Page 5 | I went to boarding school, AMA

baconpaps · 2023-01-20T14:26:26+00:00

Related to another thread, happy to answer any questions on my experience of going to boarding school as a relatively young person (I was 9).

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/01/2023 11:09

BoardingSchoolMater · 21/01/2023 19:50

I think my question would be: do you not think that your experience was just that - your experience? I can't imagine that anyone would do an AMA about attending a day school or a comprehensive school, because everyone's experiences are so different and so many other things come into play (prior relationship with family, additional needs, particular academic strengths/weaknesses, bereavement, divorce, etc, etc...). I don't at all mean this in a combative way - just that whichever school you attend is just part of a much bigger picture and one person's experience of a particular "kind" of school isn't going to be anything like another person's experience of exactly the same "kind" of school.

The OP was clear it was about her experience. The last AMA was about someone who’d moved to the Netherlands - clearly not every ex pat in the Netherlands has the same experience. No AMA can be definitive, their purpose is to be an interesting window into a relatively unusual experience.

You obviously wouldn’t have a thread about someone who went to a comp, because most people do. It’s would having an AMA about having biological children (you wouldn’t because that’s how most people have kids) vs having adopted a child (you would because like boarding it’s relatively rare).

Judging by your user name, I’m guessing some of the responses have hit a nerve - I agree it’s annoying when people are violently anti boarding school (I boarded and my kids do, although they were much older than me) but you know, people have different views.

SaturnaliaCalling · 22/01/2023 11:39

My school experience (boarding & day) is from the 1970s - so long ago! - and my memories include ridiculous hats (summer and winter versions) and how the prefects and sub-prefects were instrumental in running the school.

I'm sure that's where the 'boarding school confidence' comes from - by the age of 18 you've learned how to run a tuck shop, supervise lunchtime detentions, assist with junior prep, and perfect intricate escape plans under cover of darkness to sneak out of school every Saturday night to meet your boyfriend in town. We were given studies, black gowns, an array of badges and the power to give out detentions, tell younger girls to stop running, sort their uniform out, etc. We also offered pastoral care to the nippers who were unhappy.

Did you have sixth form responsibilities and privileges, OP?

TeenDivided · 22/01/2023 11:45

Our Upper VI (so y13) were in a separate house (s) to the other years with more freedom and actually reduced responsibility. Heads of Houses, School Prefects came from Lower VI, with hew Head Girl picked in December.
In Upper VI we were provided with food to do our own breakfasts and evening meals, and had lunch with the main school.

Original poster

baconpaps · 22/01/2023 22:22

Yorkshireadvisir · 21/01/2023 18:30

My DMs salary covered the bulk of mine and DSis fees

Sorry if this hits hard, but how does knowing that sit with you? Did your mum travel with your father?

Just picking this up again... I haven't really thought about it until now. Yes, my DM usually travelled with my DF.
They had a series of UK moves meaning my DM got her career back and she
stayed a home for the last overseas move ( I'd left school by then).

OP posts:

Original poster

baconpaps · 22/01/2023 22:35

Nimbostratus100 · 21/01/2023 17:11

thank you for your answers

What do you think makes a good house mother?

Thank you

Good house mother - consistency, sense of humour, warmth, unflappable, patience, good intution... I get the impression it's all consuming and no day would be the same. At times hilarious, others heartbreaking.

I had a mix- honestly some were witches and I wonder what their motivation for doing that job was. Others were awesome - wonderful, strong women, no doubt dealing with their own personal shit as we all do, yet somehow creating a harmonious household of 40 hormonal teenage girls.

OP posts:

Original poster

baconpaps · 22/01/2023 22:40

BoardingSchoolMater · 21/01/2023 19:50

I think my question would be: do you not think that your experience was just that - your experience? I can't imagine that anyone would do an AMA about attending a day school or a comprehensive school, because everyone's experiences are so different and so many other things come into play (prior relationship with family, additional needs, particular academic strengths/weaknesses, bereavement, divorce, etc, etc...). I don't at all mean this in a combative way - just that whichever school you attend is just part of a much bigger picture and one person's experience of a particular "kind" of school isn't going to be anything like another person's experience of exactly the same "kind" of school.

