything as I was when I decided to give birth at home, on the farm literally 😅

Lovely!

OP posts:
Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 16:48

bakewellbride · 18/02/2023 16:23

It's great that you've had successful home births but I had a friend who 100% would've died if she'd have had her baby at home. And it was a low-risk pregnancy, she was only 28, no complications or anything prior to suggest that anything would go wrong. She had a sudden PP haemorrhage and it was only because she was at hospital that they could've treated her quick enough - even there it was touch and go.

Knowing this can u see why others might be against home birth? I'm not saying I'm categorically against it but surely you can be against it in certain scenarios. What do you think?

Dh is a paramedic and there are some home births that really do go wrong. There's no way he'd have let me have one.

My first thought is I don't think this scanario is realistic. I'd be interested in hearing more. PPH usually has an underlying cause, was it an induction? Were there sweeps? Pph is more likely to occur in hospital so could it have been avoided by staying at home? Would you be prepared to accept that? I felt reassured the homebirth mws said pph was very rare at home and if so they'd have drugs to treat it and would be transferring with me in an ambulance.

So Pph is treatable at home with drugs by a mw who is with you at all times. In hospital women have to share mws increasing the risk of delayed treatment.

I can understand why home birth is not everyone's cup of tea, it was definitely mine though! I think women should have choices and do what feels best for them, whatever that may be and regardless of what their DH's "let" them do. Is it the 1950s?

I imagine paramedics mostly see unplanned home births so unsurprising he carries that bias.

OP posts:
Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 16:49

Also what @Onnabugeisha said

OP posts:
user375242 · 18/02/2023 16:55

bakewellbride · 18/02/2023 16:23

It's great that you've had successful home births but I had a friend who 100% would've died if she'd have had her baby at home. And it was a low-risk pregnancy, she was only 28, no complications or anything prior to suggest that anything would go wrong. She had a sudden PP haemorrhage and it was only because she was at hospital that they could've treated her quick enough - even there it was touch and go.

Knowing this can u see why others might be against home birth? I'm not saying I'm categorically against it but surely you can be against it in certain scenarios. What do you think?

Dh is a paramedic and there are some home births that really do go wrong. There's no way he'd have let me have one.

How do you know she '100% would have died'? What is your profession and knowledge of birth and usual intervention practice during a pph to make such a claim?

www.homebirth.org.uk/pph.htm

Onnabugeisha · 18/02/2023 17:02

Yea, a paramedic is only going to see unplanned homebirths or planned homebirths that go horribly wrong. A paramedic isn’t even going to see all the planned homebirths that go great, or even the hospital births that go wrong. So this will give the confirmation bias or impression that things only go catastrophically wrong at homebirths.

Statistically, a planned homebirth for low risk mother has the same chance of complications causing infant or maternal mortality as a planned hospital birth.

So it’s just as safe, there’s no extra risk. In some countries, it’s safer than hospital (where I was was one…sorry OP not going to say the country even though I saw you asked as I don’t want to cause offence and I did break the law due to homebirth being illegal there at the time, so I’d rather keep that bit of info back).

elliejjtiny · 18/02/2023 17:06

I had a home birth with my 1st and then hospital births with my others.

Would you have continued to attempt a home birth if midwives had advised you not to?

Did you breastfeed?

PaganOfTheGoodTimes · 18/02/2023 17:30

My last two were homebirths ans I'm interested that you say mws won't break waters at home - they had to for both of mine and babies born 5 minutes after both times. One nhs birth, one with a private midwife. I wonder if policy is different for different areas? If I had another I would definitely want another homebirth but expect arguments due to my age.. my private midwife let my baby be born at 42 weeks which the NHS wouldn't have 'allowed'..

Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 17:31

Fundays12 · 18/02/2023 16:33

Were you advised it was ok by the midwife's? Did you follow their advice? Would you have gone against it if they said it's not safe this time?

I only ask as I know someone who categorically was told repeatedly that it wasn't safe and the baby was too big so may get stuck in the birth canal. Eventually the NHS got her to sign a waiver to say she had been warned it was dangerous to have a home birth and she went ahead. Unfortunately the baby did get stuck and ended up disabled. She now blame's the NHS and tried unsuccessfully to sue them. I honestly don't understand it. Home birth wasn't an option for me as I have very high risk births.

Yes, always supported by NHS midwives and after the 1st which was quite quick there was never a question that homebirth was my default best option.

The first time I would have followed what they'd have said but 10 years and 4 pregnancies later I would now question all advice and my decisions based on more than build faith.

By the 4th I would have needed a really good concrete reason for not birthing at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 17:34

Onnabugeisha · 18/02/2023 17:02

Yea, a paramedic is only going to see unplanned homebirths or planned homebirths that go horribly wrong. A paramedic isn’t even going to see all the planned homebirths that go great, or even the hospital births that go wrong. So this will give the confirmation bias or impression that things only go catastrophically wrong at homebirths.

Statistically, a planned homebirth for low risk mother has the same chance of complications causing infant or maternal mortality as a planned hospital birth.

So it’s just as safe, there’s no extra risk. In some countries, it’s safer than hospital (where I was was one…sorry OP not going to say the country even though I saw you asked as I don’t want to cause offence and I did break the law due to homebirth being illegal there at the time, so I’d rather keep that bit of info back).

also the reason you want a home birth trained midwife and not a random paramedic at your birth!

OP posts:
Krayvon2 · 18/02/2023 17:34

I admire you. I'm so terrified at the thought of a natural birth let alone doing it at home. Trying to muster courage as I approach 3rd trimester

Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 17:47

Krayvon2 · 18/02/2023 17:34

I admire you. I'm so terrified at the thought of a natural birth let alone doing it at home. Trying to muster courage as I approach 3rd trimester

Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Honestly my births were lovely and empowering and I'd do it all again tomorrow. I wish you well for your upcoming birth xx

OP posts:
Nettlestea · 18/02/2023 17:50

@homebirthAMA Yeah it’s a scary thought, with my two older children they were hospital births and I feel gas and air really helped, it was the only thing I used, I don’t like the sound of pethidine or epidural.

Haha en suite sounds like a good place, I spent most of my 2 labours hiding in the toilet before going in to hospital too. I’ll probably do the same this time, did you find the water helped? I’m still considering a pool or just labouring in the bath until pushing stage. Yes I’m looking forward to it, my last baby was born in two hours from first contraction and glad I can avoid the drive to hospital! Is there anything you recommend having for the homebirth?

Chateaudiaries · 18/02/2023 17:51

I had very easy pregnancies and natural births x 2 but had a haemorrhage with my 3rd when I thought I was an old hand and totally not expecting any complications. I will never forget the absolute panic in the doctors voices as I was rushed down a corridor at top speed to theatre. For that reason I was very glad to be in a hospital.

Original poster
homebirthAMA · 18/02/2023 18:08

elliejjtiny · 18/02/2023 17:06

I had a home birth with my 1st and then hospital births with my others.

Would you have continued to attempt a home birth if midwives had advised you not to?

Did you breastfeed?

Depends on the reason I was given and my relationship with the mws. With my last 2 births I had continuity of care with mws I got to know well, I trusted their judgment and would have followed their advice. Other mws I have met I would question the advice.

I was supported with my choices despite some of them being non-standard. For example I didn't have vaginal examinations. This was not an issue at all for the mws that attended me. If I had a mw who insisted on them I would look to change mw before just doing what I was told.

I did breastfeed.

OP posts: