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AMA
Original poster

I went to boarding school, AMA

117 replies

baconpaps · 20/01/2023 14:26

Related to another thread, happy to answer any questions on my experience of going to boarding school as a relatively young person (I was 9).

OP posts:
TabithaTittlemouse · 20/01/2023 16:54

I’m interested! My only knowledge of boarding school comes from films and books. I know two people who went to boarding school, both had completely opposite experiences despite being siblings.

  • Do you think that you had a good education?
  • Do you think that going to boarding school opened any doors for you that you wouldn’t have been able to access had you stayed in a state school?
  • Do the other children become like family?
horriblechristmas2022 · 20/01/2023 16:55

Was it anything like Mallory towers ? Did you have a midnight feast

@MetaDaughter you seem utterly ghastly

Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 16:57

Stripperyone · 20/01/2023 16:51

I know a fella who is a real hoarder. Won't throw ANYTHING away even if It's obsolete/broken/useless. He puts this down to moving around a lot, BS education, not being 'allowed' his own belongings (and when he'd go home, it'd often be a different home and his things would have been thrown out). It makes sense to me. Has your BS experience engendered anything such as that?

Have been guilty of this to an extent. I'm much better now, but did struggle for years with throwing stuff away. A box of personal items did get lost at the end of one term and I still wonder what was in it! There were lots of restrictions on what you could/couldn't have e.g one teddy, 3 hair accessories, 2 photos etc although less so as you moved up the school

OP posts:
Stripperyone · 20/01/2023 17:02

baconpaps · 20/01/2023 16:57

Have been guilty of this to an extent. I'm much better now, but did struggle for years with throwing stuff away. A box of personal items did get lost at the end of one term and I still wonder what was in it! There were lots of restrictions on what you could/couldn't have e.g one teddy, 3 hair accessories, 2 photos etc although less so as you moved up the school

Show quote history

Interesting, and reminds me of 'The Naughtiest Girl' Enid Blyton series where Elizabeth was disgusted at only being allowed four (I think) items on her dorm dresser!

Did you get much 'me' or 'alone' time? I am an only child and feel more comfortable doing things alone a lot of the time. I think had I been sent to BS (and it was considered!) I'd have struggled with this the most, not having a 'retreat' from others.

Cherryblossoms85 · 20/01/2023 17:04

I loved boarding, it was a wonderful escape from watching the awful destruction of my parent's marriage.

Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 17:10

TabithaTittlemouse · 20/01/2023 16:54

I’m interested! My only knowledge of boarding school comes from films and books. I know two people who went to boarding school, both had completely opposite experiences despite being siblings.

  • Do you think that you had a good education?
  • Do you think that going to boarding school opened any doors for you that you wouldn’t have been able to access had you stayed in a state school?
  • Do the other children become like family?

Yes, good education I think. Def better out there and lots worse. I compare my kids bog standard comp - appreciate lessons have moved on in last 20 years but they learn more interesting things now. I also went from being top of class to average in the school move - I noticed the difference in how you are treated as a pupil - being top is good! They also didn't spot I had ADHD despite classic symptoms and uni tutor suggesting I look into it within a term of being there.

Re. opening doors - hard to tell. I expect so - I am relatively confident and interview well. I don't have friends in high places offering me jobs. On paper, private school was a waste of money career-wise - I don't have a 'good' job but can't say whether it would have been better had I stayed in state school.

Yes, my school friends are still my closest friends.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 20/01/2023 17:10

@baconpaps

Do you think you can 'spot' other former boarders in general (not just women you went to school with but women from all sorts of other schools)?

If yes, what makes them stand out?

If no, ignore obv.

TeenDivided · 20/01/2023 17:18

Stripperyone · 20/01/2023 17:02

Interesting, and reminds me of 'The Naughtiest Girl' Enid Blyton series where Elizabeth was disgusted at only being allowed four (I think) items on her dorm dresser!

Did you get much 'me' or 'alone' time? I am an only child and feel more comfortable doing things alone a lot of the time. I think had I been sent to BS (and it was considered!) I'd have struggled with this the most, not having a 'retreat' from others.

Show quote history

We had that at my senior boarding school at the start of the 80s. It was 6 or maybe 9 things. The point was so the cleaners wouldn't have too much to move. After requests the restriction was lifted provided we moved everything onto our bed the morning of cleaning day.

Luckingfovely · 20/01/2023 17:36

@mathanxiety as a boarder from 8 - 18, I definitely seem to be drawn to others who had similar schooling. I've way lost count of the times I've been getting on with someone, and it eventually turns out they also boarded.

I've often wondered if it's something to do with the confidence - but more than that, I think most friends that I know boarded are very comfortable in their own skin, quite composed, very self-reliant. (There are also often demons lurking under the surface though, just for balance!).

Ahnobother · 20/01/2023 17:48

@baconpaps do you have other siblings and if so what's your relationship like with them?
My DH went to boarding school. He enjoyed it and seems to have benefitted from the close friendships and a sense of independence BUT his relationship with his siblings is not as strong as it could be.
He also has no tolerance for leftover food - says he had enough of that to last a lifetime even if I am making something tasty!

Stripperyone · 20/01/2023 19:42

Did they foster a healthy relationship with food? I've noted some people I know who went to BS are very strict with food, or the opposite.

Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 22:28

horriblechristmas2022 · 20/01/2023 16:55

Was it anything like Mallory towers ? Did you have a midnight feast

@MetaDaughter you seem utterly ghastly

Not really, much to my disappointment! Dorms were smaller, being homesick was tolerated, lots more contact with parents, no sanitorium, or rockpools, or scary mistresses. And there were boys.

Midnight feasts were planned but rarely executed as turns out, eating sweets at 2 in the morning isn't that fun!

OP posts:
Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 22:35

Stripperyone · 20/01/2023 17:02

Interesting, and reminds me of 'The Naughtiest Girl' Enid Blyton series where Elizabeth was disgusted at only being allowed four (I think) items on her dorm dresser!

Did you get much 'me' or 'alone' time? I am an only child and feel more comfortable doing things alone a lot of the time. I think had I been sent to BS (and it was considered!) I'd have struggled with this the most, not having a 'retreat' from others.

Show quote history

I've never really thought about it but no, not sure you'd have much alone time. On reflection, it's an introverts nightmare. You'd be with people 24/7 bar going to the toilet.

OP posts:
Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 22:41

mathanxiety · 20/01/2023 17:10

@baconpaps

Do you think you can 'spot' other former boarders in general (not just women you went to school with but women from all sorts of other schools)?

If yes, what makes them stand out?

If no, ignore obv.

I don't have any kind of boarding-school-radar. There's so many reasons why people go to BS - I don't think there's a "type". The few I've met so far though I've got on with well - there's an appreciation of that shared-experience, even if they type of school itself was very different.

OP posts:
bert3400 · 20/01/2023 22:44

As a fellow boarder (11-16) early 80s, mixed BS, I absolutely loved it. My lasting memory is the friendships I made, I was an only child and to be surrounded by others was a dream come true for me. Many of us still keep in touch and meet up on a regular basis, we have a very sibling like relationship & easily fall back into our teenage selves .....it's a unique bond as we all grew up together and that has never left.

Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 22:52

Ahnobother · 20/01/2023 17:48

@baconpaps do you have other siblings and if so what's your relationship like with them?
My DH went to boarding school. He enjoyed it and seems to have benefitted from the close friendships and a sense of independence BUT his relationship with his siblings is not as strong as it could be.
He also has no tolerance for leftover food - says he had enough of that to last a lifetime even if I am making something tasty!

Yes, I have a DSis who is 2 years younger. She went to the same school and she also enjoyed it/had similar experience. We are close (live on the same street in fact).

OP posts:
Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 23:05

Stripperyone · 20/01/2023 19:42

Did they foster a healthy relationship with food? I've noted some people I know who went to BS are very strict with food, or the opposite.

I don't know if the school fostered this or not, but I'd say I and all my school friends have a healthy relationship with food. Of course there were eating disorders in the school as a whole, but more among day pupils than boarders.

OP posts:
Original poster
baconpaps · 20/01/2023 23:08

bert3400 · 20/01/2023 22:44

As a fellow boarder (11-16) early 80s, mixed BS, I absolutely loved it. My lasting memory is the friendships I made, I was an only child and to be surrounded by others was a dream come true for me. Many of us still keep in touch and meet up on a regular basis, we have a very sibling like relationship & easily fall back into our teenage selves .....it's a unique bond as we all grew up together and that has never left.

Sounds similar! Agree, biggest takeaway is the friendships.

OP posts:
mackthepony · 20/01/2023 23:18

Do you have a posh accent? And do you have that innate confidence that well educated people seem to have?

I'm jealous op, I always wanted to board. It was a distant dream from the rough East Lancs comp

mackthepony · 20/01/2023 23:20

He also has no tolerance for leftover food - says he had enough of that to last a lifetime even if I am making something tasty!

^

Can you explain? You eat a lot of leftovers at boarding school?

Ahnobother · 21/01/2023 08:28

@mackthepony
If I make a roast dinner on Sunday and then use any leftover meat or veg for the next day, he isn't keen. Says that it reminds him of how stuff left over from a meal would be produced the next day in sandwiches or whatever and it just reminds him of school food which by all accounts (late 80s) wasn't great.
Other than that he loved it.

007DoubleOSeven · 21/01/2023 11:06

Interesting thread op, thank you. Can I ask what did your parents do?

Original poster
baconpaps · 21/01/2023 11:20

mackthepony · 20/01/2023 23:18

Do you have a posh accent? And do you have that innate confidence that well educated people seem to have?

I'm jealous op, I always wanted to board. It was a distant dream from the rough East Lancs comp

I don't think I have a posh accent - I pick up/lose accents quickly so I would have when I was at school but less so now.

OP posts:
Original poster
baconpaps · 21/01/2023 11:32

007DoubleOSeven · 21/01/2023 11:06

Interesting thread op, thank you. Can I ask what did your parents do?

My DF was in the forces. We moved every 2-3 years and that was the main reason for going to boarding school. My mum stopped working when she had us, but went back to work in NHS (admin) when we went to school.

OP posts:
mackthepony · 21/01/2023 13:38

@Ahnobother

Okay, gotcha. I always just had a Harry Potter / Enid Blyton style feast in my head but I guess the cook had to be frugal!