Yep, i'ts just my experience of boarding school. Like all AMAs.

I'd be interested in reading an American high school AMA - millions will have had this type of education, and each will have a different experience, but I haven't, so am interested! HTH.

OP posts:

Original poster

baconpaps · 22/01/2023 22:45

TeenDivided · 22/01/2023 06:45

@ShirleyHolmes Your experience sounds similar but different from mine in the early 80s. (12-17) At first I thought maybe the same school but I think not from small differences such as bathrooms and the use of the word 'tippets'.

We had 40 to a house and one phone booth in the hall. Dorm sizes 3-11, smaller rooms open, larger had individual cubicles.

We had a small gong that someone banged at the relevant times, 7am wake up, 7.25 out of bed, 8? go down to the main school for breakfast, then 9pm for the 'early beds' to be in bed, lights out 9.30pm.

Sunday morning chapel, Sat morning school, Sat pm go and watch matches whether you wanted to or not.

Prep was in the house study.

We had to change for supper every night into skirts (not trousers) except on Wed and Weekend when you could decide not to change but if you did you could wear trousers.

'Lecture dresses' on a Tuesday if there was an after supper lecture / concert (also compulsory).

Compulsory writing letters home at the weekend.

We had the compulsory letter writing. There was a standard format, written on school paper, and checked by the house mistress for 'spellings'. We had a timed 5 minute phone call a week. We looked forward to going to upper houses so we could have a longer phonecall, although the queues were long...

OP posts:

Original poster

baconpaps · 22/01/2023 22:57

Ridelikethewindypops · 22/01/2023 07:19

As I am reading this thread an add for Westonbirt boarding keeps popping up so I eventually clicked in. Honestly it looks amazing. But absolutely nothing like the experience I had of boarding in the 80s 😄
I was sent as I was considered to be going " off the rails" as with some other pps. Ironically I never drank or smoked until I went to boarding school but took up both while there.
Also the bullying was horrendous, both physical and psychological.
My question is was there much bullying in your school and how did the school handle it?

Re. bullying - to an extent yes but usually short lived. There were a handful of kids who, looking back, had a tough time. Bullying was taken seriously and more so in later years. Generally though, it was pretty harmonious. As in all schools, there were lots of tribes and rare for someone not to fit into any of them. As a year group, we got on well. Older kids tended to look out for younger ones, rather than strict hierarchies I'd heard of at other schools.

OP posts:

MonsoonMadness · 22/01/2023 23:02

stargirl1701 · 20/01/2023 15:13

What is your opinion on the research showing boarding school experiences as emotionally damaging? I am referencing the work of Dr Suzanne Zeedyk about how adult boarders struggle with spousal and parenting relationships.

Gordonstoun in Scotland appears to offering boarding from 4 and half years old. I find that staggering. My DC are 10 and 8 and I cannot imagine not seeing them every day, and I am the adult!

Oh my god. That is child abuse.

Original poster

baconpaps · 22/01/2023 23:11

SaturnaliaCalling · 22/01/2023 11:39

My school experience (boarding & day) is from the 1970s - so long ago! - and my memories include ridiculous hats (summer and winter versions) and how the prefects and sub-prefects were instrumental in running the school.

I'm sure that's where the 'boarding school confidence' comes from - by the age of 18 you've learned how to run a tuck shop, supervise lunchtime detentions, assist with junior prep, and perfect intricate escape plans under cover of darkness to sneak out of school every Saturday night to meet your boyfriend in town. We were given studies, black gowns, an array of badges and the power to give out detentions, tell younger girls to stop running, sort their uniform out, etc. We also offered pastoral care to the nippers who were unhappy.

