I went to boarding school, AMA

[baconpaps]

Related to another thread, happy to answer any questions on my experience of going to boarding school as a relatively young person (I was 9).

@MetaDaughter
Highly sought after 😂

@MetaDaughter Neither me, nor any of my friends weekly/flexi boarded. It wasn't an option. Some lived relatively locally, others from the other side of the world, and everything in between.

If you could choose your education / upbringing for your past self what would it be?

@stargirl1701 until recently, I'd have dismissed it. I would have seen that applying to 'old school' institutions, with endemic bullying and abuse, which was absolutely not my experience. However, now (again having had my own DC) I can see how many issues can stem from an early experience like this e.g. abandonment, rejection etc.

@stargirl1701 re. spousal relationship - I thnk it's ok? I've not had problems with relationships. Re, parenting... less so. I realise I don't really know things like how to help with homework, play dates, parenting teens - does anyone know though?? Things chance so much between generations but I do still wonder if people who didn't go to boarding school know how do this stuff!

Op if you use the quote feature (hidden under the ... ) you can quote each question as you answer it if you want.

@BluePolar I realise now how little my parents know me. I understand why I went to boarding school, I feel no resentment, but I honestly now feel like they missed out. Not saying I'm an amazing person (the opposite - I was bit 'spirited' as a child), but I enjoy my kids company, we have a laugh, I feel I know them well - and my parents never had, or will have that.

@TeenDivided I boarded from 9-18, starting early 90s. I saw my parents roughly every few weeks for a weekend in term time - sometimes less if I went to a friends house for that weekend, or more if they visited for e.g a performance.

Has your opinion/perspective of your experience changes since you had children?

I boarded from 10, and was generally quite positive about it and tended to be quite defensive of boarding as a concept, and always said I would keep an open mind about my own children going to boarding schools

But when they actually started school, it became more and more bizarre as a concept, and made me start thinking more about what I had actually enjoyed about my own boarding experience, and also how my parents dealt with it all.

My main thought on it now is that I enjoyed it because I was away from my fairly awful parents, who dealt with it easily because they were fairly awful.

I think a lot of children who enjoy boarding do so because it’s an improvement on being at home with emotionally distant parents

I love talking to other people who went to boarding school. Everyone's experiences are so different - down to their situation, personality, family dynamic and of course, the school itself.

Youve said your parents were not massively comforting and still aren’t. They sound cold which sounds about right. Boarding schools are the higher class version of children’s homes.

Were you emotionally stable before you went? By that, I mean did you have anxiety or were you a confident child? I ask because some parents we know are considering sending their 12-year-old to board because she has been going off the rails since their divorce. I just can't imagine sending a child who isn't in a good place to boarding school though.

Hmmm, I don't know. I'll think/remember/repeat things from school days almost daily but I don't know if that's unusual.

@Inkpotlover

My Nan sent my dad to boarding school at 12 as she thought he was going off the rails. I don’t think he was by all accounts but I don’t think she wanted the task of raising an adolescent son. He had to have counselling at the age of 60 to finally be able to process it. Huge abandonment issues and alcoholism but he’s a lot better now after counselling.

The bathrooms varied depending on boarding house. Some had communal showers (which tended to be avoided obviously), others even had the occasional ensuite. All had standard showers with shower curtains/doors, like you might find in campsites. No big rooms of bathtubs, at least not in the girls boarding houses (they might have been some for rugby boys though?).

It is quite a few years since i was at boarding school but it was quite common then for a child to be sent there because of divorcing parents.
I presume it is far less common these days, thank goodness -- indeed I find it hard to fathom out the reasoning even all those years ago.
My main memory of these children is of their unhappiness.

Interesting question! Less moving as a kid, private school with lots of clubs, then poss weekly boarding from 14-15? Also, supportive and interested parents.

Thanks!

My memory is from the 70s so earlier than yours.

This is my experience entirely, 100%. I did LOVE it, but why??? My parents weren't awful by any means but emotionally distant and not particularly interested in their offspring. My relationship with them now is fine, we love each other, but I imagine the kids who were more homesick generally had closer, warmer relationships with their families.

Maybe cold, or just more interested in their own stuff/careers/lifestyle. Ferrying kids to afterschool activities was never going to be high on their agenda.

Dear God, does no-one look at the science on this stuff? 😢

I know a fella who is a real hoarder. Won't throw ANYTHING away even if It's obsolete/broken/useless. He puts this down to moving around a lot, BS education, not being 'allowed' his own belongings (and when he'd go home, it'd often be a different home and his things would have been thrown out). It makes sense to me. Has your BS experience engendered anything such as that?

Well being entirely absorbed with your own wants and needs is cold. Parenting is way more than just logistically ferrying kids about. I am sure someone will come along soon about their loving parents and how well adjusted they are as people but it’s a smoke screen. The whole thing is abhorrent and neglectful carefully disguised by money and “good intentions”.

Another interesting question. I guess I had behavioural issues, and was often in trouble and was diagnosed with adhd at uni (had never been mentioned before, esp not at school). Boarding meant routine and not changing schools so good for me. Gnerally though, other kids with behaviour issues didn't last long so can't imagine it was a good environment for them.