Did you have sixth form responsibilities and privileges, OP?

6th former wore a different uniform, and there were prefects and head of school. The prefects were a bit like assistants for the department/house they were prefects for - drawing rotas, running homework clubs, some disciplining. They had special dinners and a different uniform again.
6th formers could go into the nearby town, upper 6th could go to the pub. No 'lights out' for 6th form unless you were annoying your roomate (dorms were 1 or 2 by then).

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 26/01/2023 15:06

checked by the house mistress for 'spellings'.

Ye gods...

SideshowAuntSallly · 10/02/2023 21:28

I went to boarding school so this thread is interesting. I hated it, it traumatised me, I was bullied relentlessly for 2 years and couldn't even escape in the evenings. The housemistress was an absolute witch, what she did would count as child abuse now (being made to stand in the corner facing the wall for an hour not being allowed to go to the toilet or anything). I swear it turned me into the awkward around physical and emotional stuff person that I am. When someone cries I don't automatically go and comfort them. I hug people but I can't do emotions easily.

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 10/02/2023 22:24

HI OP, interesting thread! I have a question - did anyone ever 'Run Away'? Enid Blyton characters are always doing that, but was it actually a 'thing' in real life?

Original poster

baconpaps · 11/02/2023 16:02

SideshowAuntSallly · 10/02/2023 21:28

I went to boarding school so this thread is interesting. I hated it, it traumatised me, I was bullied relentlessly for 2 years and couldn't even escape in the evenings. The housemistress was an absolute witch, what she did would count as child abuse now (being made to stand in the corner facing the wall for an hour not being allowed to go to the toilet or anything). I swear it turned me into the awkward around physical and emotional stuff person that I am. When someone cries I don't automatically go and comfort them. I hug people but I can't do emotions easily.

I'm sorry for your experience. Did you leave and go to a day school or was boarding at the end of your schooling?

OP posts:

Onesipmore · 11/02/2023 16:12

Yes, I boarded 8 to 18. Likewise letters were monitored and phone calls brief. You could go home once each side of Half Term,s on an exit. In the Summer we all processed through the village in height order to Church. Those post 100 got to wear tights!

Original poster

baconpaps · 11/02/2023 16:15

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 10/02/2023 22:24

HI OP, interesting thread! I have a question - did anyone ever 'Run Away'? Enid Blyton characters are always doing that, but was it actually a 'thing' in real life?

Yes! Although, (a common theme), it was nowhere near as exciting as in Malory Towers etc. Certainly no shimmying down drain pipes .

What would normally happen, is someone would be homesick/fall out with friends/have argument with housemistress and they'd declare they were running away and then they'd hide somewhere in the boarding house .

People (at least in my time) rarely absconded during the night because it was in the middle of nowhere, and a creepy walk to get to a road, and then if you could get a bus, it would take you to a sleepy town that was equally poorly served by public transport. If they did 'escape', then they'd usually be back in 10 mins, before anyone had realised.

People fantasised about running away a lot, but I think maybe 2 people ran away 'properly' whilst I was there - both older, one wandered off on our weekly health giving walks and got rounded up by teachers a few hours later following tip off from local farmer, and another managed to get home to London, I imagine with external assistance.

A few times, we'd have a panicked house mistress asking people when they last saw x but generally, they were either found in another boarding house or had missed bus (pre-phones).

OP posts:

SideshowAuntSallly · 11/02/2023 17:02

baconpaps · 11/02/2023 16:02

I'm sorry for your experience. Did you leave and go to a day school or was boarding at the end of your schooling?

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11-16 I failed my GCSE's partly on purpose as I couldn't face anymore of it. I then went to the local college and met some lovely people who I still speak to now. I will never forget crying in the basement my first weekend there as my dorm were caught talking after lights out and we had to do lines instead of going to the local town on a Saturday afternoon. We were 11 years old in a creepy basement, all in separate parts.